my 'husband' and i moved in together 6 months ago, and joined our two little families... lately, i am so incredibly frustrated.... i have looked through some of the other blogs on this site, and i now know that i am not the only stepparent out there who has a hard time enjoying the role... i figured maybe we just haven't been functioning together for long enough, but i dont know... my most recent challenge however, that i wouldn't mind some insight on would be how do you keep your biological kids from adopting HORRIBLE habits from your step kids without making your husband feel like a total failure as a parent? he was a young, single dad when his boys were small, so it was hard for him to keep everything together, and when their mother decided to come back into their lives and share custody she did it half heartedly. he still spends a lot of time trying to compensate for their mother with treats, and games and pandering to their every whim. the result has been two emotionally detatched boys with high ecpectations and no respect or appreciation for anything or any one.
i have never allowed my children to play a lot of video games, i prefer they go outside and play... i encourage mental stimulation like reading, or creative arts or music... video games are supposed to be for entertainment... my stepsons however are OBSESSED... it's all they do, all they think about, all they talk about, and they seriously go through withdrawals without them. video games have completely replaced all social interaction in their world and it's honestly, frightening. neither of them can even so much as ride a bike, let alone 'play outside' and be happy. i've actually seen the 9 year old pee his pants rather than pause the game and go to the toilet... it's weird! it was SO HARD to keep my mouth shut when my husband would chastise my 2 year old for having an accident when he was potty training... but, i digress. the point is, suddenly my oldest son is wanting to join them all the time... i am not ok with that, and now my biological son thinks i'm being mean, and my husband thinks i feel like he's failed his boys by allowing this to happen... well.. honey you kinda have.
i have always fed my children healthy balanced meals, and because of that they have rarely had an issue eating what i put down in front of them. kids are kids, sometimes they just don't like the look of something, and end up going to bed without supper lol but for the most part my 3 are good eaters, always have been, and have, as a result, been very healthy and well-thriving their whole lives. my stepsons, have been brought up being given exactly what they want (mostly chicken and fries, hotdogs and plain cheese sanwiches) because neither of their natural parents were willing to put up the fight. their mother couldn't be bothered, and my husband just wants them to be happy... christ, the 9 year old won't even drink milk without chocolate sauce in it. now, at 9 and 11 years old they have horrible teeth, are underweight and under height. my 6 year old weighs in (at 52 pounds) 5 pounds less than his 11 year old stepbrother. they have bowel problems, can't run, perform poorly academically... the nonsense at meal times is too much to handle. they whine and groan, and CRY! an 11 year old boy CRIES, literally, because he doesn't want to eat the food i make. i'm not making asparagus and haggis here either, i'm talking lasagna, spagetti, homemade pizza, potroast with cobcorn and mashed potatoes... normal everyday stuff! my oldest bio son will finish two helpings before his stepbrothers have even stopped shaking and crying enough to choke down one bite. now, my bio-daughter, 5, is starting to pick up this behaviour. the first words out of her mouth at dinner for the last week have been "but i don't LIKE that!"... stuff she had no problem with before we all shared a home. with all 5 of them sitting at the table how to i tell her to eat what i put in front of her like a proper girl, that that behaviour is not acceptable.. when the two OLDEST CHILDREN in the house are behaving like that in front of her and their father panders to it?
my bio-kids idolize these boys because they're older than them, naturally... and it scares the hell out of me! what do i do?? i know i chose to be with their father, not them, and that eventually they will grow up and move out... but what can i do to keep my children mentally and physically healthy, and still maintain a strong relationship with my husband? it's getting more and more strained every day... i dread the days they are going to be at our house... and it makes me feel so guilty! it's not their fault they were brought up this way... ugh... please somebody tell me it gets better! lol