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So how do we dis-engage.long need strong advice

Leara's picture

Submitted by Leara on Tue, 10/18/2011 - 11:51pm

Today is our GD's birthday and we are not welcome to call her.SD does not answer our calls because we once asked her questions,and she freaks out if anyone asks her anything..so we haven't in many years....Sd sees herself as the perfect Mother on her third mariage to a 23 yr old..she is 32..he encourages her to ignore us as he has always ignored his family so we have no chance..she is a mythologist with sincere need of psychiatric help..she lies when the truth would be easier..but she loves the drama she creates..she sees what will get her the most attention and uses it..so as hard as we have tried..we should get smart and let them all go...so hard to lose our GC...our three grandchildren,our crazy SD and her totally insane new husband.not so hard to lose them...as they are already gone...they have been married 4 months now .all she does is hurt us,but I guess we have a hard time letting go...even though we have read the horrid lies she writes about us often..and it hurts deeply...we forgive and forgive and she has never said she was sorry for one thing she has done,and it has been a lot...help me let go..I and my DH are ready..and here come the dreaded lonely holidays as our son lives far away but thankfully we talk almost every day...he has given up on her long,long ago but we kept trying...are we just gluttons for punishment,and no we do not deserve it..she is done with us and I know that..do I say I am done or just do not communicate the way she handles it...???then I will never again see a picture of our grandchildren..hard to do...thx for all advice..I need to hear it..

Comments

Kes's picture

Submitted by Kes on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 2:24am

You have my sympathy - this sounds really hard, I am so attached to my little grandson and would be heartbroken if my daughter behaved like this. However, you are right, you need to disengage and try not to let it get to you. Let her come to you. There is info on disengaging at the following URL - it is focused on SKIDS who are in your home but you can adapt it to your purposes. http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

Leara's picture

Submitted by Leara on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 10:40pm

I read every word of this and it helped so much. I did try to "mother" my rebellious SD to no avail.DH was gone all the time and it was up to me and I should have done a lot differently..but I had to get to work and at one or two peroids of time I suppoted all 4 of us..my DH still really did nothing about SD's behavior..she would lie and put on such a good act with us that I thought it was all ok until the day she ran away and never came back..she went to live with other relatives off and on but ran away from them also...she will never come to us and we got through this birthday ..she is a sad mess that posted on facebook tonight that she is the perfect mother,her children are well behaved ..lol...she posted everyone's gifts but ours..but we did it for our GD not to be thanked by her,she "knows " how to love and be in charge unconditionally.. not like how she was raised..laughable..in time we will have older Grandchildren that we might be able to see and I hope we can be together one day with them..not with her child husband and her...it is just too stressful...much appreciation,you knew exactly what I needed to help... Smile Thanks

Jsmom's picture

Submitted by Jsmom on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 7:43am

I think you have to distance yourself. When her marriage falls apart and it will, she will come back. In the meantime, as hard as it is, it is better than the pain she is causing. Protect your heart...

Leara's picture

Submitted by Leara on Wed, 10/19/2011 - 10:47pm

Thank you so much, it is funny how I never thought about protecting my heart,I think of them every day and I am saddened by the situation that SD has created in bitterness and mental instability...my DH doesn't give this marriage long either but since before they married he said he was gay.he is only 23 and act 12... but he wanted a beautiful family,not his own kids because he feels his family is unattractive..so he got what he wanted..she is a drama queen and lazy,,so he provides an income so she doesn't have to work outside the home,or inside the home for that matter...her house is always such a mess.she is always feigning a hurt ankle,etc..all lies....we have visited rarely but it was always uncomfortable and we never felt welcome,etc...he does the housework and cooking..(she brags on FB about it) so she is getting what she wantsso we will see..thank you for your insight Smile