Sad isn’t it?
My stepkids were older (young teens) and we still had a money problem - but sort of the opposite...

“Mommy had the kitchen redone, she got a handcrafted wooden kitchen with marble countertops and brass/gold/titanium/whatever handles and slate floors and all new pots and it all cost XXXXX amount of money. How much did your kitchen cost? You should get your kitchen like Mommys, she could give you the carpenters name.”

“When Mommy and stepdad take us on holiday to the beach we are going to a 5 star hotel and it’s costing XXXX. Mommy says it’s stupid to rent an apartment like you do, cause then you have to cook and clean for yourself. Why don’t you take us to nice hotels?”

“Mommy says we have to go into the (most expensive) store in the city to get stepdads Christmas present (socks)and they cost XXXX – he won’t wear socks from anywhere else. You should get Daddy’s socks there.”

Of course, stepdad's business has now failed in the downturn and Mommy is totally unqualified for anything so she’s out every evening doing product parties to keep bread on the table – and apparently on the verge of losing the country estate with the handmade kitchen.

Now they are older again, do I think for one minute that the sks get that our choice to live a less extravagant, more sensible lifestyle is why we can afford to house, feed and clothe them now? Not on your life. They still know the price of everything and the value of nothing. I dread their weddings.

I was a very poor single mom for most of my DS's life. BM, on the other hand, was a single mom to TWO with a 5 bedroom house and brand new car! AND only worked PT, if at all.

I guess that's the difference in having a bio-dad who always pays CS and having a BD who ran to avoid CS!

My SS was so excited when his mother got a luxury car - when DH and I needed a new car and we went to the car show - the luxury cars were on the first floor and he told us we could skip that floor and go right to the second floor because we did deserve to get a car as good as BM because then how could we afford to buy him anything. I am not kidding he really said that - we went to the first floor anyway of course and when we got to the type of car his mom had just bought he kept going on and on about how great his mother was and how much she deserved the car and all of sudden my DH just snapped and turned to him and said "Listen we are not going buy a car like this but not because we don't deserve it but because we unlike your mother want to help pay for your college and he better enjoy the car when he is with her because that is where his college education went to." It was the truth and it shut SS right up.

Also another time when I was buying boots for the winter - I was trying on cheap boots because BM was not paying CS and we had hardly any money and he turned to me and said - "My mom only buys Nine West or better" First I was thinking why would a 11 year old boy even know what kind of boots his mom owned and here again I am sacrificing and all he can do is bring up how much money his mom spends on boots. I promptly put them back and went and got a good pair of boots and we did not go out to eat that week (we used to go once a week) or the next because he could not keep his mouth shut - he still comes and visits does a walk around the house and reports back to bm but before calling her he asks me how much something costs - I always tell him unless you are going to buy it for us not your business.

I can't wait for the day that BM does not know all of our business within 2 hours of SS arriving at my home.

OMG! Your post has me rolling on the floor! But it's so close to real that it isn't funny, too! We watched BM take skids on yearly vacations to expensive resorts (we could only afford one family vacation EVER, and NOT to a resort), remodel her entire home (ours is sporting original decor from 3 decades ago), we'd hear about dinners out which happened multiple times a week (we cooked at home), shopping excursions, but then....wait for it...... "Poor mom (BM) is trying to live on a poor (fill in the blank)'s salary"

lol i was laughing at your post! i was thinking, "seriously, a 5 and 7 year old talk like this!?" lol thats cuz my sd is 6 and she can barely describe anything lol, but then i saw your disclaimer

SD14 has learned that all she hears from BM (she of the convertible and $280k house with a pool) is, "We can't afford X!" BM buys SD's clothes at the thrift stores, and sells her books (that WE bought her) to the used book store. Meanwhile we go clothes shopping at the mall (total bought this summer - one pair of winter dress pants marked down 75% and three T-shirts - total spent under $40) and aren't always squawking about being broke.

So now SD comes to us for the expensive presents. This year she wants an iPod Touch. Last year it was a netbook; BM got her an iPod Nano last year.

I suspect I'm getting played...

My oldest ss would try this all the time at first but it was more of "you don;t pay mom any CS and you owe mom so much money that we don;t have to come if we don;t want" Dh put a stop to that real quick and told him that he does pay and showed him proof and that money and visit are separate and if he thinks for on sec. that he doesn;t have to come he is crazy b/c he will come period.He also told him that money is none of their business as they are well taken care of and need or want nothing.

yeah...this sounds so familiar. Sometimes I wish the courts would see how we have to scrape up pennies just to buy the kids new underwear...meanwhile BM is renting a beach house...getting a new kitchen....but she cant buy winter coats? LMAO - When is the court system going to look at the situation from the other side? Half of these women dont want to pay a penny on their kids - they just want to sit back and live off of that free $600 they get a month...must be nice.

This is where I am mean. I would tell bm that no way will i buy anything for the kids that she gets CS and that is what it is for. Plain and simple. We buy a few things for the boys for here and it stays here period!

If you refuse to buy for her house like that she WILL figure out that if she doesn't buy it it won't get bought. The problem is that you guys are all too willing to just fork out the money or buy something instead of standing your ground and tell her no!

One other thing I know what some are going to say that no bm won't buy that stuff and the kids will suffer. I say that will only last a little while or better yet only them things and make sure it stays at your house even if it is a coat! Some times this is the only way to make bm's understand you are NOT their back! Believe the kid will not die it will not last long!

:O Oh this is sad; I remember being younger; I went without a lot. As a mom now I find myself passing on things; even my cell phone - I gave it up; if I notice I am struggling in any way with my kids ANYTHING I give something up without question. I would feel like sh*t if I was walking around all fancy while my kids were in rags.

Our situation is a little different. Granted, BM had to have spent PLENTY of CS on herself. But she also bought the kids designer clothes and had her (rich) family buy only designer stuff. And then she complains about money problems.

Well, that's what happens when you buy a house twice as big as you really need and a new car on top of that!!

THINK a little. It's called a BUDGET - WE have to live within our means, why can't she??