I am seething right now. Loghead knows I have been aching to spend time with him- to go out and DO something, and his dad calls, so he just takes off for the afternoon. I'm at home once again, just me and Gibby. Now, I love my son, but Gibby and I have spent EVERY DAY together since school got out in May. Loghead was supposed to spend the afternoon with Gibby, and now he's gone. "Oh, we'll do something tonight," he said on his way out the door.

Like, hell! I thought we were going out tonight!

So we had several blowups in January and February. Two actually made me pack my bags. We had a LONG talk in late February,, and I laid down some new rules. One of them was that we HAD to go out once a month and do something just the two of us. Seriously, it's like clock work. After 4 weeks, if we haven't had "us" time, I can feel the anger just mount and build. Every little think begins to piss me off.

Loghead lost his job in DEcembeber, and I have basically been supporting the family. There has been little "fun money" and I have emphasized many times that our dates don't have to cost money- as long as we leave the house together for an extended period of time, just the two of us- anywhere but the grocery store.

And this has gone pretty well. Things got crazy in May because of Mother's Day and my SDs graduation- family outings like the Mother's Day breakfast don't count as a date. It has to be just me and Loghead... Then school's out and summer begins. Loghead is spending more time at his temporary job, a construction job 3 hours away. he takes his 2 boys when he can. I spend a lot of time at my parents' vacation home, so Gibby and I can swim during the day. My SD, Princess, comes over to the vacation home when she gets off work, since it's either 30 minutes to the vacation home or 30 minutes back to our home. We've always had weird summer schedules. We're educators, and he works summer jobs and I take care of the house and the skids and our son.

But now June has passed, and it's already July 10. I haven't had a date with my husband since the first weekend in May. It's starting to drive me insane. So I left my family reunion a day early this week, to come home and be with Loghead. He changed his schedule at his temp job so we would both be home at the same time. And he takes of his to help his sister with stuff. Then the next day he takes off to go set up his new classroom at his new job that starts in August. he was gone that whole day and didn't even call. The whole time, I'm expecting him home around 5 and he doesn't get home till 9.

Yesterday, he left to go grocery shopping and was gone over 3 hours. Pretty usual- we live in the middle of frickin' nowhere. By the time he came home, I was exhausted from all the mom chores of the day and the run in we'd had with the bio-mom yesterday morning. I settled in with a book, and took a two hour nap. I wake up and he's on the comptuer. Gibby and I do some school work and a few more chores, and Loghead is still on the computer. I hint "Are we going out?" and he's all, "we're spending the day together... Isn't that enough?"

being in the same house all day does not equal spending time together.

Later, I ask again if we can go for a nice dinner, and he says yes. I go take a shower and get all ready to go out. I get out of the shower and smell him cooking. I peak in the kitchen and he's making dinner. "See, we'll have a nice dinner here. "

Incredible! I don't say anything. It's not even a meal I like, in fact it had shrimp and crabmeat, which I hate. But I don't say anything. He, Gibby and one of the skids and I sit down to eat. The minute we're done, he tells Lazy Boye they gotta go work on the car engine in the garage and take off, leaving me and Gibby to clean up. And I swear, he dirtied every big pan in the house.

Later he comes in and goes back to work on the computer. I'm in the living room watching tv with Gibby and Lazy Boye and reading. "Isn't this nice? We're spending time together," he says.

Utterly clueless. At bedtime, I ask him if we will go out tomorrow and he says we can make a plan in the morning. So I get up this morning, put myself together, and as I'm getting ready to go talk to him about today, and suggest something he can do with the boys this morning, and talk about our plan for tonight, his dad calls and needs him to come over and help on the farm.

So I ask him if he had any intention of doing anything with me today. "I spent all day with you yesterday," he said. I told him being in the same house while I'm cleaning and reading and he's on the computer does not count as spending the day together. He's like, "You and Gibby go do something fun today, I'll be home later." GIBBY AND I DO STUFF TOGETHER EVERY DAY!!! I love my son, but I am tired of hanging out with an 8 year old! So I ask Loghead to give us money for a movie, and he doesn't have any. His boss won't pay him till Monday, and he has just enough for gas money to get to the job site.

So that's what this is about? I yelled. "You don't have money?!" Well, shit. If he was avoiding taking me out, why the hell didn't he just tell me. I say this to him, and he walks out of the room. I chase him out to the truck, which he hates, but dammit don't start a conversation and then walk off. "If you can't take me out cause you don't have money, you could have told me. We could still get your parents to watch the kids and we could see the free concert in the park or go to the game village and play 10 cent skeeball with money under the car floormats."

I told him- "Instead, I've been thinking you don't want to be with me. If it was money, why didn't you just say so?"

Then he gets all mad, telling me he DOESN'T want to go out with me, cause all I do is beg him to go out. Well, shit, honey- we've been broke before. We've even been more broke than this, and we still had money to go out. I like to go out, you've always known that. I shouldn't have to ask- BEG- my HUSBAND to want to find time to be with me, outside our home, away from our children.

So now I feel like shit, because it's like why do I even want to be with this person that doesn't want to be with me? Who doesn't even have the decency to talk to me?

Then he goes on about how he should be working today, but he stayed home to be with me... But he's not even being with me, he's gone off with his dad. Good thing Loghead took Lazy Boye with him, or I probably would have taken my anger out on my SS.

I'm just so damn mad. I work every day, cleaning up crap messes that aren't mine. I live 30 miles away from my friends or any kind of civilization. Hell, I think I have now seen every Hannah Montana episode with that stupid "all 85 episodes" thing on the Disney channel. I'm thinking Spencer on iCarly is cute, we've watched it so many times. And I'm almost finished reading all the decent books in our little local library. And I still have 6 more weeks of vacation. The skids' bio-mom has flipped a switch and amazingly isn't demanding they visit, so the skids come and go. i deal with their crap while Loghead's at the temp job. Princess leaves for college in a month, and she's busy with work and friends.

Is it really too much to ask that the man that is supposed to be the love of my life to WANT to take me out to a movie or dinner? Hell, I'd even settle for an 85 cent ice cream cone at the gas station!