OT: No offense, but...

Okay, I've had a tough day filled with rude people, and I am just gonna say this.

Here is the "translation" into plain, direct English of the following conversation openers. You may want to print them on a 3 x 5 card for the next conversation you have with someone who opens with one of these lines, just so you aren't confused.

When someone says: No offense, but...
What they mean is: You're a pathetic dumba** and I'm perfect.

When someone says: Not to be mean or anything...
What they mean is: You're a complete idiot and I'm perfect, so if you're offended, that's because the truth hurts -- it's not because I"m rude.

When someone says: I hope you don't take this wrong, but...
What they mean is: I want you to take this exactly the way you will obviously take it. But I don't want to own up to it.

When someone says: I hope this doesn't sound harsh...
What they mean is: You are a sh*t for brains and it is my duty to tell you that, as someone who is completely unlike you. Since it is my duty to inform you of your faults, any harshness you perceive is entirely your responsibility to assume blame for, and not mine.

That's all. No offense...

belleboudeuse's blog
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Hey... I posted this once...

Hey... I posted this once... I got slaughtered for it.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

Well, I clearly can't get

Well, I clearly can't get slaughtered for it, because I said "no offense" at the end. Doesn't that make me instantly innocent of any bad intentions?

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I have done away with those

I have done away with those disclaimers. Because at the point I am at now, I just state my opinion and be done with it.

If I feel like the poster is in a fragile state of mind I try to word it differently.

If I feel like they are a tool, then I just say it and to hell if they get mad.

____________________________________________________________________

"If it sounds like I think I am better than you, it's because I do."

Exactly.. -------->If I feel

Exactly.. -------->If I feel like the poster is in a fragile state of mind I try to word it differently.

You have such good blog ettiquette!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

That's what I like about

That's what I like about you, TheWife. If you're gonna be harsh, then you just let fly and don't try to pretend you're handing someone a bouquet of flowers.

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I hear ya... I think mine

I hear ya... I think mine was about the phrase " I don't usually agree with you BUT..." which to me is translated "normally I think you are an idiot BUT"... I did gain some insight though from those that use that phrase, that sometimes it is intended to be compliment. Saying "HEY, I think you are RIGHT ON with this". And I suppose I understand it.

"no offense but..." I think CAN be used tactfully, if the content that follows is intended to have the OP see things in a different light, and they are not RUDE and condecending in tone. Make sense??

No offense.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I agree. This is a site

I agree. This is a site where we come to vent and get away from the crazy ex's and misbehaving skids, and kids. If you don't have something constructive to say keep it to yourself!

Where does one get a copy of

Where does one get a copy of the "Belle's Handy Guide to Translating Opening Lines with Underlying Implications"??

Pocketbook Edition of course.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

STANDING OVATION!!! CLAP,

STANDING OVATION!!! CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!!!!!!
______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

When someone says: No

When someone says: No offense, but...

------------> SD says this all.the.time. Gets on my nerves..not to mention how rude it is.

Impression of SD: *gives the wth were you thinking look* and says "Your hair uh, it looks, uh, kinda bad.......uh no offense or anything"

______________________________________
"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

My oldest SD uses "no

My oldest SD uses "no offense" too.

I think she means it though.

She turned bright red when she thought I would look good with a nose ring... because girls with big noses look best with them... No offense.

She turned three shades of red indeed.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I guess it's the look and

I guess it's the look and tone she gives that doesn't send the message that she really means no offense.
______________________________________
"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

And THAT look and tone, are

And THAT look and tone, are hard to convey through a computer monitor. Maybe some of the posters really MEAN NO OFFENSE. But without facial expressions and voice fluxation, it is hard to tell.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

60% of communication

60% of communication consists of body language.

It's pretty important.

Thank goodness for smiley icons ----->

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

Yep... DISbelief~ ~You have

Yep...

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I hear you. It is possible

I hear you. It is possible to use most of those phrases in a way that's inoffensive. I've used similar phrases when I'm stumbling and am afraid to hurt someone's feelings. And I know that tone is sometimes hard to convey through text. But not so much if the "No offense" or other opener is followed by something like, "What you said is just plain stupid, that's just sick, you're an idiot, etc."

As far as I'm concerned, take ownership. Either you're gonna be a rude bitch or not. Following "No offense" with "but you're an idiot" doesn't automatically make you innocent. Own that you're being rude and offensive, or shut up.

(And obviously, DIS, I'm not talking TO you...

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

I know... Thanks for

I know... Thanks for clarifying!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

I have used the harsh one

I have used the harsh one before, usually only with new posters and only when I can tell she's a very sweet person who honestly doesn't have a clue and I don't want to come off as an overbearing know it all, telling her what she NEEDS to do. Just like to give them something to think about.

Other than that, I'm in complete and total agreement with you Belle.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

How about "To be perfectly

How about "To be perfectly honest"....I've found that is usually followed by an opinion that completely contradicts your statement and makes you look foolish or dishonest. And I don't trust people that use that statement!

Just being honest.....:)
Glynne

I've used "To be honest"

I've used "To be honest" before, without the perfectly. I say it when I'm admitting to feelings or thoughts that I'm not too proud of.
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"Most couples have not had hundreds of arguments, they've had the same argument hundreds of times."

I think I said that in a

I think I said that in a post earlier today... I was saying it like "really I am being HONEST here" when I was posting something that others may find to be less than true.

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

deleted

OK - Middlemon - I trust

OK - Middlemon - I trust you.
Glynne

OOOOPs, I hope I am not

OOOOPs, I hope I am not guilty of saying those things!!! I think I have said "no offense, but your dh is a douche bag" to more than one person!!! Sorry!!!

I have found in the 4 months that I have been here that I have come to admire and respect people with whom I originally traded barbs. I have grown to respect the perspective of people I originally thought were abrasive or cold. And today I realized that some of my advice is irrelevant to some people's circumstances. What I would do in certain circumstances can't be applied in a situation where the dh is not fully supportive and I apologize for being insensitive to that fact.

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

There IS a difference between having a different opinion and being an asshole, find it.

My husband is really fond of

My husband is really fond of saying that whenever someone starts by saying "It's not about..." , you can bet that that's EXACTLY what it's about.

E.g.: "It's not about the money!"

You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Belleboudeuse... I must have

Belleboudeuse... I must have missed something... but I am terribly guilty of using the whole "harsh truth" and then saying... "I'm not trying to hurt your feelings but..."

I don't know any other way to say it. I personally don't like being harsh sometimes and really do hope that I don't hurt the other person's feelings.

I get the blog... but I respectfully disagree !!

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

Belle, I love it. I once

Belle,

I love it. I once started a conversation with my little brother with "Let me appologize in advance for what I am about to say ........"

He immediately responded with "then Fuck You in advance".

I learned my lesson on this issue from my then 16yo bro. I was 21. Just goes to show you that you can learn from anyone if you are open to the message..... even smart assed little brothers who smoke you in the smart assed comment department.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)

LOL, I love that story. Too

LOL, I love that story. Too funny!

DISbelief~

~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~

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