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sick and tired of it.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 4:51pm

I have been married for almost 3 years. and had stepdaughter since she was 4. since then... when we married.. she never listen to me NEVER i mean N E V E R. and I had rules as 3 strikes and tell her father. and he take care of it. and since then.. still not working. He let her to play ps3 game, DS game, during the punishment.

I never let my only child the 2 year old. get toys during punishment. so she can learn why she does things and such.. after the punishment then she can play with her toys. since then... step daughter bossing my daughter around that I told her not to. She is not a MOTHER.. and I am the mother and I will say if this and that allowed or not. She wont listen she thinks she thinks im the boss not you. and also she says you are not my mother. well toobad.. you living in my house.. and you follow my rules. and I and hubby got zillion fights about that.. and as usual and 3 times almost divorce becasue of her and i reallly hated her and i never loved her since then. i never love step daughter but my husband and my child.

state your opinions and no bashing but understand how much i have gone through those years. I just want to leave and move on.. and will never marry a guy with kids ever again. if we get in divorce.

Comments

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 5:09pm

now she is 7. and before married.. she was sweet, funny, watch cartoons together.. play games. and such we got along with hubby as well very nicely and smoothly.. and til father told her I want to know I and her are married. means she is your step mom. She will be with me everyday.. all day... so forth. She looked at him huh.. and after prolly few weeks. she turns a monster! and since then.. she told her dad that i dont want you to marry her i hate her she is mean.. and her dad says.. hey.. you have to listen to her and she is my wife. and she is your step mother. do what she says. just like your mom.. you listen what your mom says and you have to listen to your step mom.

I dont know what to do anymore. i feel like to just go and move on! im not running away from the situation.. I had enough.. fed up..

I never go with hubby on fathers day... and go to the store with him with his brat 7 yr old. I wont go anywhere with him with her. He doesnt care.

I never get her gifts or birthdays or anything since we married. my love for her is stone cold. that how i feel.

PrincessFiona's picture

Submitted by PrincessFiona on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 8:00am

In the end it doesn't matter whose name is on the card or who really shopped for it, bought it, wrapped it. My SD considers everything she gets only from her dad. It's just one more way she's found to be hurtful to me.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 5:14pm

oh other thing... we fight daily.. almost.. me hubby how to displine his 7 yr old. he being to easy on her. and i had enough as well.. and i am very strict. i am strict on my 2 yr old. she behaves very well. but 7 yr old? no. she whines and complain and being a drama queen...

we plan divorce about 3-4 times.. and try to work it out. and i told him this time.. the last. and i wont do this again. i will move on! he said okay..

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 5:39pm

i go to counseling.. just started.. about step daughter marriage, hubby as well and my own issues as well.. my own issues with little of OCD about little things. lol Hubby refuses to go to counseling he thinks that its all my problems.. and all my fault.. etc.

step daughter every M W F and every other weekends, during summer weeks. 1 week with her mom and 1 week with us.

and yes.. we live togs before we got married.. step kid comes the same schedule i just mentioned.

hubby gives the kids gifts and always put my name on it. really i told him not to for his 7 yr old at all.. he said.. she is your step daughter. i am doing it anyways. i said ok.. and know what.. she told daddy thank you daddy.. and never say a word to me. pfft im used to it anyways. doesnt bother me at all.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 5:44pm

hmm, i didnt mentioned that im deaf.. lol doesnt matter anyways.. the fact is i have nerves... as whispering.. or face making and mocking... that i cannot hear. its so annoyed. she does that sometimes and i told her stop. i dont appericated it. so i use my sign language in American.. no voice but sign to her.. will you stop whispering and making faces and mocking me? she was like.. huh what did you say?

and father mentioned to me long time ago. I will do the her clothes, etc.. i said okay. and today.. he asked me where is her undies. i said how would i know? you the one who washes her clothes and put away and why are you asking me? i have no clue and its between you and her. not me... dont put me involved in this. he gets frustrated. well.. he told me he do it himself so 1 less job for me to do lol

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 5:46pm

and yes.. about bio mom tells her crap... and she told her bad things about me.. ( sd told her stuff) and nothing is true. so annoyed as well.. still do today. I told hubby i had enough from her telling her crap about me.. and her mom needs to stop talking trash about me that is not true.

plus i hate her mom as well... she always ask hubby what i did to her etc.. anything.. as is she being mean to my daughter? because she told me she punished her for not doing the right thing. he was like.. all parents punish a child when they dont do the right thing. she gets mad about everything.

desperateinalabama's picture

Submitted by desperateinalabama on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 7:01pm

For one thing...
DH is not going to change when it comes to SD. My DH told me that he didn't like having to tell sKids no and discipline them. He said he felt guilty. She is his "angel" and that will NEVER change. You and DH need to talk and come to terms on the punishment when she steps out of line. If she is there with you all day, you need to be able to discipline her. Sit down w/ DH an let him come up with the rules he feels SD should follow, put in some of your rules too especially if you are there with her all day, let DH sit down with SD and tell her that you are in charge, that he supports you. Let him discuss the rules with SD. Post the rules of the house up on the wall so that she knows what they are and also the punishment that will go along with it. Choose your battles carefully. If an issue arises that needs to be addressed immediately, address it right then but with your DH, if possible. Remind SD of the rule that was broken and the punishment that goes along with it. I would take the toys that he lets her play with and put them up. Stand your ground. If he gives it to her, take it away and tell her that when her punishment is up, she can have the games back. If DH gets angry, remind him that he is the one who came up with the rules and the punishment. Do this every time to break DH from giving them to her and her from asking for them if she does. Make a behavior chart, when she has been good for x # days, get her a treat, something she likes. This may break this may help bridge the distance b/t the 2 of you and bring back feelings of caring. Trying to get along will be much easier than trying to avoid her. You may think that it is not bothering you, but from your post I can tell it is. I laugh when you say you would never marry another guy with kids...I tell myself and close friends that ALL the time. You've just got to get creative and find what works for you. Research some things online. When all else fails, give yourself a time out.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 8:09pm

yeah.. i know he wont change for that matter. I did several times.. and he still breaks few. and spoil her. also.. supper time i am a cook all times. hubby once a while. when i make something. 7 yr old refuses to eat any of the meal that I made. because she told her dad.. ew those food is gross.. and its not. i make everything possible healthy for everyone not greasy etc.. father made her eat or else. which i have to stay out of it. and I did the chart for 5 months. she didnt get any rewards.. lately... only time was 1 time she got a reward.. that she spends 5 dollars at the dollar store whatever she wants. and after that she went downhill..

I still kept reminding him.. and he said im the boss of my child and you do your own daughter. I was like. you spoiling her and such.. and I tell him what my punishment is.. and he doesnt agree with it.

I dont know what to do anymore.. also, several times.. 7 yr old jumping on the couch... i told her enough i said enough i mean stop right now. she wont. so i told father. and i told her 3 times.. and she wont. and made her to go to his room. and sit next to him and play ds game. i went in and told him is that a punishment giving a child that she play on ds game? he said she is having a punishment. i already spoke to her and she sitting next to me til i tell her to go. i said still.. ds game is not suppose to be part of it til the punishment is over. i left the room pissed. and she is a brat.. still .. and one time.. she slapped the belt on my 2 yr old i told hubby. and he talk to her and punished her in the corner timeout for 15 min. if i were him. i give her a punishment for 30 minute... no talking, no games nothing and when punishment is over sit with her and tell her why she did it. and bed early. 830pm.

no not for him. pfft. yeah trying to be creative.. and trying to care..

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 7:50pm

First, this little girl was told you are her 'other mother'. How would you feel if you and your husband break up and divorce and some other woman is told that she is the equal to you? Is that fair?

How much does she know about sign language? Has she attended any classes for chilren with deaf relatives? Her entire world is listening. Yours isn't. It is like expecting her to learn Japanese and all the customs and use them appropriately.

Kids do pull faces and do stuff behind your back. It is very normal. Teens tend to mutter JUST out of your hearing and you catch half of the insult and then the deny saying anything. And that is in the hearing world.

One time you and this little girl shared something. Now you are the 'boss' (she had this the thrust upon her remember. No one asked her if she wanted her dad to remarry)and she has Daddy and Mommy and this woman who thinks SD has no value. No special reason to care about you or love you or even like you. i bet you can find that spark again.

As for your son, he is only 2 not 7. I bet your son will not always be so well behaved. Your OCD and need to control your world due to your lack of hearing (I hav no idea whether you think this is a disability or not)is running all over your life.Would you like to live in a world where everything had to be done your SDs way because she had issues?

But certainly your husband needs to get with the programme. He needs to stick to his punishments and not give in. Although he may scared shitless that his princess will live with her mother full time and never see him again.

He doesn't appear to have handled any of this very well.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 8:14pm

First, this little girl was told you are her 'other mother'. How would you feel if you and your husband break up and divorce and some other woman is told that she is the equal to you? Is that fair? no..

we did discuss about parenting.. 50-50 if we divorce. and he will find a woman. and told me that.. when my 2 yr old will be like the 7 yr old. i told him i will make sure she wont be like her. i wont allow that. no respect? no have to respect people in the house or anywhere..

yeah he needs to keep his words and stick to the punishment and i agree. and he does give in.. still..

im getting better with OCD.. yea.. 2 yr old daughter once while doesnt behave she get a time out for 5 minute.. in the corner. no tv no play time.. nothing til she is done. and no tv for 30 minutes. and sit with me and talk to me why.. you do that. and such.. simple words..

no she doesnt know signs. only me and 2 year old daughter knows. and hubby knows finger spelling tho not much. we talk all the time. i sign my daughter daily. with voice of course.

7 yr old have no interest to learn. so

at least people comment here.. helps me to learn something and try to do better I try tho.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 9:01pm

I dont know how you all step moms handle 2 years to like.. 30 years marriage with those brat step kids??!!! how you all do that? lol

I dont know if i will ever stay married that long! lol no offense.. tho

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Thu, 07/08/2010 - 11:18pm

Does SD live with you?

I think she could benefit from counseling, and from DH supporting you on discipline. Maybe you and DH could get marital counseling, to get you both on the same page.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 7:11am

that what i am trying to do .. hubby and i go counseling and like i said.. hubby refused to go.. and he thinks all is my fault. and he thinks i made the marital fall apart and blaming me. and step kid mother refused to take her counseling and said that all is my fault.. and everyone blaming me.. excuse me it wont work if you refuse to go period. he said well its your problem and you deal with your own. and i said i have.. and you have your own problems yourself and you deal with it with counselor. he said no way i am not going i dont have any problems with anybody i said bull crap. you have anger issues, blaming me all the time. you dont care what i am trying to say. when i tell you somethng about your step child. you insulted me im a tattle tale? and making excuses? since you told me when i have a problem with your child i come and let you know. and you b****ing about it?

and also this morning. hubby says im unfaithful.. wtf.. i was takin a shower, to get ready to go to the library with my child 2 year old. he said where are you going? i said what is the day today? hmm.. ITS FRIDAY.. and you know we go every friday. and he ingored me and hug my daughter and step out of the door. and texting me people told me you are being unfaithful. wtf. i am not being unfaithful and they are trying to cause trouble. happens many times. ARGH what am i going to do? he told me if you do you pack up the stuff. i said is that what you want? you told me you loved me last night and hug me and watch a movie and this monring you want me to leave? because you rather to believe those shit load of liars.. happens like ... 4 times in a year.. in 2 years. he is not listening to me at all.. another martial advices here??? lol

desperateinalabama's picture

Submitted by desperateinalabama on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 1:09pm

wow...
This is truly a difficult situation. Most of the other situations on here, there is usually some degree of willingness on DH's part. I would suggest you keep going to counseling and work on yourself. Steer clear of SD issues right now as much as possible. Is the 2 yr old yours together? How does he treat him/her? Try letting SD help you with things to try and build back up the bond the two of you once shared. Try including her in things. Tell her you love her, even if you don't feel like you do. Hang in there!

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 1:54pm

yeah.. i did told her i love her a minute ago.. lol she said yeah right.. you dont love me but my daddy! ( true..) but i wont say it to her.

I did.. still going and she believes my hubby more than I do. ( spoke on the phone with him.. the counselor) and she friggin ingored me.. and pfft. also yes.. 2 year old is ours. yes.

She wont help me around here at all.. but playing stupid game DS, PS3 thingy. I asked nicely of course. and politely. she wont do it. forget it.

I dont know if i should keep on going to counseling and she really pulled my strings to anger. because i tried and told her feelings i have felt. and such. and plus she siad you two dont need a divorce there isnt a reason.. is it abuse? is it physical? is it rape? etc something is worse than fighting. really we almost fight daily. I am so worned.

I just looked up the apartments and talkin to welfare. etc.. to get myself going and prepare to go. I don't know if i can handle this anymore.. should i stay little longer or get the hell out?

Things i tried.. and i hate number 1.. people call or text or email or fb.. oh your wife cheated.. i saw her etc. where is the PROOF.. first of all i always tell hubby where i go. and when i get back home. and he really believe those idiots. he doesnt obviously wanted to trust me or wanted to try.

getting worse and worse and worse. i want to marry again * no man with kids! lol* and be happy not being miserable!

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 4:33pm

yeah that i am going for. i hate that woman.. sorry.. for saying that. but really she listens to him more than me. pfft.

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Fri, 07/09/2010 - 5:24pm

Honey, you are up against a lot of stress. Being deaf is your world and everyone else can hear. Do you have any hearing at all?

Your SD is ONLY 7. If you are around her so much eventually she will break down. If your DH disrespects you so much she will copy daddy and mommy and treat you lke crap. Anticipating adult behaviours in a 7 yr old is like expecting your 2 yr old to be able to go to the library on her own.

So every day , every hour say "I do love you for being you. You aren't my daughter and you don't need another mother. I love it when you ..... *insert a good point*"
Eventually she will wear down. She will respond with "Yeah right." OR "You are lying." Which says to me "I wish I could believe you but I don't." There is hope with the child.

Love things she does rather than her. Agknowledge that you are not her mother and don't want to be. I bet she is respectful to her teachers in school.

As for your DH, I would tell him he is welcome to follow you all day and check your phone. Maybe he can stay with you all next week just to make sure you don't supposedly cheat, lie or steal. And ask him why people are texting HIM to say you are cheating with a 2 yr old in tow. Who are these people? How do they know you and you don't know them?

It sounds like he hasn't got the wife he wanted. Someone who doesn't argue back and just appreciates anything he does. I think the name for those women are Stepford Wives.

rcphotographer07's picture

Submitted by rcphotographer07 on Sun, 07/11/2010 - 9:14pm

stepford wives? LOL

facebook.. i know everyone knows what is facebook is. one time.. a lady told me hey.. somebody talking trash about you... as you whore, you bitch, you slut, you cheater, you manipulator, you have affiars.. etc all that.. and i said okay email me then.. and i got 68 comments about me.. and i got really pissed and all is not true. and i knew 1 person started and i took action for court.. for damaging my rep. and saying dont go to her business.. bad place to go.. ( im a photographer, i own a business.. ) what is a bad place? wtf i shoot people.. taking pics.. duh.. no for them.. no she cheats she will do something behind your back.. etc.. wtf none of it is true.. and i blocked over 80 ppl that i knew all of my life. later 2 weeks later. ( was posted on facebook to everyone to see..) and had me BLOCKED.

the lady called me and said im sorry. I said.. bullshit.. i dont give a shit what you say. you said it very rude, and bad mouthing about me. and its not true and you know that. and you knew me all of my life and you talk trash about it and let ppl think im a bad person and a cheater? she said im sorry.. i was mad.. i said i already took action. I sued her for that.

well. talk to you all tmw.