... it's not going to get any better. So what am I willing to give up? What do I have to let go of to be willing to make it work? A clean house? Skids who do what they're asked?

I'm tired. I don't want to keep asking myself if this is worth it. I've invested over 12 years of my life. We have a son. I don't feel like I can just walk away. I just want to be happy. So what do I have to give up to be happy?

Loghead isn't much help right now. He's so down in the fact that his temp job ends in late March, and he hasn't found anything for now. AS an educator, there won't be many options until jobs for next fall are posted. He's even posted ads around to do physical labor jobs in our area. He does have a few weekend jobs lined up. But he's so lost in his head about it, he doesn't see what's really going on around here...

I'm pressured as the main breadwinner right now, and 6 people can't live on one teacher's salary... I work from the minute I get up till the minute I go to bed. I'm doing my best to stay disengaged, but damn, is it so hard for a skid to take two minutes to empty the dishwasher after school, when he gets home 2 hours before I do, and 4 hours before his father does? And it's not like I assigned him that job, his father did months ago...

So here's my beef today- Loghead didn't go in to work today. His car wouldn't start and the junk car couldn't make the 2 hour drive to his temp job. So he stayed home all day. I haven't done his laundry in weeks- there are piles of his clothes all over... Couldn't he find 5 minutes to start a load of laundry? He made bacon and eggs... Grease splattered everywhere and sink full of dirty dishes.

SChool gets out here on Wednesdays at 2 for teacher meetings. So Lazy Boye and Princess got off bus here at 2:45. PITA stayed for ball practice. Both skids had two chores on the chore board, ones that would total less than 6 minutes of their time...

Instead, I get home and Princess's boyfriend, Stepping Stone, is here. She's in her tank top and pj pants and they're cuddled on the couch together. (Damn, I hate they are dating again and this is the 3rd night this week they've been together.) I can see Lazy Boye out in the woods behind our house- chopping wood, which is helpful, but he's left his school shit everywhere.

Loghead is at the counter doing computer work- actually looked like FB, but whatever. I see the chore board is checked off, but there is evidence everywhere neither child did their tasks- empty dishwasher, take out trash, wipe down counters, and wipe down skids' bathroom. Nothing hard...

Gibby heads to his room and immediately starts his homework- God Bless him! I didn't know Stepping Stone would be there, and I hadn't bought enough chicken for all of us for dinner. I start to look for clean dishes- not many since Princess was cooking at 11 pm last night, and Loghead hadn't cleaned any of his messes... I see evidence the skids had already eaten when they got of the bus, and I ask Loghead. He says he's not hungry and they all ate. Yea- Princess fixed her and Stepping Stone MY chinese veggie freezer dinners. Great. So I start dinner for just Gibby and I...

An hour later, our food is done. In this time I have cleaned my side of the bedroom, helped Gibby with his homework, made two calls for work, folded a load of laundry and started a new one. (Strictly towels- that's the only thing I still wash for the whole family, and a load of mine and Gibby's clothes- everyone else does their own laundry.) Gibby and I sit down to eat, and Loghead and Lazy Boye sit down too... "Where's ours?" Loghead asks...

I just look at him. "You told me the skids ate, and you weren't hungry. I didn't make enough. I guess if we don't eat all our food, you can have what's left..."

They both sulk away... Lazy Boye comes back a few minutes later and asks to use my cell. My plan and Loca Grande's plan are the same, so he uses my phone to call her. Yes- we're mean. He's 14 and we won't get him his own cell... I tell him no. He couldn't do his two chores, and until they're done, he can't have my phone.

IN FRONT OF HIM, Loghead tells me just to give him the phone- the chores can wait.

He's right- the chores can wait, but the skid doesn't get my phone... I tell Lazy Boye I said my piece and his father wasn't going to tell me what I could do with MY phone; and I glare at Loghead while I say it. Loghead tells me I've been cranky since I got home, and maybe I should take a bath and chill after diner. "No one wants to be with you when you act like this..."

I will take a bath- after I vent. I realize it's not going to change. We have had 3 major incidents since November, and each time I have listed out for Loghead what needs to change. That included him supporting me when I tell the skids no, or when I give them tasks. That included him and skids helping around house more. That included Stepping Stone not being around all the time because he makes Princess turn into her mother. That included Loghead spending more meaningful time with me. That included him letting me finish my thoughts and explaining why I feel the way I do about things...Instead of being shushed every time I talk...

So what am I WILLING to give up?