Why throw anything when that is the truth. We all obsess way too much about a person that is only important to the stepkids NOT our husbands... Our husbands don't care about them, don't want them around, and don't even like them. What's the bid deal.

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I like the positive nature of jojo and gia! Vents like this help me to realize how being practical and in control of what i can control will make me happy in the long term. Thank you

That makes total sense....But easier said than done.

second that!

i wish i were the type of person who could handle life's stresses like that, let it roll and move on to things/people that really matter in my life..... but no, i'm vindictive and harbor anger! well, that's the first step, admitting your problem, right?

No tomato throwing here...LOL

You bring up very valid points. I think many, and I am guilty of it, are caught in the middle of an emotional and psychological mess.....and you feel like the innocent bystander, which is frustrating. You're helpless you can't do anything, but you don't want to leave because you love yet...you can't do anything... :?

In my case, she destroyed him so much financially that it HAS effected me.....mostly because I didn't know how much damage she caused. Getting together with him, has destroyed my credit and we live paycheck to paycheck which is sad because he makes really good money.

She took him to the cleaners and still wants more. However, you are right that no one should dwell on things because it's just not healthy, especially things that are out of our hands.

i agree.

I agree and disagree...some of these witches have impacted our lives do much that we deal with the consequences daily...for those who still have to do exchange of kids ot is a constant battle...as for DH and I the witch impacts us daily because of her choices, but now there is no "help, you aré the father, blah, blah..." cause last time she pulled that DH said "no, I have attempted to do x or y and you told me to f%#> off...now YOU deal with the mess you created!" click

This is good advice, BUT life is way more complex than an afterschool special on Lifetime and trust me, if we could get away from the crazy BMs (or SMs) in our lives, we would in a heartbeat. If I never had to see BM again, or watch my husband sign away a third of his monthly income to her or hear of yet another petty, nasty thing she has done to try to hurt us, I would be happy to never think of or see her fat, ugly face ever again. Her actions have gigantic effects on my life and my family and that's not something I can ignore. Making peace is not an option as she is certifiably insane and a total, vengeful bitch. I spent the first few months of my marriage taking the high road and simply ignoring her and her behavior escalated to ridiculous, restraining order heights. We do ignore her for the most part now, at least to her face, but there is no denying that she is a permanent part of our lives until the last skid is 18 and venting about her on here does not mean that obsessing about her eats up every second of my life. I actually have a really full and happy life that has nothing to do with her and the only times I think about her are when she does something awful that affects me, H and the skids, which is pretty much every few days. H and I vent to each other and make fun of her which helps keep things lighter, but I'm not the kind of person who sweeps emotions under the carpet or pretends that things don't bother me.

Yes, it bothers me that this disgusting woman is in my life and the mother of the kids that I am helping to raise. In general all she has are not very smart insults that she passively aggressively passes along through the skids, but if you give her any means at all to lash out in a real way, she takes it in a heartbeat. I was talking to a friend (a mom of two) about her and the situation and she was saying that during the calmer times maybe BM has finally cooled off a little and might be feeling regretful or having her conscious catch up with her and then the next day, BM did something completely inappropriate and insane and my friend texted me this: "I was wrong. What a crazy bitch!"

That tends to be most people's reactions when they hear about the stuff BM does, or witness it for themselves. The majority of BMs crap is petty and nasty and just unpleasant, but not that harmful, but lately she seems to have forgotten to take her crazy pills because she is totally unravelling and has been doing really scary, insane things in front of other people and messing up in ways that can be documented by a third party. A lot of people who didn't like her, but felt sorry for her are now completely shocked and alienated that she could do such things, especially the things that hurt her kids. I can't write them out yet, because they are very specific and odd and we are in the middle of legal custody stuff, but I will post them after.

So anyway, yes, in an ideal world we would blithely ignore the BMs or make mature peace with them, but for most of us we are living lives that are highly affected by our spouses ex and I think that this advise is on par with telling Germany's Jewish population to "ignore" and "make peace" with the Nazi's in the 1940's. You can't ignore evil, especially when it is targeting you.
Obviously, that is a very dramatic example, but on a way lesser level that's what is feels like. BM would have happily joined the Nazi party and I hear that they had a fondness for cruel, fat blondes with mustaches...

Joking aside, this is good advice, but just not practical for most SMs. Working towards disengaging is great and I think we are all working on that, but implying that we are seeking unnecessary drama and choosing to be obsessed about the BM isn't accurate at all. I would love it if she would grow up and leave us alone and get her own life, but she is completely fixated on us and is constantly trying to cause problems. At the moment she has one friend that will spend time with her and this woman is worse than she is. Her pill popping, thief and bar floozy friend has a kid that she neglects too and the appear to egg each other on for the dishonor of being the most pathetic, horrible parents in our state.

In my life, having a horrific BM is like having a tapeworm. I wouldn't ignore it, but if I was trying to treat it and get rid of it, I wouldn't consider myself obsessed, I would consider myself smart and self-protective. My attitude about my BM is smart and self-protective and I do everything I can to keep her from hurting my family and those I love. That's not obsession, that's practicality. It may seem like everyone on this site is obsessed, but that's like always running into someone in the bathroom and assuming that they are obsessed with toilet paper. This is a place to vent and that's what we do. I don't vent like this in my normal everyday life, I have a lot of fun and have a happy life. People get on here to express the negative and upsetting feelings they can't in real life, so it may seem like all they are is negative and unhappy, but that's only because one small slice of the pie is being seen. Every one of us has an everyday life and i'm sure some are obsessed with the BM, but most of us are just trying to be happy and have great family lives. I see your point, but I think it doesn't apply to that many people here.

I have tried to be friends with BM but we truly have NOTHING in common. I have a degree, she is a highschool dropout, I speak 4 languages, she has a drawl, I run my own company, she sleeps with her boss. There is absolutely no common grounds for us. I am not angry with BM just tired of her stupid decisions about SS that enables his lazy, mooching, manipulative behavior.