See what I mean about making himself the good guy?
I just just got home from work and read what my fiance wrote. Let me clarify a few things on his story.
1. When he "paid for me to stay in his apt." it was for 3 months. And the rent was split 3 ways so you can imagine how small that was.
2. I can handle a baby and I do have the patience. I would develop the patience, that's what first time moms do. BUT... I can't handle having a baby and working a full time job.
3. He has never said anything about me being "overwhelmed and pissed off" with his son. This is the first time I have ever heard of it. I tell him when he does and doesn't listen to me when my fiance isn't home. Because I feel that is something he needs to know. Yes I get stressed out, but who wouldn't? in fact, he does it more than me. I have done it like twice. The last time is because I spent $100 on tickets to go see disney live for my FSS. He freaked out when we left (as expected). But he freaked out the whole way home too. Yes, I was stressed and disappointed that he couldn't see the good in the situation and decided to scream bloody murder the whole way home. NOW.. looking back, I get it. He's two. What else would you expect? But in the moment, YES it is stressful and disappointing.
4. It has not just been one month that I have had to carry him. He isn't making that much money now and he plans on staying in this job for a while.
5. And yes, going home was my idea, because the only people who are excited about my baby right now is my family. I can't get excited. I have the father telling me how terrible it's going to be all the time. Who could get excited with that?
6. I can't get attached because I had a miscarriage less than a year ago and that baby was my everything. I only knew for one week. I found out I was pregnant 3 days before I graduated. Then I lost is 3 days after I graduated. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through and I was depressed for... well, come to think of it, I'm still not over it. Which is one of the reasons I fell like I can't get attached.
Overall, I am really upset that he wont even try to man up. He is making excuses before he even tries. Thats what he does. There is an excuse for everything and I'm just plain sick and tired of it.
- Michelle23's blog
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Wait...your fiance posted
Wait...your fiance posted someting here? Who is your fiance?
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
It's on the blog she posted
It's on the blog she posted B4 this. He left a comment to the one she posted.
****There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth.**** -THE WIFE
I'm confused...
I'm confused...
About? I can help try to
About? I can help try to clear it up!
****There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth.**** -THE WIFE
Thanks Heaven. I found the
Thanks Heaven. I found the fiance's post on her previous blog. What an asshole!
i guess that is your
i guess that is your opinion. I don't feel i am an asshole.
***Double Post*** ****There
***Double Post***
****There are 3 sides to every story. Yours, mine, and the truth.**** -THE WIFE
I see a situation where the
I see a situation where the both of you have two totally different perspectives on the same exact situation. I'm really not sure that either one of you can say you haven't contributed to the tension in this relationship.
I think the both of you need to sit down and try to understand each other without getting aggravated and without trying to force the other to see 'your' side of things (meaning his side and your side). Instead the focus should be on how each of you can see where the other one is coming from. Give him your perspective with the idea that he will be understanding of it, and he should give you his perspective with the idea that you will be understanding of it. Then, instead of trying to change the other person, realize what you (him and you) need to change within yourselves.
That would be a start.
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
Now see that would be
Now see that would be wonderful. I haven't even seen her long enough to have a conversation with her in the past 3 days. I want to try to fix this and see what she wants from me. By the way i created my own account so people don't get upset and feel like I am stealing hers. She leaves it up on the computer so when i click to use the internet i see what an ass i am apparently. So now i have my own account and i will no longer post on hers. But yeah i haven't seen her in 3 days. Maybe for a half hour in the morning or enough time to say something before one of us has to leave for work, or school, and then when i get off at night she is already in bed.
The one thing that pisses me off the most is that she will not tell me exactly what she expects from me. She uses hints and off comments well that doesn't work. Indirect communication allows for gaps in understanding and comprehension so if it is a major issue it needs to be spelled out directly. "I want you to do this so i can feel more comfortable and safe etc." She has not done that. I am supposed to know what to do.
I see where she is coming from on certain things but other things i look at her like she is out of her mind.
Have you guys thought about
Have you guys thought about counseling? You both have a hard time communicating with one another and expressing yourselves without getting frustrated or placing blame. I think if you found someone who could show you guys how, the both of you will stop hitting a road block and possibly start to make progress with the issues you both have.
Neither one of you are going to get 100% of what you want. Maybe the both of you should write down what it is you are wanting as a list from the most important to the least. If there is anything on that list that either of you aren't wanting to give to the other find a compromise that makes the both of you happy.
For example, if she wants you to work to help out with finances, but it's almost impossible to do because of your schooling, either compromise by taking less classes during the day and getting a part time job, or do some small lawn care jobs on the side on the weekend, or you could compromise by letting her know that you really want to get done with school as fast as you can so a job may be out of the question, but you can help her out with the chores around the house instead to take that burden off of her.
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
i think you need to review
i think you need to review your bio --- your posts do not match...
what you have and what you wish to have are very different.....
sounds like you have your shit together --- think about what is best for you in the future! you are not responsible for bf & fss -- bf & bm is...
What I don't understand is
What I don't understand is why can't you handle a baby and a full time job?
Honest opinion from me on
Honest opinion from me on this one? I think this is more about the fact that her fiance manned up and took care of his first baby-mamma so that she didn't HAVE to work than it is about her not feeling she is able to work. I think she wants him to have the same level of commitment to and consideration for her because he did it for the first.
Thank you!! That is exactly
Thank you!! That is exactly what I want! But I know that wont happen. And The reason I can't handle a baby and a full time job is because then he would be the stay at home dad and I don't think that is fair at all. I want to be at home spending time with my baby. Especially because he already raised one. It will be a repeat for him. it would be my first time doing something I have always wanted to do.
Ok I get that, but I thought
Ok I get that, but I thought I read where your DH was going to school during the day so how could he be a stay at home dad?
Yeah, um honey...you can
Yeah, um honey...you can totally have a baby and work full time. you are strong enough to do anything you want. i was 19 with an infant and worked full time and had my own apartment. if *I* can do that...trust me honey, anyone can do that.
be strong.
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"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down." ~Aut
And also, it isn't going to
And also, it isn't going to help your relationship if you're going to waste your time hoping for what he gave to his first baby momma. Things are different. This is YOU and HIM not HIM and HER. Don't expect the same because you likely won't get it then all your fights with him will be fueled by the bitterness you feel over that. consider your relationship with him as a whole new book. You don't need the same things he gave to her so why make yourself nuts wishing for it? he can give you better than what he gave her. he can love you better and learn from the mistakes he made with her so he's a better man for you.
being a stay at home mom is nice...but it's not the end-all be-all in mommyhood. Who knows, working full time and looking forward to seeing your little bundle when you get home might make you appreciate the gift of motherhood all the more.
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"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."
"Never let the hand you hold, hold you down." ~Aut
Personally, I enjoy my time
Personally, I enjoy my time away from the miniature crazy people
I enjoyed it for the first
I enjoyed it for the first eh...2 weeks? Then I was ready to get back to work so I could socialize with some adults! LOL
You really have to look at what's feasible for your situation. When I was married to my ExH, I could have certainly stayed at home to be with my children if I wanted to. We were in the position to do that. Now that I'm with BF, I can't stay at home even if I wanted to. 4 kids in the house, a mortgage payment, double the groceries, a bigger vehicle to transport us all in, Child support....there is no way it's possible.
Not to mention, I'd never want to fully depend on anyone but myself. Who knows what could happen.
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"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
C_G... me TOO! By the time
C_G... me TOO! By the time perfectson was 6 weeks old I was have FITS to go back to work. I had zero desire to stay home until he was about 2 years old when he had a personality and was much more fun to be around. The baby stuff is for the birds! LOL
I have ADHD I think because
I have ADHD I think because I can't just sit. I have to be doing all the time. Newborns don't encourage doing because you are so trapped by their schedule. I was super freaked out and stressed by all the hanging out. Sitting up all night nursing with the newborn, sitting on the couch while the baby slept during the day. It's probably a good thing that I only had one.
Thank you finally someone
Thank you finally someone who can see the situation for what it is. I can't do that anymore. I wish i could. I have told her time and time again that i wish i could but unfortunately all the money i had is gone. I didn't have a job for 4 months, well to be fair i didn't look for about 3. I had just got done working a shitty job for the past 5 years and i wanted to take a break. I should have gotten a job right away but i used some of that money to pay for bills and the rest to pay for school and now it's gone, so i know she is bitter about that. I was supposed to give it to her to hold onto because she is smarter with money but i didn't because at one point in wanted to invest it and the other time i was going to she decided to move out of my old apartment because my roommate was a dick and she claimed she couldn't be with me anymore, so i kept it.
This has just been such a back and forth roller coaster with our relationship and so much of it fuels from my sons BM and how much of a bitch she is. I have told her repeatedly that she needs to take shit she does with a grain of salt and not let her get to her. my Sons BM will piss us off i'm sure of it, but it is so hard when she is constantly comparing what i did when my ex got pregnant vs what i am doing now and am capable of doing now. I am trying to make myself a better person for Michelle23 and my son and in order to do that this degree is important so we won't have to worry about all of this crap and she can work a part time job if she wants to get out of the house and not have the pressure of needing to make money and working full time.
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