I hardly ever post, because just thinking about this stupid shit, let alone verbalizing it, usually completely pisses me off.

My MIL is absolutely the most self-centered, narscissistic person I know. Even moreso than my dad. She constantly looks for ways to exert control over what DH and I do, especially when it comes to SD13 (we have her full time, and I have been in the picture since she was 7). This time though, she has just gone too damn far.

It will be three years this Dec., her husband (DH's step-dad) passed away. They were married for nearly 10 years, and DH's step-dad had pretty much done more for him and SIL than their own father. I adored that man. He was like the one piece of sanity in the whole MIL situation. SFIL has a son. We spent nearly every holiday with him, his wife and their 2 small children. His wife was pregnant with their third when SFIL passed away. It was just a few days away from Christmas, so that year, we all celebrated/grieved together. Then, MIL said they gradually just stopped calling. She said she called them, but they would not return her calls, etc.. Then the next Christmas, she said she called and invited them, but they didn't want to come.
From that, DH, his sister & I, just assumed that maybe they just wanted to go their separate ways and cut ties with us.

Wrong. I was talking to SD about a month ago. We were talking about how her grandma (MIL) lies all the time and everything. (It's pretty well known to everyone in our family that she does this. However, if anyone says anything about it, she will deny, deny, deny and never acknowledge that she did anything wrong, and that it's everyone else who is lying).
So, she tells me that she heard her grandma on the phone to SFIL's son that 2nd Christmas. She told them that we weren't doing anything. She told them that we weren't having dinner, and weren't even doing presents that year. :jawdrop:

So, this whole time, we have thought that they didn't want anything to do with us, when in reality, she was manipulating the whole situation because SHE didn't want anything to do with THEM.

The separation from them and the kids really hurt SD13, and she didn't understand why we never saw them anymore.. until now.

I sent SFIL's son's wife a friend request on FB about 2 weeks ago after DH and I discussed it. Thank god, she added me, but was foreseeably upset. I did explain what happened, and since she knows MIL just as well as I do, she believed me. I really hope we can reconcile with them. I have been just sick about it since I found out. And, I just don't understand how MIL can be ok with hurting so many people, just because SHE didn't want anything to do with them.
She even told SD13 to stop calling them her aunt and uncle. I am sooooo done with that woman.