I don't know why this bugs me SO much
I've been around this site for awhile, just haven't done a blog. Compared to many of you I don't have much trouble at all -- stepkids are out of the house. We've had big drama, which is what led me to Steptalk, but that's another story.
So DH and I were meeting for lunch today. As soon as I see him he gets a call on his cell phone from SS24. Takes the call as we're walking in the general direction of several restaurants. DH does acknowledge my presence but keeps talking to SS for probably 10 minutes. There was no particular issue with SS, just a friendly chat. DH does this frequently--takes calls from his kids no matter what we're doing. He gets off the phone with SS and says to me "I couldn't turn him away." Well why not? Because he'd rather be rude to me than to ask his son if he could talk to him later?
I'm glad he has a good relationship with his kids. But each kid usually calls at least once a day. I think that's weird, but that's just my upbringing and I don't CARE about that. What I DO care about is what I perceive as rudeness.
Do you think this is rude, or am I making a big deal out of nothing? It seems like nothing when I try to be logical about it but damn it makes me mad.
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it is rude! how often do you
it is rude! how often do you & dh get to do lunch during the week?
and he can't return the call later?? and they all call everyday?
Yes.. that is very rude.
Yes.. that is very rude.
Winehead - I'm sorry but I
Winehead - I'm sorry but I disagree. He wasn't being rude. You and DH live together. You were about to go have lunch with him. 10 minutes out of all of your time with DH on this day shouldn't be an inconvenience or shouldn't have to be apologized for.
Look, there are much bigger, better things to be pissed off and fight about. It was 10 minutes out of what - the hour that you and DH got to spend at lunch? And what about the hours you get at night?
If I was going to lunch with DH and we saw each other every single night and a girlfriend, or my mom, or my sister called, and talked to me for 10 minutes, I would take the call. And I'm sure that my husband would be okay because he is secure in my love for him.
Now... if you guys were in bed - doin' it!! - and he took the call,.... Hmmm well, now... that's a different story!!
Please don't be angry. He got off the phone and apologized. Please take that for what it should be worth...
Stick, right, that's my
Stick, right, that's my dilemma. This isn't an earth shattering problem and I didn't make an issue out of it with DH because I thought maybe I was just being silly and selfish. But I really felt that lunch time was with me and he could call SS back.
And yes he HAS taken calls from his kids when we're in bed... He trips all over himself to answer these calls whenever and wherever. I think the calls are really a symptom, not the main problem. He still can't say no to them. And THAT's what bugs me. Wow, just talking through this helps a lot.
i don't think she was angry
i don't think she was angry or picked a fight, stick. i just thought maybe they rarely get to do lunches together and why couldn't dh call skid back since he speaks with them everyday and it was no emergency..
Hey Starfish! I'm not
Hey Starfish! I'm not sure.. I read it as "this really bothers me" and then the follow up question of "is this rude?" ... meaning I'm annoyed by this, am I in the right or overreacting? And when enough people say "yeah, I think it's rude too"... the next thing you know ... Poster COULD be tempted to go back and say to DH this time or possibly the next - HEY THAT'S RUDE! BE WITH ME AND TAKE THE CALL LATER!!
And that is how the fight starts.
I just wanted to give another side. Every day we have multiple options to draw lines in the sand. I really believe that it wasn't a big enough offense to warrant another thought. There are bigger and better things to let get under your skin!
For all we know - it wasn't an emergency - but maybe it was the only time that SS could call DH that day. Maybe he had plans, and wanted to touch base with his dad while he could. I think the fact that the husband apologized speaks volumes.
I totally get what you're
I totally get what you're saying Stick, but we don't know all the extenuating circumstances here.
If it's a situation where they can get together often and the phone calls during lunch don't happen often, then I wouldn't be too upset about it.
If getting together for lunch is something that does not happen often, I could see getting a little peeved about it.
I can honestly tell you, when I was working and DH would come out to have lunch with me there were more than a few times that he'd take calls and it would piss me off to no end! I had one hour max for lunch... he'd pick me up and we'd go somewhere for lunch, he'd get a call, take it, need more time to order, and then when we finally got around to actually having lunch he'd get butt hurt because I was now grumpy and having to rush to eat to get back to work instead of actually talking to him and "enjoying my time with him". Whatever....
I finally told him that I'd have lunch with him again when he decided that it would be just he and I at lunch; not him, me, his phone and whoever decided to call, text or IM him for whatever reason. He got the point. So, long story short, I can understand both sides of this.
Thanks B... there are 2 sides
Thanks B... there are 2 sides and if it interfered in their actual lunch, I could see how that could take up time. But it was while walking. DH and I always take calls when we are with each other, OR we don't pick up the phone at all. Maybe that's a better thing to do than just asking to call someone back. Let it go to VM and call them back when they are done. And maybe that's all that needs to be said.
how are you so GREAT!!!? i
how are you so GREAT!!!?
i didn't even take the time to see it that way..... you do have a wonderful way of looking at things!
Hugs girl... I can always
Hugs girl... I can always count on you to understand where I am coming from!
You rock!
stick, SA has a very valid
stick, SA has a very valid point:
"Put it this way. If the DH was out to lunch with his son, would he have taken a 10 min. call from his wife? I know my DH would talk briefly but ask me if he could call me back because he was with them. 1st vs. 2nd, that's how it comes across."
i know if i called dh and he said he was out to lunch with mil, ss, sd, i would be on autopilot and tell him to call me when he had a second..
and
"But I think many of us are very accustomed to this mentality that our DH's will jump at their children's command. "
SA is dead on again....
gosh, i'm so confused... but, stick, i always appreciate your perspective, b/c it always comes from the right place!! ((HUGS)) back at ya!!
what i do know is skids are gone tomorrow AM!!!!!! i need to find a 6 day salute. wahoo for me
Starfish - I don't think it's
Starfish - I don't think it's a right or wrong. Do I think that many women look at it as a "me or them" or "1st or 2nd" ... YES.
Do I believe that it has to be that way... No. I don't. And I personally believe that that is part of the issue for a lot of women - and let me clarify that I am NOT referring to StepAside here - but I do believe it is an issue that many women on here bring on themselves.
If I'm with DH and his daughter calls - can I say that I don't always get annoyed? No... sometimes, it does annoy me. Like when SD lives with DH and I and goes to her mom's and calls us crying? And our one night alone is completely ruined and put aside because yet again BM failed to show any empathy or caring toward her child? The LAST NIGHT that SD stayed with her mom overnight over 1 year ago? Yeah, I was annoyed.
But you know what? I'm in this for the long haul with my husband. So I try to keep that in the back of my mind.
And I would turn it around. Say DH was out with SD and I called. I would expect him to talk to me. If he asked to call me back, it would depend on what I was doing then and later. So I guess I just look at it like... he called his dad. When he could. The dad took the call. No harm was done. No one died. No one didn't get their lunch. No one was called away for some dumb reason. IF MY SD EVER GAVE MY DH A HARD TIME BECAUSE HE TOOK 10 MINUTES TO TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE I WOULD TELL HER TO GET THE HELL OVER HERSELF AND GET USED TO IT. (not shouting, making a point.) And likewise, if I gave DH a hard time when we were out because SD talked to him for 10 minutes, he'd tell me to get over myself. If I took a call from my side of the family and he couldn't handle a few minutes, I'd be like... GEEEZ!!
I think this may be right for whomever, but to me, it is does not work. And to encourage this kind of us / them , 1st / 2nd when there are real issues and "wars" to be fought over and won, does not help any of us.
Also - this is the kind of sh*t that when people are dying, or their SO is dying, and they think of all of the stupid, petty, arguments that they fight - I'm talking little things that really DO NOT MATTER - this is the kind of argument that people regret when it's all too late.
My husband is traveling and I saw him for the first time this weekend since July 5th. With SD living with me alone.
He got home this weekend, and not only did I get bronchitis, while I have asthma, but I got my damn period too!! Welcome home honey!! Our entire weekend was me hacking up a lung and the two of us watching movies with SD. I was too sick for anything - I was having a hard time breathing. DH said something, and I took it the wrong way and argued with him. He refused to say he was sorry because he said he didn't mean it the way I took it. We went to bed separate and angry and he was only here for 3 whole days. The next day we were still hurting but trying to get over it because we didn't want to ruin our time. So I said... "The worst part about this is that you are HOME." I meant that he was home when I was sick and had my period. But I know how it came out and how it hurt him. Our argument was over. He said something stupid and so did I. I still feel bad about what he said, but I know I am feeling upset because of the circumstance and not as much what is the reality.
I think that if anyone wants to think this is rude and let it get to them and let it drive a subtle wedge in their marriage... go for it. Just remember when you regret it later. And I KNOW that many women on here, as right as they feel they are about most things, still have some stuff they regret making bigger than they should have...
How about just let it go to VM?
PS Starfish - I forgot your
PS Starfish - I forgot your most important point!! 6 days with just DH!!! yayaya!! I'm envious! I'd toast you with a margarita, but I am still really feeling like crap... so I will toast you with some Nyquil and Robitussin during the day! Wooo hoooo!!!
K Ladies - I have GOT TO ASK
K Ladies - I have GOT TO ASK THIS QUESTION!!
All of you who say this is rude... Are you saying that you have NEVER ever, when you were with someone else - your mom, your husband, someone IMPORTANT TO YOU, that you have NEVER taken a 10 minute call, and then just got off and said "Sorry about that.." and went on with your life, and so did the other people? Really?
Not a work call, not a girlfriend trying to firm up plans, not your own kid trying to get you for a few minutes on some question that is important to them at the moment, but really not a big life deal, but you take it? For a few minutes? Because the person you are with is not offended and okay with not being the center of your world for those 10 minutes?
If you can honestly say that you have never ever done this to your husband, then kudos. But I think everyone does it.
I guess that's my point
I guess that's my point Dabevans. You did it, and you agree that it's rude, but for whatever reason, you took the call. How would you have felt if you apologized and the person you interrupted said in an accusatory or angry or pissed off tone - "That's rude!" You'd be pissed off then, wouldn't you? Because they didn't give you a minute?
How would you feel if you did it to your husband, apologized to him, and then later, because others told him it was rude , he picked a fight with you about it?
I'm not saying that's what the Poster will do. I really don't think she will. I'm just saying it's a possibility. So I didn't just give the " Yeah go ahead and be angry" answer. That's all that I was saying, and asking about.
Yes Stick, I've done that.
Yes Stick, I've done that. My DH has done that. My girlfriends have done that. What's 10 minutes out of my entire day really? Geez. DH and I would never ignore a call from skids or my DS. I don't care what we're in the middle of we will always take their calls. Sometimes we might ask to call them back but sometimes we chat for a few minutes. In the big picture of life this is totally a no big deal thing to me.
Well that's just one of those
Well that's just one of those whatever works for you kind of thing I suppose. In my case, all of my friends have children too and I would never think it rude if my best friend stopped me mid-sentence to answer her phone if one of her children were calling. She would never think it rude of me either. DH and I tend to always put our children first but that's what works for us.
Right now my DS is a freshman at college and has been gone for 3 1/2 weeks. In 18 years this is the longest I have ever been away from him so rest assured I don't give a shit if the president is speaking to me, I'm answering the phone if my DS calls!
I'm not sure why, but I've
I'm not sure why, but I've always been of the opinion that the person who is WITH YOU is more important than the person who is CALLING.
That is a pet peeve of mine when going to businesses - when they make you wait because they are taking a phone call (that came in after you got there) and instead of putting them on hold or taking a message, they deal with the caller's issue first!
I agree when you have an
I agree when you have an appointment with someone you are asking them to make a time commitment too. It is entirely inappropriate to take phone calls and allow other disruptions as it is disrepectful to the other person.