BM causing problems again & things were going so well....part 2
During DH & BMs phone conversation last night, BM asked DH about BM flying SD15 up over Spring Break next month. And also stated that BM was going to also fly SD15s bf up to. DH & I had already discussed this flying thing and decided that with everything that SD15 has been through & done since she's been here, we are not allowing her to fly alone. And definitely not over Spring Break when that is not an agreed upon visit in the court order. And definitely not alone with SD15s bf. Well instead of DH telling BM this, he just says I'll let ya know.
When he got off the phone and told me this, I was like "oh hell no." No 15 year old should be flying anywhere alone with her bf. I don't care if it is to go visit BM. And if we would allow it, BM is so manipulating, she would find a way to use it against DH & I. Plus I told him that BM is so manipulating that she will probably book the flight before DH gives her an answer. And not to mention there is a couple hour layover in Chicago...god only knows what SD15 & her bf would do during that unsupervised time. And can BM guarantee they will not miss their next flight at the layover or that nothing will happen to them. No she can't. I can't believe that DH wouldn't tell BM flat out NO....DH really needs to grow a back bone. He has custody of SD15, not BM.
Would you allow your SD15 or SS15 to fly half way across the country alone with their bf or gf to visit BM?
- Shell97's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
SD nor BD would not have
SD nor BD would not have that serious a relationship with a boyfriend to bring him on visitation with BM or myself. What? I guess they will be staying together as well..... Oh hell no! Would be my answer.... and I would not even think twice about it.
********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************
In a word - NO! There is no
In a word - NO! There is no excuse for a 15 year old to be traveling with a bf / gf. They're kids for pete's sake, they can stand to be apart for a week. When the hell did people start letting children have overnight visitation with the opposite sex?
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I don't know when people
I don't know when people started letting it happen...but I know how manipulating the BM is that we deal with and if anything would go wrong, she would have no problem using it against us. But oh wait, BM told DH that if anything happens to SD during the flight or layover in Detroit, that DH & I could sue the airline company. What about if something happens while SD is in BMs care with the bf there?? What a dumb bitch!!
My son has flown for years
My son has flown for years on his own. Since he was 9. His father lived across the US, so it was the only option. I never liked it.........
I have to say that while it doesn't sound like the best idea in the world, it's better than flying alone.
Absolutely not. There is no
Absolutely not. There is no way I'd allow my 15 year old daughter to go out of town with her boyfriend. I guess BM is trying to be the "cool mom" be her "friend" now? This is lame. And I'm sorry, but your DH needs to seriously grow a backbone. He has custody, there's no thinking about it, the answer is NO. Why even say "I'll let ya know"? That implies that he's considering it.
Actually, the Judge will
Actually, the Judge will look at you like your stupid if you tell them you don't want them to fly. I've seen it happen, not to me, but happened all the same.
The Court sees flying as a source of travel just as being in a car, and for you to restrict visitation because it's to do with being on a plane, the Judge won't like it.
Also, the age where you can fly as an minor varies by airline, but usually at 7........so for him to be 15 and you to say no the Judge will really look at you like your nuts.
I agree, it sucks. But it's a form of travel that alot of parents use for visitation.
I have no issue with them
I have no issue with them allowing her to fly to visit her mom. My issue is with her boyfriend accompanying her (and staying with her and mom).
My bad, read that wrong. I
My bad, read that wrong.
I never liked the flying thing anyways though...........it's tough.
It's all good BMJen
It's all good BMJen
BMJen, if our situation was
BMJen, if our situation was different and SD hadn't done the things she has since moving in with us 7 months ago, DH & I would probably allow her to fly by herself without the bf. But SD can't even follow a rule as simple as what time her bf has to leave our home by. SD has done everything to have us question our trust in her.
And yeah the judge may look at DH & I as if we are stupid, but would probably change their mind when we explain why. And also that we are trying to follow the court order, unlike BM.
Believe me, that's exactly
Believe me, that's exactly what I feel and think about this whole thing. He did attempt to stand up to BM, but BM is so stupid and can't listen to DH & I's concerns about the situation. Plus doesn't agree with the court order when it benefits DH & not BM.
Oh you have one of those
Oh you have one of those where the co only applies to the dh and can't hear anything dh says? Me too!
"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!
I keep having to remind DH
I keep having to remind DH of how manipulating BM is. B/C I understand DH is tired of fighting with BM, but he needs to remember that BM will do anything she can to get back custody of SD. Even if that includes trying to get him to not follow the court order or BM agree to put SD in a bad situation, just to use it against us in court. But yeah, the co only applies to DH & BM can't hear DHs concerns about anything. BM thinks it's got to be her way or the highway (so to speak). LOL!
Bringing a friend is one
Bringing a friend is one thing, a bf /gf is another. I would say no, not necessarily because the flight, but because 15 year Olds should not have overnights with each other.
I agree---maybe you could
I agree---maybe you could suggest that to BM instead---like a girlfriend of SD who could go with her instead. Have some Girl time, get nails done, get hair done, see a gilry movie while there, etc... That way SD still gets to have social time, someone w/her travelling and BM still gets to have SD on a positive note
That would be fine if Spring
That would be fine if Spring Break visitation was included in the court ordered visitation schedule. But it isn't, so the answer is no. And definitely a big no the a bf going anywhere like that alone with SD until SD has been in a serious relationship with a guy for more than 3 weeks. I just can't believe that BM would even consider it. DH asked BM if she was crazy for considering it. I'm not sure what BMs answer was. But like I told DH, if we would allow that and something would happen...BM would not hesitate to use it against us to get back custody of SD.
no way. he should tell her
no way. he should tell her no. Those kids are his responsibility and it is not worth the risk. I would offer to drive half way....maybe. It depends on the details.
Well, DH & I worked the
Well, DH & I worked the entire thing out tonight. SD15 is not going to fly any where alone or with bf over spring break. Because we are following the court order for visitation. That order states one week over Christmas break and adequate time over summer depending on summer school activities & SD working. And due to things that SD has done since moving in with us, we can not trust her to fly anywhere alone. I know that some of you don't agree with that and feel that we should allow SD to fly, but you are free to have your own opinion about that.
As I was writing this I over heard SD15 fighting on the phone with someone...DH went to see what was going on and turns out SD was fighting with BM about not being allowed to come see BM over Spring Break. After DH left the room, BM told SD to put DH on the phone. Well BM started her shit again and DH told BM flat out that SD is not flying anywhere over Spring Break. Then they got into a shouting match. And DH told BM that he is not going to change his mind, but him & I would discuss it again. And then BM says are you going to ask if SDs bf could come along. DH said hell no I am not asking if he could go along and anyways I told you that I am not going to change my mind about SD coming to visit you over spring break. We discussed this in the fall when we were working out the visitation schedule for the court order.
I am so proud of my DH for finally standing up to BM. I have been waiting for him to do this for a very long time.
CLAPPING!!!! Standing up on
CLAPPING!!!! Standing up on my bed JUMPING UP AND DOWN for you, Shell97!!! Well, not literally, but you know what I mean...
I'm so proud of your DH!! That's right - if it's not in the court order for visitation, he is not obligated to allow her to fly there for Spring break!! Sorry BM!! Should've thought about the "big picture" and being a better mother to YOUR children...and maybe this wouldn't be happening!! Obviously, your DH has custody for a reason.
So happy for you Shell97!! One small step for 1 SM...one GIANT LEAP for all SM's everywhere!!
Isn't it funny when the BM's want to follow the divorce order to the letter when it benefits THEM, but then want to throw it out the window when it doesn't?? I see a pattern here...
Thank you Milomom. Yeah
Thank you Milomom. Yeah there is definitely a pattern with BMs & court orders. I find it hilarious when the court benefits us and BM can't do a damn thing. I am jumping up and down with you about my DH standing up to BM. Well not physically, but inside I am. LOL!