How can I tell my husband NO without him getting all defensive about the sd
I need some advise. I am a new mom and this is my first rodeo. I did not know until I sarted back to work how much time it takes out of my schedule to get the baby dressed, fed and off to babysitters before I head to work. I AM NOT COMPLAINING! I enjoy every moment, but it has taken some practice and I so commend the mothers that have 3 or 4 kids!
Last night, my husband informed me that, due to his new job, that I would be taking his daughter...my sd to school on the days that we have her. The only reason I was informed is because I asked him what his plans were. He then told me and I then asked him...."When were you going to tell me your plans?" He said well there are still three more weeks before school starts. This really hurt me. See, I am frowned upon by my husband when I give my sd chores aka responsibilites. He thinks it is just awful asking her to make her bed or pick up her shoes. But, yet he informs me I will be taking his sd to school.
Would it be wrong in me, because I have no authority at my house over her while the father is there, on the days that I DO have her in the morning by myslef tell her I expect her bed to be made and her room to be picked up before I take her to school. That is all I ask of everybody.
To be honest, I dont even want to deal with her in the mornings. She is such a baby. Only if I knew then what I know now. What is sad is that I love my husband soooo much but his sd is the one thing we do not see eye to eye on. I want her to grow up a responsible adult and he wants her to grow up thinking he was the parent that never told her NO.
I think I am in a loosing battle.
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This........ Only if I knew
This........
Only if I knew then what I know now. What is sad is that I love my husband soooo much but his sd is the one thing we do not see eye to eye on. I want her to grow up a responsible adult and he wants her to grow up thinking he was the parent that never told her NO.
this is the thing a lot of SP say!! But for some reason - they won't let you step in or try to help (unless it's giving rides or doing something for the SK). I don't see this really ever changing :?
I have 3 BK's and a SD14 - she is so out of control but since she sweet talks her teachers and gets good grades; daddy's little princess can do no wrong! It's pathetic!
I have felt like you for years. I am/was involved w/ nothing; nothing; until I was NEEDED!
Been exactly where you are
Been exactly where you are at. Set down basic rules and was accused of being a tyrant. You would have to go back two years in my blogs about SD15. Now fast forward and she didn't like rules. DH got on board after about a year of me beating my head against a wall. I had to stop doing anything for everyone to wake his ass up. It worked but too late for SD. She now lives with mom and I will not allow her back in our home since she signed the papers to not live with us. Very long story.
Now ironically we are headed back to court to sue her for SS13 since he wants to live here where there are rules and structure.
You can't fight this. But, what you can do is insist that if you are to take her to school it is done your way and if he won't back you up he better hire a transport service to get her there because you will not be helping. She is not your kid. My mantra when I get frustrated is NOT MY KID NOT MY PROBLEM. Works for me as I walk away...
Told, not asked? I'd tell
Told, not asked? I'd tell him where to get off. You are an adult partner, not his B*%#H. Why do you have more time in the morning then he does?
Should you AGREE to the REQUEST, I'd make real clear your expectations. She is old enough to get herself together, dressed fed, etc. Tell them what time you leave, when (notice I didn't say if) she is not ready - LEAVE. You take your baby to daycare & send DH a text letting him know that your skid wasn't ready and your sticking to your rules. It is now his problem.