I made sure my first husband knew my feelings on divorce before we got married. Counseling, etc. We were married 21 years when he left me and our two teenage sons.

I never wanted the blended family either for my sons sake. I waited until they were graduated from high school before I started dating. But regardless of their age - we are still blended. With BD and his gf's kids and now with my DH.

They saw what I went through and since they are the older siblings they work to make the SD feel a member of the family. Even with all her attitude, etc.

I feel that the biggest problem is how the parent handles their own children. My DH started with defending his princess even if it hurt our relationship. He is starting to come around.

My mother handled the blending wrong. Telling me to act nicer. To try harder and to not let them hurt my feelings. They were grown ups and I was a kid - but I was to act more mature then them. My SF - he would rip them a new one when he found out. But trying to keep the peace I often didn't tell him what they said or did.

For those out there. I try to remember what happened to me when making decisions in my present situation.

Middlemom: yes, I did grow to resent my mother to some respect, but the older I got the more I realized she was actually trying to maintain peace. As the child in the situation I wished she would have talked to me openly about her fears as a stepparent so I would better understand why she did what she did. But I would also have liked her to tell me instead - it's ok, they are different than us, but you can be yourself. I wish she would have told me to stand up for myself if the need arose. True they were grown ups - but why didn't they act like it then? One of the things that broke my heart was traditions. We had some really great family traditions that the new steps did not want. They wanted their family traditions. Even though they each had their own homes and family. I was the only one still at home. My mother gave in. When I got my own home I restarted those traditions.

When I became a step we called a family meeting. We discussed their traditions and ours. We keep some of both and started new ones.

I might not always land on my feet - but I have learned to fall and then roll over, dust off and stand back up.

Thank you for the kind words Moon Child...and to everyone.

My situation started very much like yours Steperg. The SD got EVERYTHING she wanted. DH justified it saying it was what she needed. Her car is better than mine, but now that she is pregnant DH is beginning to realize that he raised her wrong. His words. THe baby is just one more way for her to get what she wants. Hopefully instead of getting her way -- she will get an education and responsibility. Both DH and BM have put me in charge. We will see how it goes.

I'm grabbing every little victory I can. SD needs a new computer for college. Must have laptop. DH told her that she has to pay for it - not us. He won't even consider buying it and letting her pay it off -- fearing she will not do it. She has job interview this week.

My mother also had to deal with the greedy skids. Even grown they expected help with everything from buying a house to elaborate bday parties. Christmas - forget it. I was raised very, very poor. Getting one or two presents was a wonder. The first Christmas I was shocked. The tree, the floor, the whole room was filled (I had 5 steps). Not only that but they gave each other tons of presents. Me none. The next Christmas - it was different. My SF had lost his job and my BM was the only support. She bought each step one gift. Santa brought me mine. Boy were they mad. Names were called and my SF realized what ungrateful children he raised. From that point on - it was that way.

My mother could be very cold and harsh - life had made her that way - but also very loving and loyal. She was also very needy and materalistic - but appreciated everything she had. Most of my life we did without. I always had what I needed in life - but some things I was required to work for too.

My mother married a strong, headstrong, Texan who thought the little woman took care of the home. My mother showed him different. My SF became a sensitive man that showed my two BS that a man can be strong and gentle at the same time.

The last 8 years of his life was at my mother's side. She had Alzheimers. He refused to put her in a nursing home, insisting that his care was his responsibility. He feed her, bathed her, cared for her. This big, gentle giant. When she passed away, he died shortly after. I was lucky enough to spend the last year of both their lives living with them. My sons had gone off to college and I moved in with them.

I got to see that unconditional love existed -- with him and her AND with him and me. That is what I want! For me and for all of you!