Quiet nice holiday--since the skids I had forgotten what those were like.
Future DH took his class on a field trip--university professor. Anyway, the princess was moving and I found it hilarious she had to do it herself. Moving into an apartment she thinks she's all adult, well I tell you what honey unless you pay everything you're still a baby in my eyes and a spoiled one at that. But I made it real clear do not even think about asking me for help.
So I spent my weekend with friends doing fun things it was amazing. I even got to sleep in one day--yahoo. Now this leads me to Thanksgiving the FDH's pain in the butt ex took a 6 month assignment so he thinks with his guilt and believes we should furnish the prince and princess with a family meal at Thanksgiving. I told him they are not my family and I was not a bed and breakfast. He could do whatever he wanted, but not one dime of mine was buying the ungrateful spawn a meal, I wasn't cleaning on my holiday, nor was I cooking. I invited him to do what I was doing, a Turkey run, big breakfast, a nap and dinner with friends.
Now I guess him and the spawn are going out or going to the apartment--I told him good you pay for it anyway you should use it. Then she can clean-up after their messy selves or not--not my problem.
I feel so liberated. And yes I know my attitude toward the spawn strains our relationship. But I've told him and I believe I would have mixed feelings if we broke up; one side is I'd never have to see the spawn ever again--so happy there, two sad that I wouldn't see him anymore. Either way I'd survive it, but I will not survive another holiday being mistreated.
He did ask what do you want me to do--I made the kid apologize last time. And yes you did honey, but what I want is it not to happen in the first place, and if it does correct them immediately in front of god and everyone. If you can't assure me they will behave politely then I do not want to spend time with them.
I moved the wedding too, I do not want their behavior ruing my wedding so we are eloping to Hawaii. And yes he knows exactly why I do not want them there.
Before anyone gets on me too hard--they are soon to be 20 and 21 in school with part-time jobs, they are not anyone's responsibility anymore. Everyone knows they can not stay at my house, and never ever live there even if they were on the streets.
The quiet weekend made me mad all over again for all the time I have lost from their petty crap. I plan to hold firm to all my time in the future!
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I hosted Sunday night dinner
I hosted Sunday night dinner for these children for almost a year and never one thank you--in fact they brought their own food micro mac and cheese because they wouldn't eat what I had fixed. All I got was ignored, told how I didn't cook, clean or even breath as well as their mother. I've hosted holiday after holiday and it is always the same thing. I bought all their Christmas gifts last year, Dad didn't shop with me or give me any of the money back.
One year I made a sweet potato for myself because the picky eaters won't eat them. Princess poked it and said eew what's that. She was 17 or 18 at this time well past the time to behave like a brat. And don't touch my food.
Anytime they come around it is the same thing give me money and let me treat you like the gum on the bottom of my shoe. Another great example is a trip we went on--their Dad left his jacket in the rental car, on asking anyone if they had seen it Princess said I saw a jacket in the car but I thought it was GoodWitch's. So if it was Daddy's jacket we'll retrieve it but GoodWitch is on her own. I told Princess good thing I know she doesn't have my back.
I am not keeping them from their dad he can do whatever he wants with them, but no more from me. I will not take the rude behavior. And yes it is way too detailed to go into too many examples, but believe me it is bad.
Their Dad gives them money to live each month and then they save and go on trips to Spain, Panama, and all over. If they can afford that then why not tell Dad they don't need the money. It is hard to watch him struggle financially everyday only to see them blow it.
I'm a step child as well, and my Dad told me that my step mom was an extension of him and to treat her as I would treat him. I was always polite in her home, and I was never disrespectful. When I went to dinner I brought something, complimented her, thanked her for her efforts and I got invited back.
Funny that you or another member said have them bring something--yeah right. Or wash a dish--not going to happen. No the entitlement air would gag you.
Amen Sister. You put it out
Amen Sister. You put it out there so well. Yes that is what it is. I am just sick of taking the little time off I get and wasting it on people who are ugly. They choose to be mean to me because they want more of their mother's approval.
I never questioned my dad's choice my sister did and she was very ugly to my step mother. I apologized for my sister's behavior many times. I felt really badly about it. And I was invited more. I was so happy my dad had someone, I was 20 and I wanted to date and have fun; I didn't want to worry about my dad. So when he found someone for me it was a relief. It didn't turn out well in the end, but that is a different story.
Thank you for your words! I was feeling attacked again. Isn't it enough that a grown 48 year old woman who is successful, educated and raised 2 kids successfully the point. If I'm all that then I know rude when I see it, and I will not stand around and take it and let it ruin my precious time off.
I keep expecting Princess to
I keep expecting Princess to give mine relationship advice and may be she has already. I have gotten the Mom and Dad were soul mates, I'm sure they'll see that they need to be back together. Now this is a 19 year old girl soon to be 20--not 5 or 10.
Both of them just make me sick. So you're right no more. If my FDH wants to kiss their butts it is his right, but me--no I'm done. He does see some of it and I think he will be like your Hubby eventually see it.
And I'm not excluding them,
And I'm not excluding them, never have. I do not have family gatherings. Most of my family is dead, so it is me and I sometimes go to friends or a movie on Thanksgiving or Christmas.
He can have the house to do it if he wants I'll be happy to leave. It is just he is shopping, cooking, and cleaning.
Sometimes the step mom can be
Sometimes the step mom can be the lion at the gate, so feed her well and you should have access to your dad.
In the end my step mother shot and killed my dad. Very traumatic, but like you said it was their relationship not mine. The event did help me see how I as being like him and making bad relationship choices so I am thankful that it lead me to therapy.
My own kids (I raised my sisters kids) do what your Step Son does, they get busy and do not call or text. They do like gifts and they show up to get them. They do not ask for money and they too would be embarrassed about asking. But they always say hello, goodbye, please and thank you. And after a certain point in raising them (my sister's influence was ever present) I lowered my expectations to please God let them pay taxes. I mean I had high hopes of college and such. But they pay taxes and take care of themselves. Remember my birthday and mother's day so it is good. So you can see I do not have high expectations and my FDH's kids still shock me at how low they can go.
I only treated her with
I only treated her with kindness before she killed him, after I was crazy mad. I sued her for wrongful death and took every cent she had, then the cents she hadn't made yet.
I then spent 15 years changing the laws locally and federally. And after those 15 years and therapy I have been able to let go.
I even headed to law school got in and just didn't want to spend everyday reliving it. So I changed to Computer Science where I wouldn't have to deal with people as much.
I'm very healthy now, this is why I know when I do not want people in my life. So my FDH kids can see him all they want, me that's different and only if I chose to do it will I.