Please stop me from stabbing her! Just kidding. Sort of.
My SSs BM has had a disconnect with reality. Of course you can't reason with someone who doesn't understand that living with a drug-dealer is not a safe environment for her children. So we follow our court order so there's no questions. But today...
Nearly 4 years after receiving custody of my 2 SSs their BM is saying the order is "not real." Rewind: 4 years ago she was in jail and we petitioned for temporary custody which she agreed to and signed off on. The order says it's temporary and that it CAN be taken back to court after 4 months. But we never did take it back to court b/c the terms were completely favorable to us. Our lawyer assured us that this order did not have an expiration date (and it doesn't) and would remain valid until the matter was again brought before a judge. We had no reason to go back to court so under the advice of our lawyer, we waited for her to make her move.
Fast forward to today: BM says that the county Magistrate told her that the order expired and is no longer valid and it automatically reverts to 50/50. What the what? I have never heard of this. Our lawyer is good so I believe him but of course it's a Sunday so all I can do is e-mail him and anxiously await what he has to say. In the meantime, can anyone calm me down by confirming that this BM is crazy? If there is no termination date on a temporary custody order, doesn't it stand? My frantic google-ing seems to support our position. Please, comrades, I am developing a stress-related eye twitch. Tell me what I want to hear before I start having a full-body twitch. On a related note - What are your anti-anxiety medication recommendations? This 8+ year ordeal is wearing me down and I'm not much of a drinker. I need some pharmaceutical make-it-all-OK pills.
What do you say to someone who says that a court order is not real? I know, her legal misunderstanding is not my problem, but she makes it my problem when she spends her supervised visitations telling the boys that we are liars and the court order isn't real, etc. If my lawyer is as good as I think he is I'm hoping that he can find a way for me to stab her in the eye with no legal ramifications. A dream is a wish your heart makes la la la la la...
UPDATE: Just got an e-mail from our lawyer essentially saying don't explain anything to her, just demand a drug test, as is our right per the CO, and if she refuses then slap her w/ contempt. If she complies, great - but she's still gonna think the CO is invalid. So what? - let her violate it. He thinks her violating the order and being in contempt will be our best bet. So I suppose that's the route we'll take. Anybody know how much this is gonna cost me?
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Oh Foxie, excellent advice as
Oh Foxie, excellent advice as always. And I would never really stab her. Probably. Just kidding. Kinda. I mean I'd love to but I have faith that karma will take care of this for me. Let karma do the jail time!
((hugs)) You retained an
((hugs)) You retained an attorney so that he could worry for you. I would calm down and listen to his wise counsel. If he told you that there was no "expiration date", then relax. Temporary orders are kind of an oxymoron anyway. Custody is never really permanent.
I always think worst case scenario...Let's say she drags you back into court. You've had custody for 4 years. That's a long time. And courts always look at custody in terms of the best interest of the child..."if it ain't broke, don't fix it". She may get more visitation. But I really doubt a judge is going to award 50/50 to a women who went to jail and is now living with a drug dealer.
One suggestion...Do not discuss this with her (or anyone else) until you talk to your attorney.
Of course, you are right,
Of course, you are right, mom. I just get worked up for a couple hours (I mean, the NERVE of that woman!) and then start to calm down. And I don't want my DH to know how upsetting it is b/c he's shaking he's so pissed. So in front of him I'm all, "Wonderful lawyer will take care of it, it'll be fine." And then I sneak away to vent here about what a delusional hillbilly she is.
My husband's ex is an
My husband's ex is an absolute nut as well. We have custody of the kids. And she would totally try to pull something like that. A very wise attorney once told me that "no amount of legal action will every make someone into a good person". He was speaking about a case we were working on. He had no idea how relevant his statement was to my personal situation.
Um really? I would think the
Um really? I would think the first question that the judge would ask is why didn't you bring this up a long time ago? If the order was temp or 4 months then why didn't the bm come back in 4 months instead of 4 years???? Relax I think the judge and everyone else is going to see right through that one.
Thanks everybody. I'm trying
Thanks everybody. I'm trying to breathe. But I need the names of some good anti-anxiety medications! I've lived 40+ years without needing pharmaceuticals, but this broad is pushing me to an early grave. Is Xanax any good? I'm going to the doctor this week and hoping to get something to take the edge off this stress before I have a heart attack.
Sweet! What is it? What
Sweet! What is it? What does it do? Can I take it on an as-needed basis b/c I don't wanna get locked into some kind of every day anti-depressant kinda thing.
You are a life-saver, Snarky!
You are a life-saver, Snarky! I'll mention it to my Dr.
YEP...Ativan user here too
YEP...Ativan user here too lol. Only as needed, it works great. Milder then xanax.
WARNING...I got used to using it as a sleep aid-and now only use it as sleep aid (haven't taken it for anxiety in years now...well if you count a trip or two to Walmart when I need it).
If you start using them for sleeping you can get dependent. And the withdrawal from it was very bad. I can PM more if you want.
THAT said, it's still one of my best friends
Also-it isn't a daily med...those seemed to really mess me up back when I needed them. If you are consistenly prudent about taking them and only take as needed (like when skids are around) you should be ok.