so, obviously SO has been worried and stressed about how things are going to work with his parents visiting. So, he finally scheduled to talk with his ex about the schedule and activities and such.

He DID, finally listen to me and tried to treat it as a business partnership. Instead of staying late after the daughter went to bed, he instead scheduled a lunch meeting. He drove over to her work for lunch with the intent to go over some specific issues and try to resolve them. This is a much more appropriate situation than what was happening before. (staying until 10pm at her home while they "talked" stuff through)

He did admit it was much easier to stay to the topic this way, and much less emotional. (she can't get THAT emotional at a restaurant, and since time is limited they have no choice but the cut to the chase and discuss only the topic at hand) I'm really happy about this improvement! I made sure I told him I really appreciated the effort he made to correct the bad boundaries they were having with their late night discussions.

He also brought up the issue of it being his choice how he spends his time with their child, and who he spends the time with. He said she finally agreed, although the comment he made later tells me she did not REALLY agree. She said "fine, do whatever you want" and as a woman i know this isn't really an agreement. ;P

But, he took it as such. And, the fact that he keeps pushing the issue eventually she will get tired of fighting it. He is still afraid i think to actually test out this "freedom" and hasn't schedule anything yet. I've been hinting about it. I told him, when we do finally do something like him bringing her to our apartment with me there, she is going to freak out. Expect it. Let her. She needs to go through this process. She needs to freak out, then see that he stands firm and doesn't cave in. she will freak out a few more times, and eventually she will realize that it isn't as big of a deal as she imagines. (his daughter will still only see me once a week or less for like an hour or two. this is not exactly earthshattering)

But, i know she didn't really mean what she said and i guess i am a little afraid of stirring up a hornets nest as well. The first saturday after this "lunch discussion", he spent the day as usual with his daughter. He took his parents over also and everyone hung out at the pool... except me. I DID already have plans for lunch in that day, but i called him around 2pm to let him know i was heading home. He didn't invite me to join them.

I thought about this, and realize that i've spent so long knowing i was not welcome that it might be partly my fault that i still am feeling isolated. I didn't feel comfortable to just stop by and say hello. I should have. I should just ignore the fact that she probably doesn't really want me to show up, and she might get in a fight with him later. right?

It feels wrong to stop by HER house, if he is spending time with his daughter there. But then again, I should not have to feel like i can't reach my SO just because he is at her house. If she doesn't want me stopping by, then she might insist that he take the daughter somewhere else?

I think i was also worried that he might get upset if i stopped by, and it caused a big fight with her or something. But, maybe i shouldn't be worried about that. I should not have to be restricted as to how i interact with my SO. If he were to get angry at me, then maybe we would have to discuss that issue. I did ask him though, if i had stopped by if he would have been upset. He said no.

So, i am wondering now. Instead of waiting for HIM to include me, and invite me specifically to something. Maybe i should go with the assumption that I have a right to be there, and just assume that i am included. I generally hate making an assumption like this, but from my talk with him about it, maybe i am the one who is making this more of a mountain than it needs to be.

Something to think about.