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It's never a dull moment...

zenjetset's picture

I made an important decision last night, after many sleepless hours I decided that I was going to stop all communication with BM. I'm doing this to save my own sanity and re-establish my boundaries. Boundaries which BM in the past has not understood or chooses to ignore. I am re-gaining control of my life, my life with FDH.

I've been good to BM in many many ways. Helping with pick-ups and drop offs, working with her on her schedule, including changing my work schedule to make it all work. However, regardless of what I have done or will do BM always managed to screw it up and I would ultimately get blamed and fustrated. BM would not honor her end of the agreement. Inturn putting me and FDH in the "bad guy" position. When in reality it is BM who is the "bad guy".

In the past several days I have seen BM true colors. BM has really stepped way-over the line for me. The messages these two beautiful little girls have left are coached and riddled with adult influence. So much so, without even listening to one FDH knew just from the words who coached or influenced the child to say what she said. I am NOT and I mean NOT interested in being a party to BM and biogang games. These are small children for Christ sake!!!

With that being my final straw I texted BM this morning...

Zen: Any further contact and communication via text and phone by you or any member of your family with me will be considered harassment and shall be treated as such from the date and time of this text. Please stop contacting me.

BM: Agreed! I will remove your number from SD11 phone as well!

Zen: It does not include the kids!!! [I really wanted to say: you stupid dumb f'ing bitch, it's meant for the harassing adults NOT the innocent children! You f'g cunt!] but I refrained.

BM: i just dont know where they stand! They love you guys! This really is sad!

Zen: Stop texting me! I only texted you back to insure you understood the kids were not included.

BM: I said i agree! i understand!

I wanted to reply so badly with a phone call that would have given her a un-zen like response, but again I refrained.

"I just don't know where they stand! They love you guys! This is really sad!!"
Let's break it down...
"I just don't know where they stand" - well exactly where you put them in the middle with your stupid games and manipulation. With your parental alienation and entire family interfering you have harmed them beyond any sane persons comprehension!

"they love you guys!" - yes we know that, but that doesn't seem to be enough for you to stop yourself from manipulating them into thinking we don't want to see them! When you were the one preventing visitation from happening! Next time you should think of how much they love us and maybe that will remind you to act like a sane person rather than what you really are which is a controlling manipulating narcissit!!!

"this is really sad!" - yeah, well deal with it. You made your bed now lay in it!!! You had it all you dumb f'ing cunt!!! You had me a person who was willing to whatever it took to make everyone happy! NO MORE! I'm making my fdh happy and that's it (his girls too when we have them no more extra mile bs). You had an xh that was also willing and open to doing whatever it took! NO MORE! You have burnt his ass more than once and he is DONE!!! You will hear from him via his atty ONLY!

Yes its very very sad that you have to be who you are!! You have no shame, no honor and not a good kind bone in your body and the blood in your veins is cold! As far as I'm concerned you don't exist in my life anymore!

So, this is the first morning in over a week for sure possibly more that I can honestly say I feel good. FDH and I met with an atty and we will be pursuing BM for contempt, modification of CS, change in parenting schedule, and slapping her family with harassment charges next time the contact FDH. I'm gather all the info now and we will be moving forward not in a circle room that BM built for two!!!

Comments

zenjetset's picture

Thank you Crazy! I feel good about the decision. Yes, this past week and even all the crap before then has proven to me that BM is one-sided and not interested in what's best for anyone except herself.

Under normal circumstances I don't deal well with people like that. So, it came down to realizing why should BM be the exception to the rule? The light bulb above my head went on and it was an ah-ha! moment. I made her the exception because she is BM. If she was my friend and treated me like that I can tell you she would not be my friend for very long. So why was I not holding her to the same standards as i do my friends? Why was i clinging on to BM and allowing her to treat me like that? For the best interest of the girls?! No, no, no I was actually doing them and FDH a disservice.

It is in NO ONES BEST INTEREST!!! It is when it all stops and me and FDH have that power!

Sometimes it takes me longer than others to get there but I do. ***hugs***

caregiver1127's picture

I always say that I have no one in my life like our BM and I never would. I would never have a friend that is that self-absorbed, selfish, spiteful, immature, materialistic, narcissistic, self-involved and downright a slut who only goes out with married men. So sometimes I am very angry that I have to deal with this type of asshole in my life because of the love I have for my DH - so I too have stepped away and am letting him deal with all of the BS.

The sense of relief you will feel in the coming weeks will be palpable - and I have actually had my friends tell me I look less stressed and younger than I have in years. It pisses me off that these women stress us to the point of looking frazzled and since they can be crazy and nothing bothers them because they don't have a conscience they look stress free and young! I decided to take back the control I have over myself because that is all you can control - just your reaction to a situation not the situation.

zenjetset's picture

I agree with you completely. I hope to start feeling and looking less stressed out. It has definately taken a toll on my nerves. My stomach aches all the time! Nerves, stress and lately no appetite due to BM and biogang. I am sure I will slowly regain my calm level headedness once again. Instead of reacting to her random nothingness!

zenjetset's picture

Yes, there's already wording in there for that but apparently not specific enough for BM and biogang!! They seem to believe the agreement does not apply to them, just us!

One slight issue though, when I told FDH I had sent the text he was happy and said good for you honey. But when I told him if she texted me again I was going to get in my car and drive to the court house and file the retraining order he started laughing. I asked him why you laughing he said "you really aren't going to do that?" I said yes!!! He said, "you should think about it first."

Ok, someone explain... what is the point of writing that text, him agreeing it was best and then NOT following through?

Urgh!!! He is just toooooo freakin nice!!! Bugs me to pieces!

zenjetset's picture

Oh yeah! Didn't think of it that way. I will have to weigh the impact on FDH and girls. I hope she will get the point and I won't have to do anything, but I never know with her and her narcissit rage!

Thank proud arrow! You are always on top of things!

prayerhelps's picture

You know, I think this is great, but I think texting it is not necessarily a way to make BM to believe it. Texting has become so casual, and it is almost easier to just not accept texts from certain numbers anyway. I would follow with an email, which I KNOW can be used in a court of law if it came down to things, and you can even clarify that BM, BM family not to contact you, but the Skids can. I know I would take it a lot more seriously if it was an email or even a snail mail, versus a text.

Of course, I do HATE TEXTING--I don't have it on my phone and my kids don't have on theirs, as it breaks down all real communication and is so dangerous when you have teen drivers.

zenjetset's picture

Good point!

I'm not fan if texting either, but she sure loves it. lol We haven't done the email address exchange because we feel it just opens another mode of communication in which BM will use to send more attacks and harassing messages.

Lately we have been considering it and telling the atty that's the only way (unless emergency) she can contact FDH. I opened a new gmail account already. FDH will be discussing it tonight with atty.