Some Advice on Discipline and Disengaging with a Stepkid
I am so annoyed with how I am getting bent out of shape by the rude behavior of my SD12 – she is a freaking kid – yet when she is around, I am on edge. I know I am the adult and I am usually a pretty happy person. However, I hate that when she is around and in one of her rude moods, she makes me feel bad about myself and the “job” (because let’s face it – this is a nonpaying job) I am doing as a stepmom – I feel like screaming: What am I doing to YOU to make you be such a snarky brat to me?
I know disengaging is suggested highly, but I am having a hard time really doing it. I am having a hard time for 2 reasons:
1. My DH really, really wants me to parent with him as a unified force – he wants us to be on the same page and he fully supports me disciplining his girls (if needed). I am lucky. But still, even with the freedom and encouragement, I still feel hesitant - I am not her momma and I don't want to be...but I guess we would be doing her a disservice if we didn't teach her proper manners.
2.I am worried about how it would affect our home/blended fam relationship. Since she and I are not going anywhere for many years, I wonder if I am doing permanent damage to this relationship by disengaging - so I don't and then I feel guilty ...the the same crap happens and I get my feelers bent out of shape again *sigh
Does anyone have any suggestions on the best way to just not give a crap, get the job done when necessary (to help my DH), while not taking her preteen, I know everything crap – all while keeping sane? I do not want to be a bitty bitch about this stupid stuff, but this kid is driving me nutso. It sucks the everloving life out of me and I know it is because I let it. When she is with us next, my DH wants to sit her down and have a serious talk about toleration and her lack of respect for us in the house. He wants us to tell her that if she doesn’t shape up, we will not allow her privileges and do things special for her. I am not looking forward to this. I will be seen as the reason for the talk……I need a drink. Hell, I need a case of cheap beer. Ha.
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Comments
The BM and I have little
The BM and I have little contact now. She was overly involved in our life in things that did not include her or SD. We had to finally set boundaries. My DH has another daughter with another BM and the two BMs are now BFFs...awesome.
It's good to know other people are going through some of the same things. 
SD is over 2 nights a week and every other weekend.
You all are probably right that it is her age, I don't have any bio kids so this is all new to me, but it just feels good to vent on a site without feeling like a meanie.
Rasberry is so right. I
Rasberry is so right. I wanted to trade my own kids in at that age. Probably should have because 15 was a bitch!
Hi I,know how you feel been
Hi I,know how you feel been there my self its not easy as the birth mother trys to over rule my husband and I, on raising the children who live with us.she walked out 6 years ago and left him to raise 6 kids him self. Now that I,am part of thier lives she trys to make me out to be bad guy yet I,never mistreat the children and treat them as my own. Theres always some one whop trys to control you do,nt let them I,dont and hubby stands beside me on this ok.
I agree with 12 rudness; but
I agree with 12 rudness; but it is diff with Sk - I have a BD11 and a SD13 - and I walk on egg shells when she is around - in my own house; she is a complete bully - now I can tell MY KID - to leave me the hell alone and check her attitute at the door to her room good bye; but not with SD - OH lord no way....
Just try not to let it change the person you are; it is hard; I have become an angry bitter bit* over the past 11 - 12 Years and it sucks; I have had enough
luck to you