I would never have gotten involved if I had known
I would never have gotten involved had I known what kind of hell being a step parent would be. Hell on me, hell on skids, hell on relationship. Getting blamed for things, always having to clarify what you say, how you say it, who you look at, who you discipline. Walking on eggshells for fear of setting off some unseen bomb, only to be hugged and wanted in the next minute. Bf has colors I never knew he had. Getting ganged up on is my personal favorite knife. Cuts me to the bone when he sides with ss11.
Here I am at the New Year. Should I stay or should I go. When they go back to their BM, our life returns to normal. He treats me with respect and affection. Can I flip flop the rest of my life, as I am reading everyone's blogs I realize this does not stop at 18. I have a son, he is 20, he causes some conflict, but, I don't know.
I guess the saving grace is that I am free. But being free in the situation just blurs the lines. and creates more lines to blur. These thoughts sadden me. When you are divorced and you meet someone with kids, should everyone just run in the other direction? Shoudl someone run away from me because I have a son? If you could only shine some of this light on people with kids who get divorced, don't do it. Which hell is worse. I am sad. Not sure what the right thing to do is.
He has his kids, won't tell me when he's taking them back, I might leap for joy or something that our life can get back to calm. He acts as if it is all he has anymore adn expects me to feel the same. We have no plans for New Years. He's so angry at me right now he'll probably not take me out for punishment. I may be worrying over nothing, but that's what I feel like I got to look forward to right now. Doing nothing with him this weekend. Thing is they are good kids. Sweet. I just don't want them there all the time and this is taken as a big bad thing. Bad me I don't want to be with his kids all the time. If I ever get out of this, I'm never-ever living with someone again. (mansion, maids, nannies, yes-otherwise NO!)
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Just think...if he's not
Just think...if he's not with you...his kids may have a really terrible woman come into their lives after you leave. I think that's what keeps a lot of stepmoms in their situation...
Sounds like you crave a solid routine right now. Something predictable to give you days to look forward to being with your husband alone. that makes it so much easier to tolerate having children around.
I go into "ignore this man" mode when SD is around my husband. He just isn't my husband when she's at our home EOW. I have to excuse the things he does just to go back to normal when she leaves.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
What is EOW? yeah, I have
What is EOW? yeah, I have to erase memory mode almost immeiately after he has his little temper tantrum because he's hugging me in the next 30 minutes. I am just sad. I feel like my hands are tied. He has them this week and he doesn't even call me all day (not the norm) he only calls when he wants to knwo when I'm coming home. I feel alone and small.
I know he'll never find a woman as kind as me. Im a good cook, I am a fitness instructor, I am smart, funny (funny haha, not funny wierd!!!) I have a beautiful son, am financially independent, my family doesn't live near. No he'll never find someone like me.
Every other
Every other weekend:)
ooooh...you sexy thang fitness instructor:) feel the burn girl
Feeling small and alone seems to be a common calling card of stepmoms. Do you think you'd be truly happy without him though? My Dh never calls me when he's out with SD...he texts me so she doesn't feel like he's focusing on me when he should be focusing on her. I ignore it now and just think, well at least he texts so I know he misses me.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
I know I shouldn't but Im
I know I shouldn't but Im gonna say it...I wish I only had SS9 EOW, hell, Id take every weekend if I could have 5 days of peace a week }:)
I think it is normal to feel that way. You really need to figure out what is best for YOU. Can you flip flop forever? Is it worth it? Take a weekend trip by yourself and really see how YOU feel.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
don't be ashamed. I'm damn
don't be ashamed. I'm damn happy about our schedule. We get her 1day overnight every week but we still have the other days to be together after choochoo is in bed. then EOW we're totally free.
I think that's the only way i survive and don't just go batshit crazy.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
I am full time. BM rarely
I am full time. BM rarely takes SS. Here lately she has been taking him every other Saturday but thats because she is going to jail in January (contempt for not paying CS). I LIVE for those Saturdays. I hate saying it, but I need a damn break, lol!!!
I was all good with being full time when SS wasn't a butthead, but things changed after I married his Dad. What was I thinking, lol?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I can't blame ya girl, I
I can't blame ya girl, I would LIVE and KILL for them!!! LOL It sounds like you do need a break, I feel even worse now, because they are LEAVING soon. I can't celebrate though, that would be against the religion, so I have to once again change who I am and how I feel. Just once though, just once, I'd like to "DANCE AROUND THE HOUSE WITH IMMENSE JOY RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM SCREAMING WOO HOOO YEESSSSSS" when they leave!! Just once.
I know I know, the situation
I know I know, the situation is a lot better than a lot of others on ST, but the thing is he is being such an ass about it it is like they are there when they are not-sometimes. He travels and when he comes home, bam they are there, no us time. I resent that. I've gone off thought and thought and I can't make much sense. I wish I could. Even that part makes me feel inadequate. He says I'm insecure. That's why I have a pblm with skids being around.
well it's very possible that
well it's very possible that you're feeling insecure about how important you are to him. You are secure with yourself as a person but since he puts you in such a lonely,closed off place where you can't access him then you begin to doubt your importance and you doubt your role in his life.
That's something HE needs to fix. If you felt secure about your place in his heart...you would be a lot more receptive to his children. It's all tied together and he must understand this.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
How wise you are bitch bitch
How wise you are bitch bitch barbie and at so young an age. I'm old enough to be your mother!! I wish I could communicate that to him in a positive way. My emotions curl up my thoughts and mind, I get confused and say the wrong things.
Hail hail to wise bitch barbie, oh hail!!!
I was being sincere, on
I was being sincere, on above reply. and Thank you! : )
ha! you're funny:) your
ha! you're funny:)
your emotions curl up baby bc you know that no matter how well you state your feelings, since it involves his kids he is going to take it incorrectly.
Have you ever written to him? I know it sounds juvenile but sometimes a short,precise letter can make a world of difference. he has time to process what you're saying, take the emotion out of it and let him open up to really feel what you're saying.
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
You must know I read above
You must know I read above as "all hail the bitch" and I just got really tickled!!! hhahahahah!!!!!
I bow to you oh wise bitch!
Love ya girl!
You just gave me an excuse
You just gave me an excuse to post how I feel, lol. I would not say your situation is better. I feel your pain. No alone time sucks and you do get resentful after a while. I would have a problem with the skids being around too if you actually had chances to be alone and didn't take them. I can't make much sense of my DH sometimes either. It seriously is like they are from another planet.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I wonder if it would be
I wonder if it would be easier if we did have them all the time, then I could actually 100% feel like I could guide and discipline. This in and out gets craz-ee. Makes me craz-ee in my head. Of course there would be more time for me to do the wrong things in bf's mind. hmmmm.
See I'm torn on that one
See I'm torn on that one sadstep...
on one hand I LOVE our schedule. But then I realized my issue with her is because I have no official control over her and what she does, who she is with, what activities she's committed to...my issue has always been my lack of control.
But then...would I really want to trade my alone time with DH just to have my craving for control satisfied?
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
Good point, would I want to
Good point, would I want to trade? I don't know about that one. It's very complicated. so much sorting wears my head out.
Just because you have them
Just because you have them full time doesn't mean you can guide and discipline, TRUST ME on that one.
"Of course there would be more time for me to do the wrong things in bf's mind."
ding ding ding, correct.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I know how you
I know how you feel....because I crave the time when they are not here. I know it's sad to say but I look forward to when they go home. A lot of it is that:
1) They don't mind me. I am of getting stuck with a child who does not mind me. No one even bothers to ask me if I have plans or if I mind watching them. I get volunteered for the job. I know it's sad to say but I resent the Sk(s) for it all!
2) Bdad always finds a way to take their side even when they are in the wrong.