My DH is flying to see his son over Easter by himself. He feels he needs to have a serious talk with him about several things. One being that he needs to get a job and stop being so lazy - (SS's mother bought him a car of course with the stocks that she was supposed to give DH in the divorce and never did so now we look like POS and of course she is the hero) and to really think about what he wants to do with his life. Last August BM set us up for complete failure with our visit with SS (long story basically took SS car shopping the day before he flew out to see us and told him that we would be paying half of the car and she knew we wouldn't be because DH told her absolutely not) anyway both DH and I had a huge talk with SS and both realized at that time that BM has been PASing SS against us even though she is constantly telling DH he better say nothing bad about her because it could damage SS. SS actually sounded like a mini-BM and after that talk I completely disengaged from SS much to my DH's dismay but I told him that after 7 years of going above and beyond that I was done not being appreciated by his son - the kid was almost 17 and should have had some manners.

It was then that SS told us his mother wants him to go to an Ivy league school ($50,000 - $60,000 per year) and that she could not help with college as she was raising him right now (he did not even know that we sent money and did his insurance and much more - DH told him what we do for him - opened the kid's eyes a little) but that DH would foot the bill of course DH has no say in where he goes he is just supposed to be moneybags - this b*tch is so delusional - well DH about had a heart attack because BM was planning on this Ivy League School setting SS up to think he was going and that we were paying - so we told SS how much we could pay per year and that was contingent upon the fact that we still had jobs and that no one was in ill health and that we could afford to give that amount. DH told SS that after we gave him that amount that the rest would be on his shoulders and that while an Ivy League School is wonderful - having hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans would not be.

Now skip to Christmas - Dh, SS and I were at breakfast and we were brainstorming and trying to think of things that SS would be good at in life and what he would enjoy doing - well DH came up with a wonderful career path that actually had SS excited. So now skip to a few weeks ago and SS called me (I have spoken to him 3 times on the phone since last August - I use to talk to him once a week but I don't call anymore and he only called me three time - okay by me) as we were talking I brought up that he needs to get a job and what did he think he may want to do with the rest of his life and how was the suggestion that DH thought up sittting with him - well BM got hold of the fact that DH came up with this career path and told SS no way - you are going to do what I want you to do - which the career she is suggesting he will never have a life or money to do anything - she is all about appearances but does not want to pay for it or work too hard for anything.

So DH is going to see him at Easter and really lay it on the line and give him the complete low down about this whole situation for the last 7 years - I told him to go easy and not alienate SS from him and that he could not say much about BM because SS lives there full time with his mother and so for the next year at least depends on her completely. But DH will do what he wants to do - we also have set it up that he is going to meet an old friend of mine that is in the same profession and DH and SS are going to sit down with him and ask him questions - DH wants him to see how hard he has to work to make it in the real world.

Anyway DH came home the other day and said that a guy from work gave him this article about choosing colleges and it say exactly what we said to SS this past summer - he is going to take a copy for SS to have and to really think about - he said that maybe SS will listen to the Wall Street Journal since he won't listen to us. DH is also going to tell him that if he wants any support from us then DH needs to be included in the whole college process not just the opening of the wallet and paying the bill. This should be an interesting visit and I am so thankful I don't have to be there!!!

Anyway here is the article and I found it very interesting:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/before-you-choose-that-college-2011-03-14