Okay, I will probably get hazed for this but I agree with you. I don't blame you for wanting some peace and quiet on the weeks you and DH usually have free.

BUT, unfortunately the decision will ultimately be up to DH. Since they are his kids, it will be up to him to decide what he wants to do. Of course as his wife and partner I would let him know your feelings and opinion on the subject, but in the end it will be him who decides if he wants to take your thoughts into consideration.

No, I don't think you are evil. I think you are human!

You are definitely not wrong. I'd change my mind if you had said their dad would be responsible for them in the morning, but since he's not...NO!

I don't think it matters what BM has done to you in the past...you have every right to set your boundaries at your comfort level.

No, you have a right to your routine in the morning, especially if you would be the one stuck dealing with getting them ready and out the door. You need to tell him pronto, before he winds up agreeing to it, to keep the peace between them.

I wouldn't. I mean if it was an occasional morning maybe. But having to go out of your way for them- nope. Not evil or mean IMO. If dh would be the one watching them then ok. You'll have to talk to bf and tell him how you feel. Or have a trial period and set rules. Kids will not be fed breakfast at your house and must arrive already fed and ready for school. They also must be ready to leave at the certain time. Try it for a week or whatever and if it isn't working then sorry. Then again that might open the door to her continuing to leave hem anyway. Yeah, I wouldn't.

Naaahhhh....you don't need to take that responsibility. That's the father's and mother's problem. If you start making their problems YOUR problem, you're gonna end up being eaten alive. I'm sorry to be so negative, but I have found in my experience so far, that being nice and selfless, leaves you bitter and resentful.

Start by saying no, because it's easier! My advice: if you share the bills in that home with your BF, you need to think of your own comfort and how much of it you're willing to negotiate. I would definitely not take the responsibility; that's something mom and dad need to figure out, but you will be impacted, so be ready.

If you let it happen and it bothers you, you can't say anything because you let it happen. If you oppose to it, you may be revered a royal bitch. Pick your poison.

Make sure the BM pays you, every week in advance, what it would cost her to put them in a before-school program. Wah. Honestly, I don't like it when people try to put their responsibility off on someone else. I work, as does DH, so every day my daughter goes to the before- and after-school program. I certainly wouldn't ask/expect ANYONE to take care of her in my stead just so I wouldn't have to pay for her care. You have kids, you take care of them. This is BM's situation to fix, not yours.

i've got to admit, as the actual mother to two boys from a previous *ack* relationship, it is not my husband's or any other living family member in the household's responsibility to take babysitting duties. fastest way to set me off is for their father to drop them off when i am not home. especially when he comes off the court ordered time. all the father has to do is call me if he is dropping off the kids early so i can arrange to be home. worst case scenario, i ASK my husband if he can be there and i'll come home right away.

i wouldn't do it. say no. say no.

i ask my husband from time to time. but if he says no, then i have to work around that. it won't kill me. i just have to think out of the box.

just one issue, klynn, that popped up. maybe husband to be, might want to hint at mom that her not being able to get the kids to school everyday in a timely manner in the school district they are in, might be a change in stability. which is a good change of circumstance. for a change in custody. that'll get her thinking to take care of this on her own. *wink wink*

I agree with the others. my bm has said over and over that I am nothing to the boys and they have a mom and dad and I'm not it. If that had happened to me I'd be regurgitating that back to her.

I am not their parent so why are you expecting me to take on a responsibility of a parent? Don;t do it.

You don't have to do anything for the kids, especially if BM has the resources to have the kids go to a before/after school program.

you and their father did not make the choice for the biological mother to take a job that would interfere with the children's schedule. If the BM chose this job, she should have made provisions to accommodate the children. Otherwise she should have taken a different job.

The innocent children suffer when we make excuses not to be responsible adults.

BTDT, the BM has to work so SD got off the bus at my house for a year. We weren't married and she wanted her to go home where someone was there. Because I work from home, it became me. It was fine, I worked and she and my son did their homework. I insisted on DH getting her if he got off work and take her to his house and BM could pick up there. Now fast forward two years and BM is making my life hell and doesn't recognize that I did her favors all this time. I am done doing things for her. I will no longer let the kids come here sick on her time. Nothing. Be cautious, this will affect your life not your DH's. Just say no. No good deed goes unpunished.

@ Shootingstars"You wouldn't be doing it for the BM. You'd be doing it for the kids. Honestly, if your DH is okay with it, I don't really think you'd be right in saying no."

The SK's would benefit how by spending more time with the evil SM. SM will be the one inconvienced by this favor as I read it the only person benefiting is BM who gets outa paying for childcare. OP states BM has been beyond horrible to her for 3 yrs SM should do favors for her why?

no you would not be wrong!! i would say no and would not feel bad about it in the least! it's your decision since you are the one taking care of them should you choose to agree to it. that's your time. if dh wants to agree to it then he should stay home and take care of them, imo.

I would do it for my skids in a heartbeat if I could. However if I didn't necessarily have a great relationship with the kids, I might not. I do agree this would be for the kids benefit and not BMs, but ultimately of course it is not your responsibility to take care of them!

I'm a big believer in letting go of outcomes.

You know the whole "If I do this, then X, Y, Z might happen..."

When it comes to BM, I don't reward good behavior and I don't punish the bad. She gets no reaction out of me. I don't base any of her past behavior on any decision I make.. hoping that she'll be nicer or showing how she needs to suffer for all the slights against me.

I just float down the proverbial river and don't base anything I do based on the oncoming storm that she is. For I have no control over it.

If you don't want to watch the kids in the morning? Don't.

If you don't mind at all (which you said you really didn't right?)? Then do it.

Me personally? I do exactly what you speak of because that's what I do as a mother... as a stepmother... as a person. It's not a big deal to me and I never expect anything in return because my stepkids' mom is the most entitled, self serving creature you'd ever meet.

I just don't give a shit anymore.

Do whatever you think is right and makes you happy and makes you comfortable... and let go of all that comes from that decision.

Klynn's Quote: "I live w/my SO, my bio son 18 and SD12 & SS9 (they are with us every other week). Their BM has always been off her rocker. She's called me all sorts of names and physically attacked my SO in public. She intimidates me as much as possible. She's called the house several times complaining about me. ETC... ETC... ETC..."

I find it interesting that NOW klynn is an actual person NOW that BM needs assistance? No way. I mean what would BM do if Klynn was not there and Dad had already went to work? She would get child care, that's what. I mean we Steps are certainly here to abuse and then accomodate when something is required all i the name of "for the kids". (dripping w/sarcasm) :O

NO way don't do it! First of all, before school child care will certainly not hurt the kids so don't feel guilty. They may prefer not to go but they will certainly be well cared for and can probably get breakfast there. From my experience, when you do nice things like this it only comes back to bite you! Either BM will start asking more and more of you to convenience her or one day (lets say this job doesn't work out) she will FREAK OUT on you about something horrible you did one morning (her week) and you will be left angry and resentful. Sorry to be a downer but DONT DO IT.

I agree with tofurky. That is a big ol' F that! LOL.

Just say you are uncomfortable being put in that position by someone who has ZERO respect for you.

I dont think youd be evil at all if you said no. If thats what you want then thats what you want and its not wrong. I will say, though, that if you take the kids, document it and then file for temp. custody, you will get it and you might have to deal with bm a lot less. Dunno if thats something youd want at all, but for me id rather have less psycho bm and more skids. just my thoughts.

Given that 1. DH will not be involved in any way in the proposed morning routine with your steps 2. BM has been aggressive and unpleasant and this would increase your exposure to her 3. There are perfectly reasonable morning childcare options at school which BM can afford 4. BM created the situation by moving away from the school and 5. You are not married to DH and have explicitly not adopted the role of step parent, I think you are absolutely justified in saying no. To say yes would lead to a lot of resentment which would be much more damaging to your relationship with your BF and his children.