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Disturbing trend?

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:02pm

I have noticed a disturbing trend on this site, from reading other topics and blogs. I myself am also guilty of writing about the same thing. But I just kind of had a DUH moment....

Me, as well as many other people have written about how their SO or DH will do anything to avoid conflict, that they are peace makers, they don't like to argue, etc. BUT not so. They are this way with BM. Yet, they seem to have no problem having argument after argument with us or raising their voice with us, or calling us on our shit. sooooo .... Ugh, I don't know. It's frustrating.In what f'd up line of reasoning does this make sense? Be an angel to your ex and unleash the beast on your SO or DW? I don't get it.

Comments

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:05pm

i have had DH tell me after yelling at me that i don't deserve 90% of the crap i get from him, but i'm here and he needs to get it out.....i have grown used to paying no attention to the man behind the curtain

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:07pm

I agree. It seems like anytime you make any progress something else pulls you to the back again.

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:07pm

Because BM has the Golden Uterus from which popped the second coming of Christ(s)!

(Just channeling my inner Crayon!)

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:08pm

LMAO

dakotamom's picture

Submitted by dakotamom on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:22pm

i thankfully don't have to hear "because she's the mother of my children....it's THE REASON I HAVE CHILDREN"
DH hates bm with a passion. i remember one time i went shopping with him and had to get cooking spray. i picked up PAM, DH grabbed it out of the cart and got the generic....DH says "i will not have that name in my house" HAHA!!!
BM has no golden uterus in my DH's eyes thank god!!!!

j-dog's picture

Submitted by j-dog on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:09pm

Read this: http://www.relationshipresourcecenter.com/html/status.html
(I think this was posted elsewhere on this site earlier today, actually)
Talks about communication/status/patterns of interacting that are established and comfortable between BFs, BMs and their kids. We as SMs our outside those usual, customary, comfortable patterns.
Thus the seeming ability of our DHs to roll over and do whatever to avoid conflict with BM, and yet be horrible to US, their WIFE, who they claim to love!
I'm not explaining real well, I've got a ton of work to complete before 5:00...but please read that article, I'm just SURE it's what's at the heart of the "trend" you're seeing!

Most Evil's picture

Submitted by Most Evil on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 7:18pm

Hey that was very interesting, thank you for sharing - I bookmarked that site to read when I have more time, I am running around like crazy tonight.

But I completely agree, that is the basic 'journey' of a step relationship, successful or no!! thanks

tofurkey's picture

Submitted by tofurkey on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 8:29pm

yes, thanks for posting that url! I as well will have to revisit the site when I have a bit more time to read the whole thing.

Happyhippos242's picture

Submitted by Happyhippos242 on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 2:11pm

I don't get it either. I feel like things have gotten better because FH doesn't bend over backwards as much as he used to for BM. Thats almost come to a stop. But I do feel like he lets her get away with waaaay more than me. Maybe because she is just a waaaay BIGGER BITCH than I am. Choosing his battles? OR maybe since BM makes it obvious she MUST have control of the situation he likes to think he has the control with me? FH doesb't really raise his voice at me very often and he does avoid arguments with me but he is way quicker to start shit with me that he ever would with the ex. so unfair.

zenjetset's picture

Submitted by zenjetset on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 7:07pm

oh i hate, so hate that "blood is thicker than water" crap!!! BioGANG says that all the f'ing time...I never use to mind it until it started being used against FH and I. Then when his daughter (11&6) started saying it...I wanted to puke!!!!

Blood is thicker than water, of course it is...but did you know that blood is 92% water!!!

Damn it! Palsma is about 55% of that...that's what makes it thicker...has nothing to do with family...family is 50%mom/50%DAD.I said this exact same thing (minus the curses) to my stepdaughters and one weekend, sd11 said "hey you were right" we have NOT and i mean NOT heard that freaking saying ever again!!

Off soapbox...not ranting for flaming at you crayon...just don't like the saying anymore...boo for me.

zenjetset's picture

Submitted by zenjetset on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 7:09pm

baaaahaaahaaahaaahaa!!! yep! that's it...I keep thinking the same thing. I guess it's very unsettling to them to know they have created offsprings that are very much like the woman that took them for everyting except their skin...

lmao!!!

halfstepmom2skids's picture

Submitted by halfstepmom2skids on Fri, 10/08/2010 - 8:57pm

BM is not part of our equation because I don't mention her. I have been on that back burner with many situations and have found that avoidance of her existance is my tool to not ever feel second in line to her. She is insignificant.
How funny though earthshaker, that the sd's have the bm's traits. That is so freakin true. In fact, watch your dh's face sometimes when she is acting like her. Mine get a look like he wants to kill her, but he always holds it in. I know he's gonna blow some day. I think his exact words to me were, "I think someday she'll want to be at her mom's all the time except EOW.

Frustrated New Wife's picture

Submitted by Frustrated New Wife on Sat, 10/09/2010 - 10:03pm

My DH does the same thing. Will take all kinds of sh** and name calling from BM, but dare I say anything, he will jump down my throat! We have had many arguments over this. I just don't see how that is fair-at all. He is so afraid that BM won't let him see SS anymore that he just rolls over (or bends over...lol) and takes it!

wriggsy's picture

Submitted by wriggsy on Tue, 10/12/2010 - 11:32am

DH says it's because I'm more mentally stable. He knows that if we have a disagreement, I will not take it out on his children. And...while I hate that he won't stand up to her, it's almost a compliment that he argues with me. Really though, who here has been married and NEVER had an argument with SO? How could there be make-up sex if there weren't disagreements from time to time? (hee hee!)