It's Official...H & I are over!
Well, it's official, H and I are separated. He moved out this past holiday weekend.
I have mixed feelings. I love stbxH, I really do, but we just are NOT good together and never have been. I do miss him though, but know that once we get over this hump we will both be better off apart.
This weekend was an SD12 weekend, and since stbxH moved out on Friday he picked SD12 up on Saturday and took her to his new place for the weekend. So the good news is my last eow unwanted houseguest experience ended two weeks ago! The sad news is my boys spent their first few nights in our home without their Dad this weekend, although they didn't seem to be affected by the absence much (probably because I used to do over 90% of the parenting on the weekends while H slept all day anyway!) Bad news is I now have more concerns than ever about my children being treated fairly by their Dad compared to SD12. My thought was that H would want the children together, so that the weekends that he had SD12 her would get the boys too. However, while H picked up SD12 saturday morning and took her home on Monday afternoon, he only kept the boys for 8.5 hours on Sunday from 10-6:30pm. (Why he couldn't leave his "BFF Mini Wife" SD12 in the car when he picked up and dropped off my boys I don't know. Felt like an extra "dig" at me, but then maybe this is all too new with my being freshly rid of H & SK baggage!) Of course I know this has everything to do with the fact that H doesn't really like to "parent" and since the boys are young (6yo & 2yo) they would require a lot more parenting than SD12 who H basically lets do whatever she wants without supervision. Yes, I do also realize that H just moved and this doesn't indicate a "pattern" but instead just a "one-time" event that was probably necessary given that H just moved and needed to get settled in his apartment this weekend, but like I said I just have "concerns" based on H's prior behaviors (one of the many reasons we are no longer together!)
Finally, I'll say that the move came at the right time. I posted a few weeks ago that SD12 was moving and after that I confirmed via H that BM is moving in with her long-term BF. Well H had started going on and on about his "concerns" for SD12 living there considering that BM's BF has 2 teenage sons that visit him eow, and that BF apparently lives in a "bad" part of town so H is worried about SD12's safety (this one was particularly funny since H wasn't contributing anything to his living in and SD visiting MY home in a decent part of town!) So this of course led us to revisiting the idea of SD12 living with H and that is where I put my fut down and basically said in no uncertain terms that it would NOT be in MY house! It's just as well too, because if BM hadn't decided to move we would still be facing a potential long-term summer visit from SD12 given that school is out for the summer starting this week. Now H can have SD12 come and live with him and they can live happily ever after together!
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Comments
How great for you. Your
How great for you. Your stress level should go down tremendously.
And in 3 years (or less) when SD12 gets a boyfriend, your ex will be all aloooooone.
Cogratulations! It's going
Cogratulations!
It's going to be hard with your two boys. I hope you get everything solid in your decree, because you will probably really, really need it for several years. I know I did when I got my divorce, but it all got a lot better after a few years.
Sorry to hear you had to go
Sorry to hear you had to go through all this but the relief must be INCREDIBLE!
I can't tell you how relieved I will be without the damacles sword of GG's supersized "angels" (especially the horrid youngest two) hanging over my head as they threaten on again and off again to "un-PAS" out depending on the stakes involved (goodies, 2 xmases, 2 b-days, no rules/boundaries/structure)
"BFF Mini Wife" SD12
WOW so APTLY put!! I just may borrow that!!
Yep, ye olde "daddy's little princess" syndrome. YUCK!
((HUGS))
Mommylove, I know that your
Mommylove, I know that your breakup must be bitter sweet. Think of it like this. You will never have to deal with SD again. I too am prepping myself for the inevitable backlash when it comes time to inform my DH that I will not under any circumstances let SD10 move into our home. We already have SS18 and I can see in the very near future BM trying to pawn off her DD on us too. I accepted the first kid, but I will NOT accept the 2nd one. I have my own kids and I don't need to clean up any one else's mess. Have a cocktail and celebrate your new beginnings. YOu too will live happily ever after. Let's see what poor victim DH finds to tend to his little princess now!
Yes, daaahling and make sure
Yes, daaahling and make sure if/when you start dating again,(seriously this whole experience has put me off human men FOREVER; I'll live with my CATS thank you)
. . . you find a man WITH ZERO PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED FAMILY (aka crotch dropping(s) and the nasty BM to go along with it!!) They're OUT there, believe me!!
Auteur, do you really believe
Auteur, do you really believe they are out there....?
I hope you are right! I needed to hear that!
Thanks,
OH yeah, I've worked with
OH yeah, I've worked with quite a few! Some of them are not very "handsome" but I'd take that over screaming princess/prince brats ANY day!
Which is better:
handsome guy with TONS of guilty daddy baggage
or
average looking guy with no children
I vote for option B!!
Well the relief must be
Well the relief must be bitter sweet...
Sweet: you can now breath in your own home....
Bitter: SD will forever be a "part" of your life...because after all she is your Boys 1/2 sister!!!!!!! Nightmare?? I hope not... get your C/O to out line all the things you have learned and seen here....try to avoid the pitfalls of the divorced dad bs...
I hope you do break out the bottle of wine and have a nice toast to taking your life back
Im sorry ....really..Im so
Im sorry ....really..Im so amazed at how step children play a huge role in divorce/seperation...I go through stuff too as many of you know, but the vows we take just stepped on by step kids or the DH's out there because they don't know how to set boundaries....then you have two sons of your own with DH ...now they have to go through that EOW crap! Im sooo afraid of this ...thats why I use this site to vent and get advice although it is mainly left up to me as to what I want to do about a situation, I get lots of help from you guys sometime serious sometimes funny....My DH left and came back within a few days! I dont want to put my sons through that EOW stuff I want them to have their father everday! So when alot of you say you would not put up with what I put up with, I agree but as long as my DH pays his part of the bills gives me some personal $ every now and then does the yard work makes groceries and helps with laundry, bathes the babies sometime Im fine!! so what i find a stupid text to BM as long as its not sex related or totally inappropriate then i can deal with it BUT believe Im gonna let DH have it! But he has stopped a lot of things that make me uncomfortable when it comes to BM ...It just takes time Like my my mom and dad say today DIVORCE IS NOT AN OPTION! Unless there is abuse or some other horrible thing, but my mom says in her day the women just sucked it up and kept the home together ...they have been married over 35 years! and yes my dad had two sons when him and my mother got together so she had her fair share of everything we talk about on here.....Just stay strong ladies we are all here for each other
I am so sorry. I don't even
I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say to something like this, other than {{{BIG HUGS}}}
Hi honey - I am happy for
Hi honey - I am happy for you!! It takes courage to do what is right for yourself. HUGS-!!!!
**THIS**
**THIS**
Thanks for all of the kind
Thanks for all of the kind words and support all!
Yes, it will be challenging with our 2 children now, but if nothing else at least stbxH & I are very committed to co-parenting our boys with as much access to stbxH as possible/he wants, so it WILL get better for us!
PS - I will NOT be a "crazy BM"! I really don't care what H does with the boys on his time as long as they are taken care of and not mistreated. H can date whoever he wants and knowing H these women WILL likely be around my children before he even knows them very well, but again, as long as my children are cared for and not mistreated, I'll leave the "parenting" to H on his time!