My oldest looks exactly like my late husband, when I look at our 3 children I see him and miss him. My husband now still feels threatened by my late husband because my whole family loved him so much. We were childhood sweethearts and our families were and still are very close. Maybe I do hold my husband to certain standards that my late husband established. This is a subject that I haven't really thought much about before. I may need to speak to my minister about this.

I was widowed 3 years before I met my DH. We dated for 5 years before marrying and I still feel guilty everyday for marrying again. It is what it is. I still talk about my husband and it does bother him. He says it and then I stop. But, my son is a reminder every day that his dad is gone. My late husband and I had some issues in our marriage, but nothing major and we would still be together, if he hadn't died. My husband knows this. I have mentioned to him many times, that I am actually grateful that I am widowed, because my late husband can't cause all the problems that his wife has. Sounds terrible, but being widowed I think is easier than dealing with someone else's parenting of your kid.

As for blending, I think this is hell no matter what. But, my DH doesn't have to deal with my late husband, he just has to be reminded daily that he would still be in my life had he not died. He however doesn't have to see him all the time, like I do with his Ex. I have relegated pictures of my late husband to one small bookshelf in the house. Her pictures are stuffed in the hall closet. That is the level respect that our previous spouses deserve right now. If I could get her pictures out of the house I would.

I don't think the guilt ever goes away, it just subsides. For me, there were several deaths for me in a short time and that has it's own issues. We used to joke that I had so much baggage. Now, my baggage looks so small compared to his.

I was with my late husband for 15 years (no kids). I have been with DBF for 3 years now. I don't have any pics of my late husband up in the house, and try not to talk about him very much out of respect to my DBF (DBF has no photos of BM anywhere either). It is hard, tho, when I am reminded daily about BM due to phone calls, texts, and the skids retelling stories about what they used to do "as a family".....it's like I'm expected to erase my past, but they aren't.......I don't think DBF gets it. It's hard sometimes.

That is exactly why I won't take down all the pictures of my late husband. He is a part of my and my son's life. My DH may not like it, but tough. I have moved them to where he doesn't have to see them daily, but I am not taking them down completely. I loved my husband and by putting him in a box completely, diminishes that relationship and he didn't deserve that.

Stepsoftly and steppedinit - you should honor their memories in some way. Whether it is a discussion with your current husband or a picture up or a candle lit on the anniversary. Something that shows that you remember them. I can't imagine not acknowledging him and my late son in some way.

Every year on my late son's birthday, I do something with the kids. They don't know what for and I don't say anything, but I feel better.

As for your DH's hurt feelings - tough... He will get over it. Also, how could he not understand a wife having feelings for her late husband. If he died, would he not want you to mourn him in your own way in your own time????

I think you're right that you need to do something to honor your late husband. I do things - but subtly.....I have one of those Starbucks photo mugs that I leave on my desk at work - it's fully of photos of my late husband, but no one really notices it so it doesn't 'creep out' my co-workers. On his birthday, I always wear a Hawaiian shirt - I just don't explain why I'm wearing it . If I had a child with him, then, like you, Jsmom, I would make sure that my child knew what a great man their father was.