School functions---how do you do it?
I am curious how do you do school functions with a blended family?
BM expects us to sit with her and be sweet as pie "For the kids"
she met us and the kids (sk's, and my Bio kids and DH--it was our weekend) at family movie night at the school. She sat in "our chair" because she didnt bring her own, layed on "our blanket" because she didnt bring her own. Ate dinner with us and all the kids, walked out with us...everyone said good bye when it was over and we left. I thought we did pretty good, after all i didnt go and dump her out of MY chair that her fat butt was sitting in. Then we get a letter from her attorney saying that we should try harder for the kids...at least fake it.....OMG what does this woman want from us? We are not going to be her best friend.
Im curious how other families do this....Its never been a problem with my ex and my kids and new wife.....so i am not sure what to do.....any ideas or advice...
we have a lot of school functions that will start again in Aug. and my son and sk's all go to same school......
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i love your term
i love your term whoremobile....I think I might start using that one.......
I agree about the hint of possibility there.....Thanks for the advice.....
Good advice - look great and
Good advice - look great and pretend nothing bothers you. I used to have fun making friends with all the moms in front of BM. It showed her up and helped past the time - You're the better parent anyway! Show off. PS - Let the lawyer send letters - it doesn't cost you any money!
I have two BM's to deal with
I have two BM's to deal with and we handle them both differently. BM1 of SD14 we attend, sit seperately, speak cordially before or after if necessary but always very briefly. (DH hates her)
In regards to BM2 of SD5 we are friendly, we have blended, and we do things together. We attend things together, we even go out to dinner together just for the heck of it and hang out at each others houses.
You have to do what works for your situation. I have one good and one bad BM. They get treated accordingly.
we have been to plenty of
we have been to plenty of school functions and sometimes BM shows up and sometimes she dosent. Recently she got fired from folding clothes so she has been at EVERYTHING!!!!! we do NOT sit near eachother and there is no talk at all. ss6 lives with us and see's her maybe 2 ro 3 saturday nights and has his sleepover there. I look fantastic and always ALWAYS talk to the other kids mothers. People at school dont even know who she is. ********* she came to the 1st grade moving up ceremony in a strapless ZEBRA dress, yes i know. All my ss6's friends mothers looked and me and i just smiled back at them. at the end of the ceremony BM got up and walked over to ss6 and gave him a hug, his friends asked him, who is that? HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING?? and neither did she?? WTF?? a REAL mother would let it be KNOWN!!!! I AM HIS MOTHER!!,, i swear, you just cant make any of this crap up.
P.S. LOVE " whoremobile"
WE usually meet BM at the
WE usually meet BM at the function and she will sit near us, or with us. We get along for the most part so it doesn't really bother me. She has sat in our chair at baseball games and whatnot... no big deal. But I think it really depends on the dynamic of the relationship as a whole. We don't really give each other hell in general. If I got something in the mail to that affect after an interaction like that, I would be like WTF??? There is nothing you can do to please that woman apparently. She sounds dilusional. I wouldn't worry about it.
It's hard to give you advice
It's hard to give you advice only knowing that limited info. (sorry, I admit I didn't go back and read your prior posts if you have any).
However, assuming that they are legally divorced, and assuming that there is no court order that forces your DH to attend school functions at all, nevermind appearing with BM - then DH does NOT have any obligation to BM and who gives a CRAP what BM wants.
These BM's are only concerned with one thing: THEIR POWER/CONTROL (or perceived power/control) over their exH.
Check DH's divorce order - custody, visitation, etc.. I highly doubt there's ANY language in there that legally obligates DH to BM in such a way as she wants.
It's one thing to be amicable/friendly "for the sake of the kids" (TM), but it's another thing to sit together or share common seats or whatever. That's ridiculous, IMO. They are divorced for a reason - they don't get along.
Also, I think it is highly DAMAGING to "act" like they are so friendly/close/butterflies & rainbows. This will ALWAYS make a child believe that there is HOPE that someday, someway, their bioparents will GET BACK TOGETHER.
Gimme a break with the letter from BM's lawyer, too. He's obviously more than happy to write a totally meaningless & frivolous letter because he will BILL HER for writing that letter! DUH!! If he's getting paid by BM, he'll do cartwheels and handstands for her, too. Ignore it. Does DH also have a lawyer? What does his lawyer say about it?
Thank you...No CO does not
Thank you...No CO does not say anything about any of the above.
DH does not have an attorney...I think we should get one but her says that people only get attorneys when do something wrong and we have not done anything wrong. So we will see, we agreed to go to our Conflict Resolution Conf. and see how that goes. then will decide on attorney.
You are not there for BM, you
You are not there for BM, you and DH are there for the kids. Do not sit with her but make sure the Skids know that you and dad are there for them.
When she "sits in your chair, lays on your blanket" and eats your food she is marking her turf and establishing dominance. Followed by the letter from her attorney seals this as reeking of petty and vitriolic bull shit.
So, own her ass. Dump her out of your chair if she shows up in your area to poach on YOUR DH and YOUR family.
Be respectful but let her know in no uncertain terms that she was not invited to join you nor is she welcome.
All IMHO of course.