How do I be a SM and keep myself sane....;)
I found this site out of complete frustration of being a SM. I have a two-yr old of my own and an almost 11 yo SS. J and I have been together for 5 yrs and I just cant seem to bond w that kid. He just annoys me- everything he does just bugs. To be more specific- Ive been asking him for going on a yr now to have his bed made, teeth brushed, and clothes on by 0900 and he just still doesn't do it. I asked him all quarter how he was doing in school and he would always say good. brought home D's and 9 tardies. These things are silly to some extent... but he's just not a very pleasant kid to be around. He doesn't respect others peoples stuff- climed all over my new subaru w muddy snowy boots w no care in the world. Im hard on him and J totally supports me. I make considerably more than J and have done soo much for that kiddo $$$ as well as take him to Hawaii and just about every weekend he is with us... Im just done with the whole idea.....aghhh.... some advice please!!
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Comments
There is sanity to be had- at
There is sanity to be had- at least that's my opinion. Call me an optimist, but I do believe that. I have my ups and downs with my SS but we find things that work. So your guy sounds challenging, but you know a LOT of 10 year old boys are. It's when they start wanting to exert who they are in the world. Boundaries are good for kids, but they never like them. However sometimes I have to ask myself if the boundaries I set and rules I make are necessary. For example, if you only have him on the weekends, does he NEED to be out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and bed made by 9am? I mean, I don't do that on the weekends and never did growing up and I turned out fine.
He might be a tad young for it, but maybe there is compromise in a talk? Will it save your sanity, for example, to loosen the rules. If so choose sanity over a made bed!
My husband was a step kid. He told me about how horrible his SM was. When I met her I was shocked. I really like her. What I think was he was sad/scared/angry about the situation and was a typical pre-teen boy (they are kinda jerks), and so she reacted, and so he recalls her being cold and mean and they cycled. I guess just remember- you'r the adult you have the power and no matter how indifferent, angry, disrespectful he might seem there is probably a scared and hurt kid in there.
Much love and good luck!
if he's visiting you, all you
if he's visiting you, all you can do is endure it and do the "happy" dance when he leaves. that is your solace.
relax on the bed clothes dressed by 9 stuff. its kind of overboard.