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guy language.......

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 8:32am

So yesterday my BF of one year indicates he wants to converse later about our housing situation. By the time we actually get time together it is 11pm. I asked him if I was a "pass the time" girl his reply was "i dont want to answer that because you are too sensitive" I asked him to tell me because I need to know if I want to continue to put up with exWackjobs crap and Skids crap cause its not worth it to me to go thru all this garbage if I am just a for the moment girlfriend. His reply was "yes you are, sometime between tonite and forever" WTH does that mean, was he being sweet or a s#!t????

Comments

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 8:51am

maybe he takes it day to day in this relationship, and he's not sure whats going to happen between now & forever?
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thats kinda what he said later was that he just gets by one day at a time...

But I kinda think if he felt the same as I do, he would be saying it and not being vague about it........ I just dont understand thier language......

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 8:57am

The whole conversation was his idea. He initiated it. Almost like he was trying to get me to say what I wanted first and then he would chime in....
THe whole "pass the time girl" came from a conversation we had earlier about a friend of ours who just broke up with his gf of 3 years cuz he found"the one" So I was blunt and asked if he thot of me as a "pass the time girl" ...... I asked and really wanted an answer.
My BF is a talker, so I am sure this will come up again....... prolly tonite.....

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:36am

If he wants to do the next step, but not the forever step (move in together, but not get married) then you need to see how YOU feel about that. Kinda sounds like it's where this is going to me....
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I thought that at first too, but then it seems he just keeps waiting to see what I am gonna do about my house.... He refuses to give me advise on what to do, Like he doesnt want to be responsible for a bad choice I make and, Advice is just that, Advice. The ultimate decision is mine and I am responsible for my choices.

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:00am

I really dunno........ I am way into him , I love him and feel that if his ex would knock of the crazy stuff we could have a good life with the kids, , , But I am in no hurry to move in together. But I would like to at some point. So I just kinda wanted to know if I was wasting my time or If I should just live in the moment and not concern my self with the future.....

skylarksms's picture

Submitted by skylarksms on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:13am

One bad thing (to me, anyway) I have noticed between DH and I is that BM drama tends to pull us together. Us against BM. I worry if our relationship will be as strong once skids are over 18 and BM is less of a factor in our lives.

I do know that I did what was said on another post: felt sorry for DH and rushed in to be the savior for him and skids. *sigh*

Just make sure you don't confuse your need to help or right an injustice with love.

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:38am

I notice that with us too, BF even said once, "what are we gonna have to talk about when she finally stops?"

but he knows as well as I do that we have lots in common. We stay up at nite talking late about goofy stuff .

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:28am

Not harsh at all, Honest and blunt, both qualities I admire. And you are right, I should know the answer by now....

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:26am

If the ex is crazy now, chances are she will still be in the future, so I wouldn't look for the "good life with the kids" minus crazy. I think you're smart to take your time moving in if the situation doesn't suit you at this point.

I think your question was phrased in a way that would make anyone feel defensive. Maybe you could just ask, "Do you see me in your life 10 years from now?".

You need to be the one to decide if you're wasting your time or if you want to just live in the moment & not worry about the future. I personally don't recommend living in the moment in such a situation because so many women live day-to-day thinking one day things will change. Unless people make the effort to make a situation change, it won't, & they end up miserable looking back over the years feeling like they've wasted them.

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:30am

Maybe you could just ask, "Do you see me in your life 10 years from now?".
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Good one, I will try that.

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:41am

Noted Smile I did suggest to him last nite that we just leave things the way they are and revisit this conversation in 6 months.......
He really didnt have anything to say to that.

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 9:53am

LOL
actually he is kinda nerdy,
I am the one with the Harley Wink
But he does have a Suzuki he will tool around on with me sometimes

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 12:07pm

I have been told I read into things alot. I think I wonder because of me, not him, but I think you are right, when asked a question regarding matters of the heart, a heart felt answer be it yes or no is deserved.........

burnet's picture

Submitted by burnet on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 11:46am

Jeeze, I'm a guy and I don't even understand what he is saying. I would ask for some clarification...

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 1:24pm

His divorce was recently final but it took over a year and a half. But I can see what you are saying. He apparently takes longer to "shake it off" than some. My ex moved from our home into his GF's home, We havent quite been together for a year, just under a year actually. I am definitely likeing the give it 6 months deal......

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 1:33pm

Ok so I looked at your blogs-from the timeline-you guys have been together just 11 months.
You guys got together only 4 months after his legal seperation (divorce wasn't even final!), and he had a couple gfriends in between.

Also-hearing about what a nutcase his ex is I guarantee you this guy will be absolutely cautios about moving forward in any relationship-even if you are the 'dream girl'. He's been with a very crazy woman-his views are skewed and it will take him some time to recover. This is what happens when people rush to get in serious relationships recently after divorce or breakups.

It makes TOTAL sense he's cautious, taking it slow, going day by day and isn't sure about commitment to you. I absolutely think you need to go w/your guy on the 6 month-honestly i don't know if he'll be even ready then.

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Wed, 09/01/2010 - 7:43am

oh I agree with all you said. He is the one that wanted to have the living arrangement conversation. My answer to him was "lets revisit that conversation in 6 months"

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 12:36pm

I think if he's recently divorced-and you guys have been dating a year he may not be emotionally ready to make that determination right now about you.

Doesn't mean he is in the wrong for feeling that way-or that you are. But its' reality in most cases-especially after a divorce.

Some people are a lot more cautious with matters of the heart-some don't know exactly where things are leading and want to take it day by day-no expectations, pressures, demands of comittment. I don't think it's wrong that he seems indecisive-if he doesn't know-he doesn't. Doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings for you or loves you-he's just not ready. And that's ok!

A year really isn't a very long time-as women we do tend to always jump the gun abotu the next step...we tend to wine, demand, question, and put them on the spot about committing to us because WE feel ready for it-but it's not fair nor is it always that way with guys-every guy is different.

Just because some guys you hear about announce their love/comittment 6 months in doesn't mean all people are like this. Also doesn't mean all women can emotionally commit after 6months, a year, etc.

We tend to press for the next step-want to accelerate things-when we need to sit back, relax, enjoy what you have at the moment, LIVE in the moment-embrace and love what you do have.

Many times it's when we stop worrying about it-questioning or asking clarifications that things naturally develop/unfold. sometimes w/out a WORD being said.-you just know.
I know he brought it up-but sounds like you may not like his answer-which IMO is-he doesn't know yet if you are the "in the moment" gal or not. I agree with the "give it 6 months and revisit" option Smile

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Tue, 08/31/2010 - 1:35pm

Oh I know! And if I didnt have these home issues pressing me right now, I prolly would not even be thinking in that direction. Which I guess answers that question huh? I am perfectly ok with leaving things as they are for now, I just want to know I guess that it is going to move forward and that he isnt thinking of me as a "pass the time" girl cuz I dont think of him that way.... I can see us together in the future....

onebright1's picture

Submitted by onebright1 on Wed, 09/01/2010 - 7:40am

Yeah, it didnt come up last nite and since he is the one who wanted to converse in the first place, I will let him bring it up if he wants to again. I know he loves me and he is confused with all Wackjobs garbage right now. He tells me I am the best thing ever and He says everything else that lets me know how he feels about me , he is just cautious with the forever word. Which is understandable considering......I am thinking I will just let it be. And go on with my life as normal.