He is afraid of going to court, and turning it into a big mess that's why he doesn't push harder.

The BM wanted to talk to me first, and we have met before. If she hadn't i wouldn't have even considered it as an option. At this point, we are somewhat at a stalemate and someone has to be the first to offer peace. I don't have so much pride i am not willing to make things better if it's a possiblity.

When the BM first moved here, she told him that she wanted to sit down and have a talk with me about the situation and about the daughter. But, the situation was too volitile at that time and i told him i felt like there were to many issues that they needed to sort out. (visitation, getting used to living close by, basically felt like they were just barely going through the divorce because she had lived in another state since they first seperated and were divorced) They never really went through the process of coming to terms with the fact that they were divorced and were no longer a family.

It has actually taken all this time for the BM to start getting the idea of what divorce means. (she had a really skewed perspective as to how it was going to be and what their roles were)

So, he told her it wouldn't be a good idea for us to talk back then. (she actually sent an email/letter addressed to him and me, and he told her he wasn't going to give it to me because she was "incoherant" in it) Really, he knew she would probably upset me and it would cause more drama.

So, now that a bunch of time has passed and they are starting to figure out some boundaries and work out visitation and figure out what it means to be divorced, i thought it would help alleviate some tension if she had the opportunity she originally wanted to sit down and talk.

The idea was, that if i was looking at this as long term then it would be better if we could at least be on talking terms, and be civil. I don't expect to be friends and i would avoid that. As little contact as neccesary is best. But, if i was the mother then i would probably want a chance to talk to a women my daughter might look to as an example. I would want to have that line of communication open. Not because i want to have anything to do with her but because it would be more healthy for the situation and more healthy for my child. So, i tried to see things from her perspective and let her know that i didn't want to be enemies and was willing to put animosity and harsh feelings aside for the good of everyone involved in this situation.

I think the reason she doesn't want to talk now... is that it would be more difficult to dislike me and be disrecpectful towards me if she knew me better. She is a nice person at her core. And, she is a counselor. She hates me because she feels threatened by me, that i would succeed where she failed. (relationship with her ex, as well as being a better mom) I think she is afraid to talk to me now that she has seen some of my reactions because i handle my emotions more maturely. I don't blow up, i don't yell, i don't call people names just because i'm angry.

I'm careful what i say, i think about everything beforehand, she can't get me to react which means she can't control me. That makes me even more of a threat. I think she originally wanted to "talk" so she could try and figure me out, and also control me the way she controls him and his daughter. She's afraid to respond now because i have not allowed her to control me, i have no allowed her behavior to ruin my relationship with her ex.

But, i also know that she wants what's best for her child, and i do think she is a good mom and if she could get past her insecurities and issues she would know that everyone being able to be at least civil would be the adult/mature way to handle the situation and that it would make things easier for everyone. (including herself) So, i wanted to be the bigger person and give her the opportunity. If i didn't at least try, then how could i say i'd done everything possible to make the situation better?

And, trying does add to my credibility as well. It shows that i can put aside my selfish, personal emotions and do what is best for the child. (instead of what is best for myself) It gives credibility when i give my bf suggestions that could improve the situation. He knows i am doing it because i truly want things to be better for his daughter, not because i just want my way.

Also, he isnt' stepping out of his childs life. He sees her as much as he sees me. More than most dads see their kids even when they are married. (two evenings per week until bedtime + every day after school + one or two days before school + every saturday)

The only problem is he lets his ex control HOW he sees her. At th ex's house usually, and the ex plans activities for the daughter that the ex can share in. (like soccer every saturday that she attends because she wants time with her daughter) But.. that's a whole other topic! Althought that is also why the sleepover was a big deal. Time with daughter/dad, uninterrupted by BM.

He is also getting tired of her being so controlling. And is pushing for his rights more now that they are more settled in.