Need opinions PLEASE!!!!
Tying to make this short...over the weekend while trying to discuss issues that SD20 has with me, and getting no where (conversation was civil), she told me and DH that she wanted nothing to do with us, so I told DH we should leave, but before I left I told SD20 that she had issues and that she had some growing up to do. She told me to shut the F up and get the F out of her house, so I told her that she needed to shut the f up and she goes ranting and raving and telling her dad how could he let me talk to her like that and that he is picking me over her (all I said was she had issues and needed to grow up and told her exactly what she told me shut the f up). While passing by the window (she was inside I was leaving she calls me a b, so yeah..I told her no! your the B! So she comes outside like she is about to jump me or something. DH is holding me and pushing me in the opposite direction. We leave a day later the BM calls, DH doesn't answer, she calls again and then text both of us saying how could he let me talk to his daughter that way (mind you this little girl came at me, what was I supposed to do?? sit there and not say a damn word)?? PALLLEASE!! and that next time she (BM) sees me there will be an altercation because I shouldn't be talking to SD20 that way, I am supposed to be a woman!!! (Give me a break!). So SS24 (who is the only sensible one in that family) calls DH and gets DH side of the story, because SD20 totally turned it around saying that I came at her cussing and calling her all kinds of names). SS24 told DH that he knows how SD20 is and totally believes our side of the story. He told his BM to stay out of it. Well, then he calls DH today and asks when is he going to call BM to discuss this. (?) WTF??? Do you think DH needs to call or respond to ignorant BM??? DH says that he knows that he needs to talk to her so he can tell his side of the story. I say F her. What doe you all think???
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I would take the text as a
I would take the text as a threat against your safety. I would file a police report ad take the phone with you so they can see it. I would have dh make it clear to Bm to stay out of it and your sd to cut the crap and that he wont tolerate her behavior towards you. She is a grown up, too...she needs to cut the crap?!
I would talk to him before he
I would talk to him before he talks to her, and remind him that is wasn't your fault. He should call. Whether it's fun or not, they're all in your life.
Your DH doesn't need to
Your DH doesn't need to explain anything to BM. She was not a part of this. Why your SS got himself involved is beyond me. I've been through all the he said/she said/twopines said stuff, and it's really no one's concern other than the people who actually had the argument.
I completely agree with
I completely agree with twopines, it's nothing at all to do with the BM or anyone (inc SS) who wasn't there. I would leave everything to simmer down, don't have any further contact with SD for a while.
These "little pnes" are 20 &
These "little pnes" are 20 & 24. Their adults; dh doesn't need to speak to bm about anything ever again.
wonderwhy...I've been spoken
wonderwhy...I've been spoken to like that. 28 year old in my own office. Her last day working in there for sure!
Until they mature, you've got a little girl to deal with. Maybe they'll grow up, probably not. When they're angry at their father, you're the target. When they're angry...you're both targets.
I've made it a point not to say or do anything that I'd have to apologize later. That has not been easy, especially when the nit-wit puts on her pony-dog act in front of people how sweet she is and how much she loves her daddy...yes, she's now 30+, doesn't call or stop by, but she see's us someone....omg, you'd think she was just the sweetest little angel so caring for her daddy. What a crock of an act. But, it gives her a self of validation that she tries so hards and an oppotunity to throw herself on the flow in wailing sobs of how unkind we are to her.
Cookoo-cookoo sings the birdies that flit around her head.
Don't let the "drag rag" drag you down. Keep your words short and kind, as this mess is your husband's daughter and he's feeling terrible he produced such a embarrassingly emotional hateful child. These messes aren't capable of feeling remorse or shame.....so step and keep back from the drama. IT's all an act to them, don't lower yourself to her level.
With the Skids being 20 and
With the Skids being 20 and 24, I do not see why your DH has to deal with BM at all - they are adults. SS should stay out of it, too. The arguement was between your DH, you, and SD. DH should put SD in her place and tell her she will not treat you that way and make it clear to her that her behavior IS NOT acceptable. He needs to tell SS he should stay out of it because it had nothing to do with him.
As far as BM texting you indicating there is going to be an altercation. Go to the police, with text in hand - explain what happened with SD - file a police report - she has made a threat. Our BM did something like that about 1 1/2 years ago - the police report turned into a restraining order. The kids are grown - neither DH, nor you should have to deal with BM.
Kudos to you for standing
Kudos to you for standing your ground with SD. Pisses me off that these Skids think they can talk to people anyway they want with no consequences. My SD26 once told me to shut the F up during an argument, but she made the mistake of not realizing where she was at. She was living in OUR house at the time. I cursed right back at her and told her to move the F out of MY house. She did the exact thing your SD did, which is to ask my wife how could she let me talk to her like that. It's almost comical if you ask me. Skids always go running to mommy/daddy whenever somebody hurts their precious little feelings. :sick:
Part of the problem with these adult SKIDS is that their bioparents never taught them to respect their elders and other people. You had every right to curse back at her and tell her how you really feel, because sometimes even though you're supposed to be the bigger person you reach your breaking point and you can't take it anymore. Bio-mom doesn't deserve any type of explanation. It would be one thing if your SD was not an adult then BM would have every right to know what happened but since this is not the case, screw her. She's part of the reason that your SD is such a little pampered bitch.
Part of the problem with
Part of the problem with these adult SKIDS is that their bioparents never taught them to respect their elders and other people
**********
Amen! Seems like the bios spend so much time on getting back at the ex, guilty parenting and disney parenting because they feel bad, they overlook the PARENTING part.
I don't care if a child is a bio or a skid - they need to know appropriate behavior and unacceptable behavior. Parents are doing these kids a big injustice if they don't give them that. They will never be real productive in this world or even have a clue in life.
It's not just their fathers
It's not just their fathers world they have a hard time with.....many of them have dysfunctional relationships with everyone in life.
Teaching them to be like this pretty much ensures their lives are going to be filled with drama, hate, and loneliness. Most people with a clear head on their shoulders will only put up with behavior like this for so long.
"Part of the problem with
"Part of the problem with these adult SKIDS is that their bioparents never taught them to respect their elders and other people."
Agreed...BM is so busy trying to be the "good guy", "best friend", "love me most", "hate and hurt Dad and HER"...that respect totally goes out the window.
Not to worry, they'll disrepect their BM and others and have to deal with those issues until they're figured it out to receive respect, one must genuinely give it.
Until they've earned respect, they'll be talking smack and dealing with their self centered issues with unhappy consequences.
Think of all the blended families and the few, out of millions, who post in here. I believe the reason is because we're the ones stuck with the rude and cruel SK. Most everyone else got it right and allow themselves and their parents to live a happy life. Those that deal with the turds post in here....that includes dealing with the BM, too.
Sorry to get off the point of
Sorry to get off the point of the original post here, but DoneWithIt really hit the nail on the head of my own situation. Not only did my SDs BM not teach her daughters to respect elders, but as DoneWithIt said, she has been so busy trying to be best friend, love me most, hate and hurt HER, that she has turned out two rather unpleasant, combative, shreiking harpies the elder of which has now turned on her and is giving out to her "best friend BM" the same treatment.
What does BM do? Demand that said harpy comes and lives with me and DH. Uh, what? Over my f-ing dead body she comes and lives here. You made your bed, BM, you lie on it. Sorry, must go and lie down in a darkened room a few minutes!
Yikes, this sounds like
Yikes, this sounds like junior high.
"No, YOU are!!" Ugh. I'm hoping this was just a loss of control on your end and not the way you normally act.
SD was out of line. Clearly. You guys should have just left.
You don't need to discuss ANY of this with BM. The kids are adults. She's not involved.
TOTAL loss of control on my
TOTAL loss of control on my part!!! I was fuming!! FURIOUS!! Not my character at all!
Lady, you have control of
Lady, you have control of your life,please don't let a grown SD make your life unhappy, you do not need to explain sh$t to anyone,next time just don't bring yourself down arguing with that spoil brat..have a nice glass a wine,relax and forget that little liar....
Thank you!!
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You got your licks in when
You got your licks in when you lost your temper -- you got that stuff off your chest. That probably felt good to utter the truth and loud. I often regret that I never let loose on my SD when she was so awful to me. Even all these years later, I wish I had belted out like you did!
But the blowback from everyone is why I never uttered a bad word to SD. If you say nothing, they can't blow it up. No one can say, "You're supposed to be the adult," even if that is a load of BS.
There's a price to pay for speaking the truth. It's too bad it has to be that way.