Update on SD14 continued drama....
Well after SD's email yesterday to her Dad complaining about my son and an incident on the bus, he sent a reply. My son had had it with her. Apparently for the last month, she has been sitting closer and closer with her friend. She was egging him on. He has never said a word to her since the day she left this house. My son is older than her and has a large group of male friends that congregate at the back of the bus. They have a good time and she wants to be included in that. Well her talking to one of his friends trying to ingratiate herself into his conversation was more than my son could take and he told his friend to "stop talking to the Bitches". He said he said bitches so she could not say he was directing all of it at her.
He was worried that his SD was mad at him. I had a conversation with my DH that in no way was my son to be held accountable. He finally snapped. I told my son that if she tried this stunt again that he could tell her to stay away from his friends. But, no name calling. He was fine with that. DH was as well.
So DH sends an email to his daughter. I told him that my son and I gave him full disclosure on the incident and I expected him to forward me a copy of his response to his daughter. He did and I am okay with it.
He told her that when she left his house that she broke his heart. My son was aware of everything and all the pain that she caused everyone. He saw how she exxagerated the situation and over dramatized her reaction to everything to get her mother to buy into it. He said my son has not forgiven her for it. He has avoided you.
"On the bus you were trying to be friend with his friends. He has tried to keep his distance from you so he doesn't want you to mix with his friends. It would be best if you stay with your friends and he will stay with his. He promises to leave you alone if you stay away from him and his friends"
I am okay with his reply. I think it was well worded and didn't let her try and get my son in trouble. Which so obviously was her goal. And for once he actually called her out on what she did.
I have decided that that is what frustrates me the most about the whole situation is that no one seems to say anything to this child about her behavior. It has cost thousand of dollars and has aged my husband dramatically. I feel like a war victim. I have suffered from PTSD after my husband died and this feels so similar. My reactions are different to everything out of fear. That girl lied to her mom and it has never been addressed.
I am curious what her reply will be. He called her out on her actions. She doesn't have much of a defense. If she is getting to be more like her mother, when he calls them out in an email they just don't reply. BM has never replied to the email two weeks ago telling her to stop trying to medicate their son and quit scheduling him in order to avoid parenting him. He stated that his issues stem from the divorce and that they their parents had to deal with it and not hire others to do their job.
As always when BM is called out on something, she doesn't reply. Until the next time when she wants to something from DH. Or their is some problem with SS. We know she will never admit that she is having any problems with SD after starting this. For me, I just want the case settled.
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^^Agreed^^
^^Agreed^^
Wow! I completely disagree
Wow! I completely disagree with you. She definitley doesn't have any rights to try and get in with his friends. Fortunately for my son, they know what she has done. They have been told and for some of them she managed to say and do the wrong things with them. She was goating BS and she got a reaction. As for cursing as you put it, bus driver didn't hear it. BS made sure of that. He is not dumb.
If you had a clue what this child has done to the entire family, you would understand. Also, he is entitled to have his friends and not have to deal with a Step sister trying to be in his face... Especially one who has caused so much damage...
Keep in mind in an intact family, siblings generally do not hang out with their siblings and their friends...my sister tried in HS and I put a stop to that really quick. We were two years apart. They are only a year apart. They go to large high school. She hangs out with girls that are similar to a group of "Heathers". He hangs out with the kids that are in all the honor classes. Trust me this is a group of guys that she would never deemed worthy of being a friend to her. She only was doing this to irritate my son. She walked out of this house and has had no contact with anyone...apparently it got to her. She wanted him to acknowledge her.
He had every right to do what he did. She is a bitch....Do I think he should have called her that out loud. No and he was admonished for it. But, not punished. She lost the right to "hang" with his friends when she created this mess.
I can see both sides; My BD11
I can see both sides; My BD11 and SD13 ride together - but my BD wants nothing to do with her AT ALL; she has even asked me to move her seat (assigned seats) as far away from her as possible. SD has thrown rocks at her and gets others to laugh at her when she makes fun of her.
You know things like this will happen but it hits home when it comes from your family; daddy does nothing; thinks it just normal... I agree to a point; enough is enough sometimes............ya know
good luck
I think that the OP is trying
I think that the OP is trying more to keep her son out of trouble since her DH seemed to want to villianize her son instead of his own spawn.
I don't think it is as much they are stepping into this situation as she is trying to get her DH to focus his attention on the problem, not the symptoms of the problem.
Thanks!! Glad someone sees
Thanks!! Glad someone sees what I am trying to do. I told DH that same thing. That I will always protect my son. He is a good kid, who has never done anything wrong. I will not let her make him out to be the bad seed here.
Just to understand this last night he was working on his personal essay for his Eagle project and had to talk about his goals and achievements in scouting. This is not a kid who provokes someone. He was pushed and pushed and finally snapped. He was worried that I was mad at him. If he was the troublemaker he wouldn't care what I thought...
I am out of it. Dh has
I am out of it. Dh has handled it. BS has been told to leave her alone. If she does anything again he has the right to call her out on it. But, no name calling. His friends did try to ignore and have even called her and her friends some other names. BS never did. She kept trying and that provoked it. I am out of this. It is a non-issue here until she tries to pull something again. Or BM says something...then all bets are off.
His friends are a great bunch of kids. They have ignored her along with BS. She just kept encrouching her way in...
Did you even read the part
Did you even read the part where she said her son wasn't allowed to curse at SD?????
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The term is "Helicopter mom".
The term is "Helicopter mom". I take the label with pride. It has worked very well for him. He is a straight A student, completing his Eagle Project. Not bad parenting. As for SD, grades are not a priority. She is not in any activities. Her goal is having boyfriends and lots of social life.
Helicopter mom is fine with me. If it gets my son to a good college and on the road to a good life, I did my part. You might not realize his father died when he was 6. I buried another child. He is all I have and I am determined to do right by him.
This is a comparison.
This is a comparison. However, your right it shouldn't be. But, BM and DH started it early on. I was continually attacked for my parenting skills when we got married. Fast forward two years and this is what you get.
As for him standing on his own. He does just fine...He only needs my help when it comes to the dynamics of SD and BM. Also maybe, pointing out the need to clean his room... He is still a kid and does not deserve to be dragged into this. Unfortunately BM and SD have dragged him into this with their behavior.
Don't worry I won't be going to college with him...
I think it's great that you
I think it's great that you are involved. I think that is a huge problem for a lot of kids these days. Parents don't necessarily want to parent. It's hard work! Annd it's hard to NOT compare kids when one just seems to (now, this is a horrible choice of word here) disappoint all the time. I know that most people think that their kid is the greatest, and I don't have any bio kids of my own, but I think it would be difficult to not have comparisons between children when ones attitude and behavior is so entirely different than the other.
I am a helicopter mom as well
I am a helicopter mom as well for DD and when SS lived with us him as well - I am sorry for your losses and congrats on the Eagle Project that is quite an accomplishment and many employers take that very seriously when hiring an individual. Keep up the good work!
Thanks. The project is
Thanks. The project is complete. He built steps and a platform up to a recycling can trailer at our church. However, getting him to finish all the paperwork to go before the Scoutmaster, committee and council has been the real challenge. Parents can not be involved much in the project other than to guide them. However, guiding him without helping him is it's own challenge.
Nice thing about him finishing at 16, is he can just enjoy scouting the last two years...Also, he was told he can't get his license until he has finished the Eagle Process...Great advice that I got from other "Helicopter parents" who's kids are at Annapolis and West Point....Apparently it has worked for some families....glad it is working for yours as well...
I read the first blog about
I read the first blog about this and I think DH's action were appropriate given the circumstances. I also think your actions with your BS in this situation were appropriate. I'm sure more will come from it but letting her know that she's not going to get over on this one was a good first step.
Good luck.
I don't have a problem with
I don't have a problem with your son's reaction to her. But what would probably be more effective is if when she tried this stuff, they just totally ignored her. Even if she tries to butt into their conversation. She'll get the hint eventually. It sounds like her knowing she's able to annoy him, might be reward in itself for this girl. Ignoring her would be the best way to avoid dealing with her and not feeding whatever twisted agenda she has.
When I was in high school, I
When I was in high school, I had 3 step siblings. When I was a senior, my step brother was a jr, my bio brother was a sophomore, and my step sister was a freshman (my other step sister was in elementary school). I COMPLETELY know what the OP is talking about. I didn't mind hanging with my brother, but I wanted NOTHING to do with my steps. I didn't want to drive them to school (mainly cause I smoked and I KNEW they'd tell my mom. lol)I didn't want them hanging with my friends or even trying to hang with my friends. My step siblings created problems where ever they went and they created tons of problems at home, so the last place I wanted to see them was outside of home. It was almost like they tried to be around me and my friends so they could find out info to use against me to mom and step dad. There was always an alterior motive to them "playing nice" and being friendly. I applaud you for telling her to basically find her own friends (and kudos for not punishing your BS for the "bitch" word. I took FSD on a walk last week, and some of the words that came out of little kids mouths while we walked past...geesh! Bitch should be the LEAST of your worries!!)
The op did NOT step in on
The op did NOT step in on what happened on the bus!! Geez people need to read. All she did was tell her son that he can't curse are her and he did get in trouble for that. SD was trying to get him in trouble by emailing her dad what he did!!!! that was her goal so yes mom and dad HAD to get involved on that! good grief what was she supposed to do??
Yes they are teens and need to work things out and that is just what her son did. No he shouldn't curse at her and the op did make that clear to him. I agree with what they did so that sd knows that what she tried to do didn't work. If sd didn't email her dad about it then yes he should have ignored her but she emailed her dad to get him in trouble a true sign that all she wanted was for him to be in trouble and she brought the parents in it.
My son was not to be
My son was not to be accountable for this...I have no problem with that. SD clearly was up to something. He was reprimanded for swearing. But, that is it. I was aware that there had been issues with some of his friends on the bus a month ago. My son had stayed out of it. He shouldn't have reacted this time...Also, in this house I don't punish his kids and he doesn't punish mine. I was telling DH that by my statement...Been here before with SD...
I do not deal with the SK's anymore...he does... No shoe on the other foot...
A few months before we were served by SD and BM, SD told a story about calling the Vice Principal "Bitch" loudly under her breath. VP was sending girls home for having too short shorts. Made them all line up and reach their hands down and if the pants didn't go past their fingers they had to go home...She thought it was really funny that she got away with it. When DH and I reprimanded her for it, she got very angry with us for not finding it funny...Definitely No shoe on other foot...
I think it was handled well
I think it was handled well also. Curious...what did SD do to be the bitch? I mean before all of this? I try to keep everyone straight, but...
SD14 initiated CO
SD14 initiated CO modification. Caused drama in the house, lied to her BM and manipulated her. Lied to DH about a BF for over a year. Called out on it when found out and punished. Rather than take her punishment, she and BM served us with the modification. Now it is all about CS for BM. SD just wanted no rules and to do what she wanted because Dad was too strict. Started when I moved in and went downhill from there. Read a few blogs and you can see what she did. Start with the fight over wearing flip flops in the snow to where I am accused of abuse and the most recent no maternal instinct with my SK's. She even told the lawyers that we said we would kill her dog if she didn't live with us. As I write that dog is laying at my feet as I work. So yes, she is a bitch...I don't like calling any child that, but she wants to be treated like a grown up and with that comes the label...