Nice calm night last night
Since we took my SS9's cell phone away we get nightly calls from either his BM or her Mother(Granny). Last night I decided that I didn't want to deal with it for one night and took one of the phones off the hook. I was so proud of myself. No one even noticed. Around 9pm Granny calls my DH's cell phone and I rejected the call. He was in the other room so he didn't notice. I listened to the voicemail and it made me smile. She was bitching about the fact that she had been trying to call for two hours and she just didnt understand....then I just deleted the message. I really had no desire to listen to her bitching.
After we told them (Granny and BM) that they wouldnt see the kids for two weeks they have been contacting my SS nightly and Granny even goes to the school to have lunch with the poor mistreated SS. She has never once had lunch with her granddaughter (mine and my DH's child). I went to the school yesterday to take her name off as someone who could check them out of school and I asked how I could keep her from visiting the school and they told me I had to have some sort of court papers to prevent it. I was pissed! My SS is already overweight as it is and she takes him triple cheeseburgers and LARGE fries for him to eat. It is sick...she is sick...and I am sick of having to deal with this sneaky ass bullshit! She claims I treat him differently than I do my daughter but she failed to say that she favors him over my daughter. If I could get away with it I would punish her...
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"Granny" is the BM's mother
"Granny" is the BM's mother right? If not I apologize. But if she is BM's mother, why would she have anything to do with your daughter?
Well BM has never been in the
Well BM has never been in the picture. When I married my DH my SS was 2 and I soon became pregnant with my daughter. The BM's family was always so sweet to me and told me I was the daughter they never had. We did alot together and both kids would visit them frequently. All that changed in this past year. Now my kids are attached to them and BM is back in the picture. They all hate me now and say I am mean to my SS. I have been the only Mommy he has ever known. I raised him...not BM. Does that help?
I can understand your
I can understand your feelings being hurt about them being two-faced but not about the Granny's interest in your daugther, not to say that there is anything wrong with your feelings, but granny is not really related to your daugther and your ss is truly her grandchild.
I am a stepmom, a bm and a ... gawd I can't say the g-word.... As a sm I can tell you that I love my stepkids and I treat them well, however, I am not their mother, I don't try to be their mother and there is no way I could ever feel about them the way I do about my own. When my stepdaughter lived with me, I treated them all fairly, but I can't sit here and honestly say I "treated" them all the same because I didn't. I doled out punishments the same; I expected the same from them regarding chores; I bought the same amount of birthday presents, christmas presents and bought the same amount of clothes for them for the year, but I still didn't "treat" them the same. There was a natural bond I had with my children that I didn't have with my stepkid. I was alot more loving and emotional with my own and I would hold their hands, rub their backs and let them lay with me and watch tv. I didn't do that with my stepdaughter.
As a g..(mim) I can say that I love my mimkid more than I loved my own kids I think. It is a different kind of relationship. I don't have to parent my mimkid. I just get to love him and spoil him. Of course, I'm in a different financial situation now too than I was when my girls were young so I can afford to do much more with him than I could with my own kids. There is no way in hell that I could imagine feeling like this about someone else's kid. In fact, I have a new mimkid (girl). She is 6 months old. I haven't really gotten to know her enough yet but I know that because my boy mimkid was born first, he lived with me for a while and we are very close, not even she will get the same feelings from me. I will love her and want to spend time with her, but he will always have my heart first.
I don't know if that makes sense to you or not. Just like you, people cannot help the way they feel, and in your case it is even harder because your ss's granny played nicey nice with you all and now has turned into a bitch. I think that if bm wasn't involved in the kids life, the granny thought by befriending you guys, she would be able to maintain that relationship with her grandson, but our children are our children, good, bad or indifferent. Her daughter may be a loser, but she is still her daughter. I'm sure you will be the same with your own.
My daughter and I had a falling out before and the contact with my mimkid was the very first thing she used as a weapon. I gave in several times for the sake of a relationship with my mimkid. Perhaps that is what your ss's granny was doing but in keeping a relationship with you so she could have that relationship with her grandson.
I know my mother still stays on speaking terms with my brother's x even though she hates her guts only so she can still have contact with her grandchildren. I know it sounds awful, but when you don't have any legal grounds to stand on, you find a way to make it work...
Just like stepparents.
It makes sense and I
It makes sense and I appreciate what youve said. My SS was her first grandchild. Thing is..she isnt BM's real Mom. She is her SM. She isnt even blood related to my SS but when his BM left at 11 months old, Granny stepped in and helped my DH with him for a few years. My SS spent just as much time there as he did with his Dad. When I came along it made sense for her to befriend me. She has always been terrified we would take visits away but I always assured her we wouldn't do that. I had a close relationship with my Grandma and visited her every weekend that I could. I know that relationship is important.
Now that she hates me her hatred is spewing into how my SS feels about me along with his evil BM also encouraging this hatred. He acts fine at home with us but while he is there and after he gets home he just pouts and acts all upset. We have him in counseling and hope this will help him sort out his feelings but it worries me that they will influence him in a negative way. He is such a sweet boy and has only known me as Mommy. I am scared I will lose him...
You will never lose him.
You will never lose him. Granny has no rights to your ss, even less so that she isn't even blood related. She sounds like a lunatic to me. In this case, I would suggest that you and your husband sit down with granny and let her know what kind of position she is putting you in and that if the behavior doesn't stop, you will have to curtail her visits with the boy. You and your husband are driving this bus. Take control of the wheel.
Thanks! I appreciate your
Thanks! I appreciate your support! We actually just did the sit down thing with her and she had the BM there too. I think they are going to try and take us to court for the BM to get visitation. I think we need a psych evaluation done on her first. She has never been in his life and now she is saying she isnt going anywhere. She is a meth addict that is fresh out of rehab. I jokingly told my husband that I wanted to put a bag of meth on her car...I wish she would just get out of our lives for good!