Meh... maybe?

Usually BD are NCP.

As CP, you have the kids more and less time to "date".

When you do "date", you get judged for bringing them around the kid too quickly, or not involving the kid in your decision, etc. There's always something for other people to complain about.

But yes, generally if BD is with someone, he's less interested in our family. I'd assume the same goes for BMs.

I think it would resolve alot of our "helping" because DH would be fast to say, ummm no, have your dude fix it for you.

I wish she'd find someone. I think it would make her much happier, and us!

delete

I wish she'd remarry...she never will though. Not til that alimony stops being paid to her. THEN she'll get hitched again. Then maybe she'd stop being so obsessed with SD as well. Seems like BM is EVERYWHERE!!! We can't get away from her, ever. It's her right as a good mom, but it sucks bc I always have to deal with her being at every event. oh well...goes with the territory.

Work out your own salvation. Do not depend on others. ~Buddha

Yes, absolutely. We have seen the flip-flop based on BM's relationship status. For a while she had a great one and we even socialized with them a bit, believe or not. Then he moved away, they finally broke up, and she was back to her crying, blaming, trouble-making ways. Then she got a new one (long distance again too) and she's been all bubbles. I think their former DH is a lightning rod for these women, and when things don't go well, it's HIS fault.

I pray for her to get remarried, mainly so the SKIDs can get out from under BM and that crappy town. SS is very unhappy with SD, who is bipolar, I believe, and now he is doing ALL the chores DH used to do. AT 16, he feels very responsible for his flaky, irresponsible, lazy mother.

I truly in my heart believe that if BM would trot her happy ass OUT OF THE CLOSET and get a girlfriend, our lives would be SO much better! She has not dated anyone in 6 years since the divorce and her only release is making mine and DH's lives miserable and controlling the SD's minds so that they treat us like shit. She will NEVER remarry so she will ALWAYS be a HUGE thorn in our side. It is a losing battle for us and we are SO TIRED.

If only she didn't hate herself for being a lesbian and she could accept herself and move on, things would be different I'm sure! It's the obsessive religion thing. She feels that homosexuality is a sin and she will never accept it and never let the SD's know about it (let alone anyone else in her direct path). So, how can she ever come out if she is THAT ashamed??

Ugh...

Love :?

HAH! Our BM just remarried and the only thing that's changed is now she feels more entitled to be a B*tch! Now she has illusion of mom of the year (her hubby has kids too), because she's a step mom too (I shudder to think of her on this site!) She was momentarily distracted by her barbie dream wedding, but now that is behind her, and she is once again focused on being a pain in our butts.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

Our BM was way worse. Told lies to her FH about having a family with him. Always cancelled visitation bf dated him, then tried to make a new family, even wanted to change SDs' last name---PAS to the max---I wish BM's father would kick the bucket, bc he contines to goad her on to litigation because of his own issues---FOR PAST TEN YEARS---both are so BPD, that everything wrong or bad that happens is our fault.

Nutty McDougal was sleeping with someone else's boyfriend, got pregnant and still continued to harrass us. I don't think it changes. Even with the new baby, she tried to give it my DBF's last name even though he's not the father. The dumb shit she puts us through and continues to do. I have been disengaging myself for months, but I think that I also have disengaged from DBF because he's starting to get on my last nerve too.

No one can make you feel inferior with your consent - Eleanor Roosevelt

It really depends on the BM, the reason for the divorce, if there's still resentment between BM and your DH etc. Our BM was bitter and more vindictive at first because FH was with me, and she didn't have anyone. However, since she hooked up with her BF, she's been happier, more agreeable especially since she herself has a crazy BM to deal with (her BF's ex-wife). She still gives us trouble from time to time, but that's just her personality...argumentative, cannot admit fault and HAS to win every argument/discussion, no matter what.

I think it depends on the person. But my hubby's ex-wife has a b/f and she is still in love and hooked on my husband. It drives me nuts. She will still make comments about him "leaving the family" and he constantly has to tell her that he left her NOT his 2 boys. It seriously drives me insane, but I love him and I knew this wouldnt be easy marrying someone who has a crazy ex and children by her.

Yes, it really depends on the type of person they are... Our BM remarried a week after their divorce, but she still treats DH like he should be jump at her every beckon call! I can imagine it would be worse if she was on her own... but not by much! Just this morning she called to ask if DH can take the kids to school for the rest of the week cause she hurt her foot. I was like WTF? If we had the kids and you hurt your foot, I'd be taking them to school... not her! BM drives her husbands kids to school every day, why wouldn't she turn to him for help? She still bothers DH every time she needs something. It's a control thing. He told her no, but to see if she could work something out with me cause I may be able to help. She was pissed... I guarantee she won't call... she just wanted to control DH... that's all it was...

I am not so sure.... BM has always attacked DH at every opportunity - even when she was engaged. She was the same when that engagement ended - attacked him and would not follow the court order at times.

But the worse of it came when he got married to me. So somehow i don't thing it has anything to do with her not having a man. And i believe that she dates - she is not an ugly girl on the outside. And SD spends an awful lot of time with her G-ma in NC.

I think it has a lot to do with the BM and allowing herself to emotionally move on from the break up/divorce and moving emotionally forward. I understand DH did alot for her when they were in a relationship.... I.E. she had a degree and worked part-time in the mall.... He paid the bills, took her on vacations, etc - but then they were in a relationship. Once the pregnancy happened she had to admit to having an affair - and wanted to then get married. DH didn't want to get married just then - he wanted to wait until child was born... She then decided to leave the area and move back with her parents.

But i guess she felt he should still pay all her bills and the like. When he only paid her the child support and 1/2 her rent - she got very upset and took him to court. Then was even more upset when they only made him pay the child support and gave him visitation.

So i think she treats him like crap due to the court giving him visitation and stopping him from paying her rent and other bills and she got only child support - which is 800 - and now she is a full time teacher with a master's degree.

Seems like no matter what he does it is never enough... It's like she has a personal vendetta agaisnt him and his family.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

BM here wound up psycho after getting remarried and having 3 more girls. When she was single she was very nice and agreeable and we all worked together fairly easily for the benefit of SDs. After she remarried, her new man talked her into moving 58 miles away from us to build a house on his parent's property (CO allowed 60 miles), and then he took control. She now has to get 'permission' from him to do anything and he makes all the rules for SDs. SDs can't stand him. We can't stand him. He's fat and lazy and doesn't take care of the kids, even his. Seriously, they had a little girl and then a set of twin girls so 3 in diapers and he never changed a single one... no lie! He just gets to make all the rules and there's not a damn thing we can do about it. Any time DH asks something of BM, even down to what time are we meeting, we get the "Well let me talk to XXX".... GAG ME!!!!

I actually really liked BM when she was single. How crazy is that?

BM in our case if even more of a pain in the butt when she's steadily dating someone. Especially in the beginning because she's trying to show the guy what a wonderful mother she is. She hides the crazy until about a year or so into the relationship (if it lasts that long). Once she shows her true self, the guys RUN!!! My husband was the longest relationship she ever had -- somewhere between 3 & 4 years, I believe. And he only stayed as long as he did because BM got pregnant & he decided to try to make it work. And he didn't know about BM's colorful past until after she got pregnant.

When BM is single, she tends to not bother us so much. She's too busy meeting guys & sleeping around. Of course, this is when the kids are most neglected, also.

From everything I've read from other SMs, the BM's involvement or lack thereof doesn't really seem to change much. In our case, BM has had a number of boyfriends (3 of them were relationships over 6 months long), but it has never really calmed her down. I agree with Squeegie -- in the beginning of a new relationship, I think it kicks her into high gear because she's trying so hard to show the new BF what a WONDERFUL LONG SUFFERING MARTYR MOM she is, and how horrible we are. Since the skids both like me, the main way she can do that is by causing drama in scheduling, child support and other issues that don't directly involve the kids' input (so she can put on her little martyr show in private for her new man without the kids being there to potentially throw water on the performance).

I had really been expecting BM to calm down once she got a boyfriend, so believe me, I was MIGHTILY disappointed when it didn't help!

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

YES YES YES YES!!!

BM always stays out of our hair when she has a boyfriend. ALWAYS... so when I tell her "I just want you to find someone that treats you right... and be HAPPY" I REALLY mean it... when she is preoccupied with a man, life seems to be much more smooth for us. She doesn't call NEARLY as much... she's not putting on her over the top "mom of the year" act (when we all know how pathetic she truly is) because the men she dates are all LOSERS, and she would rather spend time getting HIGH and going out then doing things like help SS with his homework, and get him showered and in bed on time. So YES, better for US... not so much better for SS though. She tends to put him on the back burner when she has a man.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ ; )