Should I?
There is much tension between father (my fiancé) and stepson. Alot of it has to do with the transition in their lives when divorce took place. Ex-wife made Daddy to be the bad guy and created resentment in son. We have been together 4 1/2 years and get the children every other weekend, Mom has been remarried 10 months now, and there is still anger towards Daddy from son. Come to find out for the first 3 1/2 years he had been going home after visits with us telling mom he had a terrible time. Shocking to us! The son seemed to think he would hurt his mom's feelings if he enjoyed his time with Daddy and his girlfriend - and Mom let it happen. We all get along better today than the first year (no, I am not responsible for their breakup). But is seems as though the son is now confused. He is 13 years old.
Here is my question: Should I invite ex-wife and her husband over for dinner with the children so they can see we all get along and it is okay for them to enjoy their time with Daddy?
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Question is: Do you and your
Question is: Do you and your fiance get along with his ex and new hubby to be able to do that?
We do get along - making
We do get along - making arrangements with the kids and dropping the kids off, etc. We usually comply with her terms - we like to keep the peace. But it breaks my heart when I think about the son's behavior. Sometimes I think he needs to see we can all get along and it is okay.
Good intention but you know
Good intention but you know what they say about those LOL I think it all depends on your BM if she is like most it won't matter much. It will just cause you grief.
In my situation it took a while for me and my kids SM to get along but once we did we did just fine. We even took the kids out to things together without my ex which was nice we always had a good time. We are far from BFF's but we know each other's boundaries.
I think if you all are
I think if you all are semi-reasonable human beings and you feel comfortable doing so it can only benefit the children to see their parents working things out.
I'm having a hard time picturing it happening in my life and my ex and I have a pretty good co-parenting relationship. DH's ex (BM2) would jump at the chance to do this but I could never trust her motivations or trust her not to twist things later into something ugly.
In theory I think it sounds great, when I think of it actually happening I feel anxious just thinking about it so I'm not sure I could pull it off without it being ackward. That's probably the key, keeping things from being exceptionally ackward.
It really depends on the type
It really depends on the type of BM that you have. If you are confident she is a good mom who loves her kids and wants what is best for them....and your just trying to bridge that gap and think it will help go for it. If you think that she at all has been fueling your SS's anger/tension and negative feelings then I would not do it. She will only use it against use. Tread carefully and ask your DH how he feels about it. If he can stomach breaking bread with her and you can as well....and you dont suspect she will use it as a snoop session then I would consider it. In my situation me and my SD6's BM have become very good friends and we do things together as a blended family...but it did not happen over night and I was cautious at first. Protect yourself and your family first.
Sorry - I am going to
Sorry - I am going to disagree with the posts saying tentatively yes - if BM is OK - I think if the SS felt he had to say he had a terrible time for 3.5 years, this was probably down to BM's attitude, and I don't think people change that quick. I think it is too much of a risk to ask them to dinner - it could backfire on you. If things are going better, be glad and don't push it. If the BM has truly changed her attitude, it will come across to SS from what she says and her behaviour and he will gradually relax and feel more comfortable with everything. I would tread carefully and do not do this at the moment.
If you think it's best for
If you think it's best for your dynamic to meet up with them, the I'd do it at a neutral location...Like go out for dinner...I wouldn't bring them in my home...Not until the time away from my home would be mastered...
Thank you for all the
Thank you for all the comments and suggestions! I think I have found the right place for advice! No one on either side of our families has gone through divorce and we (BD & SM)have no one who understands and can give us advice. I think I will try getting together outside of my home and see how that goes.
Thank you very much - I think
Thank you very much - I think I will try the get-together somewhere other than the homes. Like you said it probably won't be worse than what lies ahead or where we have already come from.