HELP!!!! Need some reply to BM text
Both fdh and I have been dealing with BM bs relating for a week already regarding to a birthday party the stepdaughters would like to attend. Birthday party is for her niece stepdaughters cousin and very best friend.
In august sd11 said I want to go to this party, I said I'll check to see if it falls on your father's weekend. Well, it does. So, that same weekend we handed bm a small note asking to switch the weekends in September in order to make this work and not create distress with sd11. Sd11 throws fits and gets enraged if she can't attend bm family events. Been there done that with sd11 too many times we wanted to head things off before sd11 could create situation in parking lots when trying to get her in car.
Anyway, bm is not reasonable selfish and basically a f'ing narcissist personality. In reply to our note she said NO can't do it because will interrupt time with my boyfriend. We pushed back a little with it's important to sd11, we feel it's best if we switch. Still replied with a big fat NO!!!!
Now here's the kicker, she texted on Sunday saying this weekend it's niece bday party. We said yes we know! She said it's your weekend. We said yes we know! (I'm giving you the short version of texts) she said well sd11 really wants to go it's important she goes.
We are thinking....No really, duh?!?!
DH: well, when is the party exactly?
BM: I don't know.
DH: well, find out and let know then I will consider.
BM: ok, it's Saturday 3-7 I will pick them up from your house or wherever and drop them off.
DH: bm this is what we were trying to avoid when we asked to switch back in august. Now you are interfering with my time with my girls.
BM: I know but it's important to sd11! I will do whatever it takes they have to be there.
DH.: in order to avoid the back and forth with girls you keep them until after the party. The drop them off after they are done. I will drop off at your house on Sunday as usual.
BM: can't do Friday night stat with me, I have a party I need to go to with bf.
DH: fine I will pick up on Friday after school, you p/u from my house for party, drop off after party around 7pm., then I will drop off on Sunday at sane time as always.
BM. I will pick up at 2pm and drop off at 8pm.
DH: fine
BM: I will pick up wherever just let me know.
DH: all this back and forth on the girls is what I was wanting to avoid!
BM: I know it's hard on them. I agree!
Two days later...bm sends text to me
BM: zen can you pick up girls at party on Saturday? We should split the driving don't you think.
Zen: no, I will not. dh would have not agreed to this if he knew we would be splitting the drive. He is opposed to having the girls going back and firth all weekend.
BM: you are both so selfish and not willing to cooperate. This is why 50/50 will never work!
Zen: have you lost your mind? Really, because we have been more than corporative, this is dh time he doesn't have to agree to do anything you ask especially when we attempt to avoid this same situation!!! Not to mention, his CO says nothing about he having to drive anywhere other than to pick them up on Friday and drop them off in Sunday both to your residence however, you always have the girls somewhere else or want them somewhere else. We have been coorperative. Too much so!!
BM: I have the best bf, he said he will change our departure time to 9pm
Saturday. I will pick them up and drop them off. Ok.
Zen: fine!
Today...I woke up with a strange feeling. Like bm was up to something. I get these odd feeling sometimes about all sort of things.
At 10:21am missed call from bm to me no voice mail. Dh zero!
Tonight...text message from bm
BM:decided to leave for atlanta! sd11 is ok with not going to party! So I wont be picking them up or dropping them off! your invited to party its for adts too, if u decide to take them!
Then just now text message from bm sister...
BMS:I would appreciate it if you would allow the girls to come to their cousins birthday party! It would be very hurtful to birthday girl and the family if dh says no
HELP!!!! We need to reply asap! Quick to the point is best with these folks!!! They are horrible people. My dh had stage4 cancer he almost died. He can't be under stress!!! His immune system has been weakened because of the cancer, radiation and chemo. He would do anything for his girls, but this bm family is too much!!!
- zenjetset's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I am sorry but we have other
I am sorry but we have other plans for the weekend. OR If someone comes to get them, they can go but we are not driving. OR if you really don't want to hurt SD 11, take her and tell BM this is the last time she makes plans on your weekend or it's an automatic no. And DH can explain that to SD in advance. "My time with you is precious, etc. so I am in charge of the plans we make on those weekends."
God, What a cluster. My blood is boiling for you over this manipulation.
Stepaside you are exactly
Stepaside you are exactly right! That's exactly what happened. She only thinks of herself and then calls me and fdh selfish and uncooperative. When both fdh and I are furthest from those types of personalities. Hey, they will think and believe what they shall. I know the truth. I don't need to lie in order to manipulate people. I'm just honest and it's their choice if they want to help.
"BMS:I would appreciate it if
"BMS:I would appreciate it if you would allow the girls to come to their cousins birthday party! It would be very hurtful to birthday girl and the family if dh says no"
Reply: "Perhaps this is a discussion you should be having with your sister as she's the one with the skewed priorities, and put her BF before her children.
I will pass your message to DH, however your sister's parenting, or lack thereof, is not his problem anymore."
- and then let your DH decide what he wants to do, and be there to support his decision, no matter what he decides to do.
I used every single word in
I used every single word in this post. That's jesses girl!!
Reply: "Perhaps this is a
Reply: "Perhaps this is a discussion you should be having with your sister as she's the one with the skewed priorities, and put her BF before her children.
The BMS took this message all wrong. She is so ignorant!!!
Thus is what she wrote as a reply:
BMS:This is not about BM and her boyfriend? She is allowed to have a life,she is a good mom and we do a lot of family stuff together! It is only recent that bmx-husband Has been involved with the girls and has had lack of parenting. He has never done his wed nights,so he is the one to blame for no time.gas and travel time Should never come before the time with his kids!I don't believe bmx-husband and he is jealous of bm! The only ones hurt are the kids here. We all are adults and need To move on! Sometimes parties and things happen on both times!u both are welcome to come and stay! Its hurtful as a mother to think the girls can't come And cutting down my sister is also hurtful, the girls tell me how you talk bad about her? You should be more realistic and less controlling
perhaps! His weekend or not, its family honey, and he should not teach these girls to ignore that, ever? All he does is cause stress on these kids!they tell me a lot!
#######
I'm not going to justify the parts about fdh being lacking in his responsibility it's simply not true. The bm family only gets the part of the story bm spoon feeds them. So, that just ridiculous to give it any attention.
Her reply to my text is so way off base! We aren't jealous of bm and could give a flip what she does with her boyfriend. We live our life and don't worry about anyone else but the girls
The whole comment about family is terrific!!! They dont consider fdh the girls family, only their stupid family matters! If that was the case then give back the CS we will get out of your life quicker than quick!!! Actually, that's not true. We both love these girls so leaving them would be hard on both of us. Not an option.
As far as everything else it's just crazy people with a phone that's texts! lol I have never ever talked bad about bm or anyone. It's just nor my style! With fdh and ST site, yes! I do guilty as accussed!
They live in a very bizarre universe!
If I were you, I would let
If I were you, I would let your DH deal with this and stay out of it in the future. This is stress that you really don't need to take on. Your DH will never fix things or tell his x NO if you keep running interference for him.
Notwithstanding the above, I would simply have DH tell BMS that he will bring the girl there for the party this last time since it would hurt HER to miss it now, but in the future, because it is always such a chore to try to coordinate anything with BM, there will be no more exceptions to the visitation. He should tell her to keep that in mind when she plans future events.
Oh, this is just great! now
Oh, this is just great! now the sister is insulting me, telling me what a horrible person I am.
I replied with "you are hilarious!"
she just replied, sayinhg that I need to get over it and it's "family honey" and you are not family!! hahahaha! dumb fat cow!
that's it not one more text. to eitherone of these stupid bitches.
I have ATT and I pay 5.00 a
I have ATT and I pay 5.00 a month for ATT SmartLimits. I use this to block numbers on SD phone. You can block any number.
If the number is an
If the number is an international number, 411, or a phone number that is less than or greater than the 10 digit number then it won't be blocked.
I assure you, with the way my SD complains about not being able to contact those numbers and those numbers not being allowed to call her,
that it does work. We've used this on several numbers that she was sexting back and forth with.
The AT&T smart limits can be
The AT&T smart limits can be used for any AT&T phone. 5$ a month.
If nothing else, sign up for
If nothing else, sign up for the service. You can always discontinue the service if you are dissatisfied. It really does bother my SD
that I have that much control over her phone. }:)
Yeah I bet he doesn't like
Yeah I bet he doesn't like that control over his phone! lol
yeah, i'm not one to put up
yeah, i'm not one to put up with freaking high school type of texts or people who don't get their way and then lash out at you because you were somehow are here on earth to serve them. I serve my faith, me and my parents...everyone else better stand in line.
I don't owe them JACK and they have no right at all whatsoever to lash out at either one of us (me or dh. We tried everything. I changed my entire schedule for Saturday to accomadate this bm and skids and because I wanted to make dh happy so therefore I am not making money - - I am self employed.
Would you ever insult someone what you don't know? I was just not raised that way.
because they are all under
because they are all under educated and stupid idiots! She keeps texting me and her last text was that my fdh is "still not over xwife and he should grow a sack"
hmmm, I think I am done replying. Because this is now outrageous.
LMAO...this site and a beer,
LMAO...this site and a beer, plus fdh laughing is ass off at my sideward comments about the entire situation (i sometimes can be a stand up comic - you gotta laugh if not it make you crazy) have already help ease the stress.
The sister has my number because her daughter stayed over for a few days this past summer. Yeah and I am the control crazy step mother as she so texted me a bit ago.
I'm very good at
I'm very good at ignoring...they can text and call all they want it doesn't bother me a bit. Once it gets to be stupid and personal attacks I stop.
hahahha!!! just got a
hahahha!!! just got a voicemail from the narcissist (BM) saying that I overstepped my bounds and went against the CO that says we are not to interfere with her and her family. CO does not say anything like that...it says that neither party, or their respective family (spouse, grandparent, etc) is to interfere with schedule parenting time as outlined in the agreement.
She is so stupid. I know her and fdh agreement better than she does. Funniest part is she is threatening me with court now, saying that I broke the agreement that she TOLD US THAT SHE WAS NOT ALLOWING US TO COMMUNCIATE WITH HER SISTER OR FAMILY!!! hahaha! her sister contacted me FIRST!!!
She left a similar voice mail on fdh phone saying that "SHE WAS NOT ALLOWING US TO COMMUNICATE WITH HER FAMILY AND THAT WE VOLILATED THE AGREEMENT"!!! She demand he call her. He is NOT!!
Also, I should point out...she told us in a text before this that she contacted her atty and that she told her that it was fdh weekend and that she was not to interfere. It was up to him if he wanted to let the girls go or not. If he did, he would be responsible for pick up and drop off.
Duh?!?!? FDH is not letting them go to the party. Mainly because he doesn't want to deal with these freaking crazy ass family (mostly all women).
They are all crazy people!!!
They are all crazy people!!! I have stopped texting and to be honest, don't plan texting her again. fdh and I agreed that all the texts from this point foward will be:
bm: I want, blah blah blah
fdh: NO
bm: I need, blah blah blah
fdh: NO
bm: can you blah blah blah
fdh: NO
get the point "no, no, no, no, no until she stops texting, stops calling and sticks to the freakin' agreement that she incorrectly quotes when it's conventient for her.
Dumb c u next tuesday narcissist bitch!
Sorry, I usually get along with her, but with this week and tonight being the first dinner I was cooking in our new house and we have to deal with all this negative crap it has me being the worst person with the worst attitude toward her and her family.
I am just so pissed I can not remember the last time I was this angry.
I am just so upset with how
I am just so upset with how this played out. We knew it!!! We always look like the bad guys. Oh well, it is what it is. I have the whole entire conversation on text with BM someday when SD11 is older I will let her read them then she will realize we tried to do everything we could.
Yeah, I wish we could go away...but we just bought a house and are still in the middle of buying, replacing, enhancing, etc. BUT we didn't both agree, NO CELL PHONES THIS WEEKEND!
They have ruined enough of our night, week and time together. This is the last straw. She can SUCK IT moving forward.
Proud_Arrow!!! I missed your
Proud_Arrow!!! I missed your comments...I have a computer tonight so I am typing away on this issue, but usually as you know I am on an iphone trying to keep up.
OMG is right...I can't believe it. We did all we could. We wanted to swtich for this exact same situation we are in now. BM family has no boundaries, feel they can manipulate and guilt you into a decision. I had enough. We did the whole party thing with another niece and to be honest it was a disaster from the get go. I had the xmil (bio mom mom) calling me asking changing times, running late, changing locations. I was like a chicken with my head cut off - except chickens with their heads cut off usually see an end in sight and usualy fairly quickly too. lol
Anyway...
Then the pickup for the part was a whole other series of calls, hurry up, no wait we are cutting cake, oh pick up her, or we are leaving...it was horrible. DH had to work so I did all the back and forth, etc. I said after that...I am done no more, this is crazy ass shit. These people are nuts. He agreed and it's been ok since then, but bm could have headed this one off, but she is too selfish to change her plans with her boyfriend.
Sad thing is that her sister only knows half if not anything about the FACTS of this matter. She thinks we are concerned with driving and gas!!! how pathetic does she really think we are?
Really, we tried and tried and BM didn't think it was important enough to keep what is between her legs in town enough to take her daughters to her sisters party. Instead, she would like to take what is between her legs out of town with her boyfriend, who is obivously more important then her own flesh and blood. and they live by the "blood is thicker than water" mantry.
SICK just SICK of it all!! Except for me fdh, he is a doll and I love him to dealth. He keeps saying that he is so sorry I have to deal with this. So sorry!!
Poor guy he takes all this to heart!!
Zen- keep track of all of
Zen- keep track of all of these voicemails and texts. And then, the next time, have DH leave a stern message... at this point, all communication is being recorded and kept. We will be ready to revisit this in court, if needed. And have that text sent to the family too.
We had something similar happen to SD over here, with BM harassing SD about going to a party for DH's 15 year old niece instead of going to her BM's sister's 50th birthday night out! Umm yeah, SD went to the party for the girl that was closer to her age, and that she never gets to go to, and that she committed to 1 month ago! SD honored a previous commitment and BM and her family turned it into a big guilt trip on SD, saying that "It's all about family" and that "SD should be there for her aunt" but ignoring that SD was going to a family party - it was just on her dad's side. I blogged about it in January / February this year.
In any event, DH finally got a hold of BM and told her enough. This is going to stop and that her family also needs to stop. Because we are now keeping records for court and her entire family will be held up to look like they could care less about SD with the way they act.
Threaten you with court?? That's a f*ckin' joke!
Good points!
Good points!
If it's "All about family"
If it's "All about family" why is BM in Atlanta with her D!ck of the Month instead of at her poor niece's party?!?!?!
I know!!! It's sad that these
I know!!! It's sad that these people have such a narrow one-sided view of the real world. No wonder none of their "bio dads" are in their kids life! They ran far far away!!! Including their own father ran away from their mom!!! These girls grow up without a father because their mother I bet did the exact same thing that her daughters are doing now!
Both my fdh and I come from a nuclear family. My parents are still together, his mom passed but his dad and mom were intact until she passed. We know the meaning and spirit of family. We both value family time. They use it as a tool to manipulate and torment.