SD 18 Tried one last thing - Can't Believe how she thinks!
So, SD 18 - The one who stole my panties, trashed my bathroom,, trashed my closet, lied to everyone, told my kids I am a bitch - is leaving today. She stayed with friends and her BM while here since she won't admit to anything! BM left yesterday with out SD and today DH calls and says that SD has nowhere to shower! I said- fine - you come here with her and I will go out. He's at work -I said fine - she calls me, apologizes for all her shit and she can shower. Of course - this causes a fight between my DH and I. Fast forward - she is not ready to apologize and will shower at her friends. She never wanted to come here. She wanted to cause a fight. I should have said fine and just let all my friends be here to witness. DH is so clueless - he says he is hurt - I am disgusted. I was raised to be a good person. To treat people with respect. I told my kids if they ever pulled this on their SM I would punish them (even though she's a nut and would deserve it!) She is 18 - this is getting worse! I never met anyone so manipulative in my life.
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Staying calm in that
Staying calm in that situation was difficult for me too...not exactly the same but, still, the SD just causing havoc and pitting DH and I against each other is pretty usual for this type of kid. By this type of kid I mean an immature, easily influenced by BM and totally self absorbed type of kid. I am pretty sure, just reading the posts here, a lot of us have been to hell and back with this sort of behavior with SKids.
What helped me enormously, sadly eventually, was to disengage, switch of every concieveable button my SD could push and let her 'daddy' handle her. I referred her to him at every point she needed something and he was exhausted. I have to say he pretty quickly got the picture and 'decided' that she was older now and some 'tough love' was called for. I can accept that as being his way of not losing face, or wimping out of chastising or disciplining her.
This needs to be nipped in the bud, my mistake was that it went on too long and I allowed it.
You are due a new set of whatever she destroyed! She'll pay, one way or another! Trust Karma my friend.
You only fight when you both
You only fight when you both engage in the issue.
By disengaging he can be as disappointed in your attitude as he wants but you refuse to discuss the matter.
I cannot see why she didn't shower at her friends place in the first place. Or wherever she stayed with her mother. She was just fishing for trouble.
She was at a friend's house,
She was at a friend's house, she could shower at the same friend's who was driving her here. You are right - she was fishing for trouble. She wasn't going to come here without her father. I have disengaged, which my husband can't understand. I hope therapy will make him see the whole picture. Still waiting for my Victoria's Secret gift card!