BM called me at work yesterday
It blind-sided me. She talked to DH just before she called me & was bitching about CS. Yeah...can you imagine?
It seems she's waiting on more money to show up, & I didn't say anything, but she's already receieved & cashed everything we've sent. I have been mailing the MO's every Monday with the exception of this past Monday. We didn't put a rush on this one because of SS's comment about her using it to buy him liquor. We'll be pulling the cash after work this evening & we'll mail the MO tomorrow morning.
She talked about SD's birthday coming up. She'll be 15 on Sept 10th. She told me to please be sure they get to her before SD's birthday because it's all she'll have to do her party with. She said it's very important to her (BM) to be able to do this for her. My thought (though I didn't say anything) was, why does she expect us to understand how important it is to her, but she gives no thought to the fact that it's important to DH too? His son turned 18 last month & she didn't give 2 shits about letting him see his kid...fucking sow.
She talked about how what DH provides is nothing compared to what it should be, & the least he could do is get it to her on time. WTF? Yeah, he should take it upon himself to hijack the mailtruck & haul ass to her doorstep...
I don't know what it is, but when she gets to running her mouth about shit like that, I have nothing to say. All this stuff goes through my head, but I can't make it come out of my mouth. I think it's the "high road" mentality that was etched into my head that makes me feel like it'd be wrong or out of line to argue against what she says, & it's really upsetting me.
Nobody says the things she says NOT expecting a reaction, & I think that's what stands in my way. I really think she's wanting & expecting a reaction, & I am SO against giving it to her. The thing that's made it so easy for me to keep my mouth shut is KNOWING that she's trying to get under my skin & knowing that it just gets under hers because I don't let her. I don't give her what she wants.
That's been my mentality for 10 years now, & I can't seem to break it.
She said, "I ordered the kids tests & am just waiting for them to come. DH said he was going to hold the CS until they get into school. Please don't let him do that. Please just make sure they get in the mail".
So, from that I gather that SD hasn't taken hers either. SS said she had. He must've been trying to cover to keep BM out of trouble, but she told on herself.
DH is a big boy & makes his own choices. I don't "let" or "not let" him do anything. CS is his responsibility. It isn't up to me to make sure it gets mailed. Did I tell her that? Nope.
Maybe I don't speak up because in my head I know that it's pointless. There's no point in arguing with a liar. It just gives them more opportunity to lie.
I doubt she'll catch on, but after my coversation with her, I changed my FB status to "Hmmm...someone's pants are on fire". I know she'll tell SS she talked to me. Maybe he'll see it on my profile & catch on. Maybe he won't.
She said DH talked to her about having the CS on SS dropped because he isn't in school. She told me that he'll regret doing that because with us being married they'll take mine & his incomes into account in determining an amount for him to pay on SD. In what the lawyers I've questioned about it have said, that isn't true. But, I mentioned it to one of my co-workers this morning, & she said her newly married son is currently fighting that very battle with CS for his step-daughter.
She told me about SS drinking the vodka when they went to the beach. She said he snuck it when she went to Walmart, & that she doesn't buy it for him. She went on to say that she doesn't even drink. My thought was, if she didn't buy it for him & she doesn't drink, why would there be vodka there for him to sneak? Did I mention it? Nope. I don't know why.
DH & I concluded that it would be in her best interest to hold the CS & when he sees her again, to beat the hell out of her. When she asks why, he can simply tell her that he's helping save her soul by keeping her from being a liar. If she's telling people he does it, it's his duty to follow through to keep her honest. LOL!
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Everyone says they don't
Everyone says they don't consider Steps income, but it wasn't in the sheet when they did the calculation for mediation recently, but they did get a copy of our Tax return which has it on there. So I am not sure anymore what is true on that statement.
Good job not going off on her. I would have....
I've been to countless CS
I've been to countless CS calculators online & not one has asked about the steps income. We file taxes separately, so they'd have to pull mine in addition to his.
I don't think any state
I don't think any state considers the steps income because you are not financially or legally responsible for THEIR child.
Our BM tried to take DH back to court multiple times to get an increase in CS due to the fact he had "additional income" after we got married. Of course anyone files something the courts have to entertain, but not any of the judges awarded her more because DH married me.
It just says it all when these people think because their ex got remarried that they are entitled to the new spouses money and assets. And then they act totally shocked when their children turn out to be greedy self entitled brats.
She's just trying to say anything she can to "scare" you into giving her what she wants, which is more money.
The thing is, DH wouldn't
The thing is, DH wouldn't care if I spoke up. When I talked to him about it yesterday, he was actually a little miffed because I didn't. When I told him she pissed me off he said, "So, why didn't you tell her? Why don't you just tell her to STFU? Why don't you tell her you KNOW she's lying to you?" I said, "What's the point? It's not going to make her stop lying", & he said, "I tell her like it is. That's why she calls you. She doesn't want to hear what I have to say & she knows you'll take it". He doesn't care if she texts the shit out of his phone. He'll turn it off & be fine. He really can't lose more than he has as far as the kids. He's very much about speaking his mind & encourages me to do so as well. I have to admit that when I need a partner, he is there for me & will back me 100%.
Does it keep her from lying to him? Nope. It just leads her to call me. I guess if I can make myself throw a wrench in it, she'll forgo the call to me, & move on to someone else.
It's the high road mentality that's got me. She has nothing on me in 10 years. I can't seem to let her get one. I don't want to give her a valid reason to say that I was mean to her. I know...it's ridiculously stupid.
"you are enabling her
"you are enabling her manipulation by listening to her."
I think that's what I needed to be told. I despise enablers & I despise manipulation. I hadn't looked at it in a way where I could recognize that I have been enabling it. That's a statement I won't forget & it will give me what I need to make it stop.
Thank you.
I love how she is whining
I love how she is whining about the CS money and how poor pitiful her won't be able to pay for a birthday party without that money.. blah blah blah. I'm willing to bet money that this woman not only buys liquor, but smokes cigarettes as well. Bet she always has money for that crap, right? BM#1 is like this... smokes, drinks, does Lord knows what else, but never has any money when it comes to SD. P.R.I.O.R.I.T.I.E.S. people, let's all say it and spell it together now. UGH!
In fact she does manage to
In fact she does manage to fund her smoking habit. The last time she called DH to whine about CS being late, she stated that she really needed the money because she was out of cigarettes.
She was able to fund a week-long trip to the beach in July, but couldn't manage $100 for her kids to test out of the previous school year.
She never graduated. She never got her GED. I'm sure it's the school system's fault for failing her. She likely can't spell P.R.I.O.R.I.T.I.E.S., so why should she be expected to have them...?
She's fucking useless.
If you want some satisfaction
If you want some satisfaction you could ask her to repeat herself 3-4 times because th.. line... s... realll... ba(d)...
So she has to retell her diatribe over and over again...
Sorry? Regret what? I didn't catch that last sentence.
I need to what? I didn't get that. I need to make sure she what?
Sorry, I really have a hard job understanding you. This line is terrible today.
Can you say that again?
Vodka? What? Money Order? Oh you need a money order to buy vodka? WHAT? I really can't get what you are saying.
If nothing else she will get frustrated and hang up. And you can bask in the glow of driving her crazy without contributing one single insult to feed the ego beast.
LOL! I do have a problem
LOL! I do have a problem with my phone cord here. I have to hold it a certain way or I hear nothing.
"Can you say that again? Vodka? What? Money Order? Oh you need a money order to buy vodka?"
And then I could add, "Okay. I'll call DH's lawyer & let him know." Click.
^^^^^^^^^Diabolical
^^^^^^^^^Diabolical Genius^^^^^^^^^^^^
You could have some real fun with this, and it would actually tick her off more than engaging in the conversation and telling her no.
Never be scared to stand up
Never be scared to stand up for yourself, he married her at one point so he knows she is a fruit or they would still be married! And I agree u need to have fun with this one!
Yep bubble tried the birthday
Yep bubble tried the birthday thing with dh and CS too. saying that she can't afford a party unless she gets his CS. He told her that she needs to get a job then. She went off of course saying how being a full time mom IS her job and that it is the hardest job ever and blah blah blah. He told her that the kids are in school and all teens NO reason for her NOT to get a job and that millions of people do it every day even SINGLE mom with little kids. Did I say I Love my dh!
I would have went off ton that COW and I wouldn't have backed down either. The 2x that she talked to me she got the point real quick and never wants to talk to me ever. }:)
What did I do?? I'll tell you, the first time she was bitching b/c dh wanted to pick the boys up on HIS time and keep them on HIS time for christmas. She called me why IDK? I told her and I quote "dh will be there at this time to pick them up and if they are not there he will see you in court." And I hung up.
Apparently after that she doesn't want to talk to me. so she said. She did call me one other time making it sound like it was an emergency at 6am and woke me up to get ins info. Turns out it wasn't and I went off! You do NOT wake me up ever! She wanted it for a field trip one of the boys was going in get this 2 Weeks from then. Lets just say she tried to tell me that she had ever right to call me when ever she wanted and did call and call and call leaving awful mess. I called her and told her to stop or I would file charges. She called me again several times so I filed!
she countered with her saying she filed against me and that I would be going to jail b/c that was her 3rd time to file. Ok first it doesn;t work that way as in 3 strikes and your out according to her. I laughed at her and I hung up and never hear from her again. HA HA she never filed as I never called her but that one time to tell her to stop calling me. all her mess at on file with the police! She has NONE with me so HAH HA.
My point is that IF you stand up she will stop calling you! Or how about this just don't answer your phone to her and if she calls you at work simply say that this is for business and I can't take personal calls new rule and hang up.
Ok, maybe because i'm in
Ok, maybe because i'm in burnt out bm mode, and bf's bm gets whatever the f she wants....but I'm taking the other side here.
WTF? If he's to pay a certain time, he pays it then-who the fuck are you guys to determine when it's appropriate to pay it or withold based on her behavior, what she does? It's a court order, pay it, on time, everytime.
I speak from the other side-I work a full time job-not getting rich, but it's a decent income, between that and the $500 CS for two kids-I often am out of $ by almost a week before payday.
A lot of times that $125 a week is the difference between them eating that wknd, or not. Or having a bday party or not. I do my part..when he decides for whatever reason to NOT deposit Fridays as he's supposed to (or he also does cash on wknds we see eachother at child exchange)....it's a problem-it can cause bounced checks-a declined card at the grocery store, etc.
The economy is tough-I do not overspend, I pay my bills, I buy everything for my kids, I haven't bought myself anything in years-my wardrobe, purses, shoes falling apart, I have no wallet....I dont' get myself anything or treat myself...so dam it it pisses me off when 'he forgets' to go to the bank.
To be honest, as I tell anyone that asks-I HATE HATE HATE that I depend on it, I wish my job paid more so I dont' have to NEED that check in the bank on Friday, but my reality is NOT that right now-I'm mad at my company honestly
AND if the CS reflected what I spend on them and the increased cost of living, it might go further every week and I wouldn't be that tied to "on Friday, please don't be late".
SO-from the other end-having run out of $ when at the grocery line and digging through cupboards to scrape up food for the wknd because a NCP decides to 'punish' or 'withold' till it's convenient is deplorable. JMO. Pay on time, that's HIS job though-not yours, threats are wrong, situations can be different but what he/you are doing is from my standpoint is wrong.
Uhhh...we DO pay on time
Uhhh...we DO pay on time EVERY time. He pays weekly. The week isn't out. She called yesterday dire for the MO she wouldn't be getting until NEXT monday. Sorry. Poor planning on her part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine.
She opts to spend her support on cigarettes for herself & liquor for her minor son. Given that bit of information, no...we didn't feel the need to rush out to make a withdrawl & stand in line for a MO the first of the week. There's nothing stating anywhere that it has to be paid on Mondays. His order is for $104.96/week. It's is & has been paid on time, EVERY week.
Having food in the house is not an issue. She gets $300/week in foodstamps to feed 3 people, & mangages to feed her ex-con father, 1/2 brother, & live-in along with whatever friends they have spending weeks at a time with them. No worries, as their cupboards are never bare.
We've never "forgotten" to go to the bank. As for the birthday party, I realize the birthday is important to her. If she gave 2 shits about the fact that it's important for DH to see his kids for their birthdays or at least talk to them on the phone, yeah...we'd probably be more willing to rush out after the money. DH tried to get her to agree to meet him this Friday to get her money so she'd have it in hand for the weekend. It wasn't convenient for her.
Evidently it has yet to occur to her that her when it was convenient for her to not work to pay the support she owed him for 4 years may have been inconvenient for him. Perhaps she doesn't realize that him driving 1 1/2 hours to drop the arrears to keep her sorry fucking ass out of jail TWICE for arrears may have been inconvenient for him. She's likely overlooked the idea that keeping his kids from him for 2 years (his daughter for 5 years) was probably inconvenient & made things difficult for him.
Yeah, I realize that those things don't make it okay for him to forgo the support order, & he hasn't. We're mailing it 3 days later than normal. That doesn't make it late.
I don't feel sorry for her. She can't bring herself to get a fucking job like a grown up & do for herself. In my opinion, we have no obligation to cater to her.
There are no threats. SS is 18. The CS is to be paid until he's 18 & out of school. School started 2 weeks ago & she has YET to get them tested out of LAST year. They're not enrolled. He didn't "threaten" to stop the support. He TOLD her how it would be if she didn't get them enrolled. As a father paying support, that's his business, & if it isn't being done, his support obligation will end.
I agree that the economy is tough. I live it too. However, I bust my ass to make ends meet. DH busts his ass to make ends meet, & the fact that she isn't willing to work hard to make ends meet yet expects us to work at HER convenience to make HER ends meet pisses me off.
I'm sorry your situation pisses you off. I really am. My situation pisses me off too.
He turned 18 last month.
He turned 18 last month. School started 2 weeks ago & she hasn't enrolled them yet.
LOL! The way I understand it
LOL! The way I understand it is 18 & not in school. At 18 the option to go or not is his. If he chooses not to go, he's not progressing & there's no more support. Yeah, if he's not enrolled, he's out of school.
You know, $300 in food
You know, $300 in food stamps, CS on smokes & booze, all the people living with her probably get assistance of some kind.....
TAX DOLLARS HARD AT WORK - THESE KIND OF PEOPLE BURN MY ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yet, she wants to hound you for money early. PUT DOWN THE MARLBORO AND GET A JOB.
Sorry for you - this must be very frustrating.
AMEN!!!^^^ & thank you!
AMEN!!!^^^ & thank you!
Sorry Storm...I agree with
Sorry Storm...I agree with you-and reading all about the backstory...I realize totally where you are coming from and I'd likely feel the same way-I guess my situation is completely opposite.
My ex is thousands in arrears I wont' go after also, and has over 7 years screwed w/the CS so many times...which has affected my finances/checking balance, etc...that's what I said I realize every situation is different.
Assistance, lol-never in my LIFE have I been on assistance...always "made too much" even if by $10 to qualify haha...
Then I have to come back from working my ass off every day-go to the supermarket w/my beat up car, pay with my checking card-that might get declined...because ex said he had put money in
And I see the typical kick ass cars, w/bm's coming in w/their hair and nails did after a hard day sitting their ass at home, with 6 children in school or paid for daycares, shopping and checking out w/their EBT cards at the express lane....
I absolutely do understand
I absolutely do understand the frustration in your situation. BM was the deadbeat who ran from her obligation for 4 years. We've been on your side of the fence as well.
What pisses me off so bad is that she does, & always has done NOTHING to do for herself or for her kids, but will rake DH over the coals because the money doesn't show up on her doorstep the day she thinks it should be there.
With 2 of us in our home, we honestly live paycheck-to-paycheck. We haven't had money for a vacation...even just a weekend getaway in 6 years. We are down to 1 vehicle between us. He drops me off at work 1 1/2 hours early so he can get to his job on time, & he sits outside my job in the parking lot waiting for me to finish my day. Even if we did have 2 vehicles, we couldn't afford to put gas in both of them. I eat popcorn for lunch every day, because it's provided by my job, & we had grilled PB & J sandwiches for dinner last night & will have hot dogs for dinner tonight. She gets thousands of dollars in tax returns every year without working a day, because of the child credits. DH & I both claim "0" & still end up having to pay each year.
Not one time have I EVER complained about DH paying support, & he has never complained about having to pay it. There is no question that it's his responsibility to help support his children. I have gladly chipped in to keep support up to date when DH was laid off, because I know that it needs to be done. However, she's an entitled bully & for her to threaten to take the money that I work for to purchase cigarettes for herself & alcohol for her son...it just doesn't fly well with me at all.
I really am sorry that your ex won't man-up. I know that it's not just frustrating, but in this time, it truly is hard just to get by. Is he supposed to be paying through DCSE?