Because they hate the ex more than they love their children. And because they lack the emotionally maturity necessary to understand that one person doesn't have to be bad so that another person can be good. Emotionally mature people don't need to undermine the actions of the other parent. They are secure in their ability to parent and in their relationships with their children.

Sadly, it's not just BMs that act this way. There are an awful lot of stepmothers who are guilty of exactly the same behavior. It's simply a matter of self-actualization and emotional maturity. Just my opinion...

Let's see...

BM has a vindictive, nasty, controlling, bitchy personality type that lives to make her ex miserable.

She also can't stand to look bad, which is another reason why she wants to make her ex look bad - it hurts her, so she wants to hurt him.

Since she can't stand to look bad, she needs to look like Mother of the Year.

In a related note, kids are status symbols and make her look good.

However, as we all know, kids are hard work.

Since she is also lazy, she will neglect her kids. But... They're Children of Divorce(TM)!! Their father is a horrible person!! All of their negative personality traits and issues are his fault! It can't be anything she is doing! After all, she is MotY!

Yeah, I'm guessing you see the Crazy, just like I do.

Why?

I'll be reading the comments that you get. I've been asking the same exact thing.

Ours is pissed about not having any control. She is pissed because she demanded that BD has insurance on children and now she is finding out that legally he controls the medical. He can say what doctor and change them. Plus her not liking me doesn't help. She does not realize that her being this way hurts the children more than anything.

I know what your going through. Ever since announcing our marriage the BM has manipulated my SS and put him in a position of having to choose between M or D. My SS did not attend our wedding. BM told us it was his choice but told him it would break her heart if he went. Who does that? Now every holiday is a painful one as this holiday I had to see my SS in tears because his M and D were fighting. We got him for 2 hours this holiday. And we are grateful for what time we did have. I really hope my SS had as good a holiday as he could despite what happened. I hope your SS does not have to be put in these types of positions. I cannot imagine what the future holds for the children of selfish parents.

I also think it is to justify their actions. Many of these BMs cheated, insisted on divorce, etc. So they trash their ex to make themselves look like the good guys who suffered so much! GAG. Our BM did this. I know she trashed DH to his kids. It was hard for him for a while, they acted out a lot and were neglectful of him (they were teens). Irony is, he did everything for them, starting when they were born. Any structure in their life came from him. But she connived with them to undermine him, for example, all 3 started smoking (SS was 14!) and they all lied to "Daddy." BM also trashed DH to everyone in town and his relatives. Totally unnecessary. DH maintained his composure and did the right and (overly) fair thing all through it. She acted like a freak, blaming him for leaving "us" when she pushed him out the door and had a BF. Now everyone sees the "beauty" of BM, the truth shines through. But we went through a lot.

i think we're all guilty of this at one point or another, i know i am sometimes, and it's HARD and damn near impossible, to CONSTANTLY and persistantly always doing what's right and not look for the bitter sweet revenge of getting back we all look for at some point in time }:)