It`s normal that you are upset and I think at that age it`s relatively normal to be jealous to a younger kid. My FH told me how his daughter was so jealous to her younger brother that she wanted to get a diaper too and was crying like a small baby just to get more attention then her baby brother. Try and talk to your husband and ask him to talk with the girl. I think she is lacking attention but she should not hurt a baby.

Yes, you need to talk to her dad about getting her professional help. You also need to have him talk with her about this. He could say, "I know you've been through a lot, and I know you've been having anger/jealousy issues with your brother, but you cannot be mean to him. I love you and your brother equally. I know it's tough because we can't see each other everyday, but you need to know that. But this is what's going to happen if you continue to be mean to your brother. You can always talk to me about your feelings and I won't judge you." And then he needs to follow through with enforcing the rules.

I'm sorry you're goin through this. I know firsthand how frusterating this is. My SS10 used to abuse my BS3, From the moment my son was born, when SS was 6, he would pretend to shoot him. It didn't settle well with me Then, when my son hit 2 and SS was 8, he would squeeze his ears and stick his ugly face in my sons face with the meanest most evil look. The sad thing is, I would catch him doin this when he didn't think anyone saw, and my son had done nothing to him. In fact he was just sitting there trying to talk to him. My husband didn't believe it was as bad as I said it was until my son had bruised cartiledge on his ear.

I don't give a f*ck how jealous a stepkid is. To be that cruel just because you are jealous or want Daddy all to yourself is plain evil. Especially to a defensless baby that adores big sibling.It just proves the selfishness in the child and if it's not corrected just imagine what they grow up to be. I don't think there's any excuse. I feel you. I wouldn't allow your son alone with her if I were you, because you know what she's capable of. She needs to get her sh*t worked out and although Daddy can tell her he love her, he needs him to be stern with him and tell her that sh*t is not acceptable and if it ever happens again there will be MAJOR consequences. I disagree with the poster of sugar coating it. Because if Daddy focuses on telling her how much he loves her, she'll find this as an avenue for positive attention.
So maybe it should go like this: "I love you but you do not have my respect when you do this. You are breaking my heart when you hurt your little brother (my son) and imagine how you would feel if I allowed someone to do that to you, or even worse, if I did this to you? If you are angry about something or need to talk, we can do that, but come talk to me. Abusing your brother will NOT be tolerated and if it happens again, you WILL be punished. I am very disappointed in you."

For that to work, your husband needs to say this. Otherwise, I don't see it being very effective. Good luck!

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know what to say. It's hard to move forward if you two aren't on the same page. And your son is your biggest priority. DO whatever is best for him, and then you.