it is NOT my responsibilty to make YOU happy...

I've been reading a lot of others' posts today and I've noticed a theme. Many of the posts, answers, comments, etc that I've read have pretty much said that since we love our husbands, we should try to make them happy. Now, I'm all for doing nice things for the ones we love because it will make them happy (ex: I bring my husband home a Dr. Pepper because I know he really likes them and I also know he won't walk down to the gas station to get one), but what I'm not ok with is this idea that I should be RESPONSIBLE for their happiness.

To me, each individual person should be responsible for their own happiness. If I'm unhappy for whatever reason I do things that I know will make me happy. I work out, I read a book, I do arts and crafts, I play with my dog, I eat chocolate (yum!). I don't look to Hubby to MAKE me happy or to FIX what is wrong. Sure, I will talk with him about issues that are bothering me, but I don't expect him to fix it or me. If you always rely on someone else to create happiness in your life and those people are suddenly gone, are you going to be miserable until someone else comes along to "fix" it for you?

I can't do anything about SD, but when I have my own children I hope that I can teach them this. I hope that I can get them to understand that they are responsible for their own happiness. That if they don't like what life is throwing at them, then THEY need to change it. Granted, young kids need us to show them how to make themselves happy and there will be instances in very young children's lives that this does not work, but at least by trying consistently they are gaining the tools needed to know how to do this in the future. Hopefully making them self-sufficient adults!

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Agree

Agree 100%
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“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”

like ~*~When you kiss

**like**

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

Excellent Point. Im going

Excellent Point. Im going to try to start living by this.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

Good Luck Pantera! I hope

Good Luck Pantera! I hope you succeed. From my point of view it is sometimes harder to take responsibility of your own happiness. It is much easier to just say "I am not happy and it is so and so's fault for not doing such and such for me". BUT when you make yourself happy it is much much much more enjoyable and rewarding.

Thanks Minerva!!! This is

Thanks Minerva!!! This is exactly the post I needed today. I feel like I can not be happy in my home right now. Maybe if I take responsibility of my own happiness, things will change big time.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

I hope so Pantera! Good

I hope so Pantera! Good Luck lady!

BF and I both agree on this.

BF and I both agree on this. Unfortunately, BM does not live by this creed and believes the world owes her happiness. The truth is it won't be handed to her. The problem with this is it effects skids and BF is already starting to see this. He tries to combat this on his own but I think longterm it's going to be a big uphill battle to undo BM's damage.

NycSM we must have the same

NycSM we must have the same BM! But she likes to preach the "happiness is found within not in someone else" but the example she shows the kids is another story. Funny thing is, she hates men but is dependent on them. So much to the point she is separated from SF, but claims to be working on saving her marriage, is listed on Match.com as divorced, goes by her maiden name. Crazy!

Mine too! It took me a long

Mine too! It took me a long time to figure this one out but I've been so much happier in general since I did. If only Wilda would but she's so codependent and miserable it'll never happen. Like your BM, mine preaches "enlightenment" like she's buddhist or something but the example she sets for SD is absolutely pitiful. I only hope that SD will see through it and become her own person. She deserves that.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

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My brother is one of those

My brother is one of those that thinks the world owes him. I don't know how he got this way. We grew up in the same home with the same mother. The only difference I see in our upbringing is that I worked for everything I got. My brother bitched and moaned to our mom and she 9 times out of 10 paid for it or did whatever it is he wanted for him. He is now unhappy with his life and marriage and no clue as to how to fix it...

My I-Ls have this problem.

My I-Ls have this problem. Their misery is always someone elses fault. For some reason my beautiful Wife dodged that portion of her gene pool. My FIL/MIL have had multiple forclosures and bankruptcies which seem to always be someone elses fault. My SIL is same way as is oldest BIL. Youngest BIL is big hearted and spends most of his time and resources bailing out the rest of my wife's family.

My wife and I refuse to help except under very specific rules. We give none of them cash or any negotiable gift. They get what we want them to have.

We will ultimately house MIL/FIL but only after they are on their way to the cardboard box under the overpass and only then when they have all of their income direct deposited in to an account that only my wife (the CPA) has access too. When that happens we (my wife and I) will buy a modest house for them to live in. We will either pay cash for the house or take out a low interest loan. Their account will pay us rent (which will pay the mortage and taxes on the property), their utility bills, food delivery and car insurance. They will bet a gas debit card for gas with a specific monthly balance for their transportation costs and vehicle maintenance. Everything else will go in to an investment account/IRA for them. When the house is paid off they will continue to pay rent/taxe which will be invested for them. When they can no longer live on their own the house will be sold, my wife and I will recoup our costs for downpayment/principle and the profits from the sale of the home will go in to a separate account to provide for my ILs elder care.

Upon their demise any assets will be used to reimburse my Wife and I for any costs we have incurred. The rest will be divided between my wife and her sibs.

This may sound cruel but any cash we would give those people would provide more value if it was used as toilet paper.

We get periodic calls from one or other of the ILs hinting at a need for money. We just listen to the latest tale of woe and lend a sympathetic ear. We have food delivered monthly so at least they won't starve. It is ordered on our account and anything they return gets credited to our account. They have attempted to return the food for cash so we make absolutely sure that ain't happenin.

Best regards,

Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)