BM's response - Misguided asked for me to let you know and ye shall receive:

Nymh,
My issue is that you honestly have no place in my son's life. You are the father's g/f, nothing more or nothing else. I realize that if it weren't for you, SS wouldn't have a place to stay when he has to visit BF, but on the other hand, if it weren't for your and BF's actions, he wouldn't need to be there at all.
We are never going to be friends and both should accept that. I know that I have. I have held both of YOUR girls and have treated them as I would my own kids. (I said to her in my previous email that she has been welcomed into two of my homes now and has held both of my children, so I think it's time that she stop acting like a child and do what is best for her son.) No child is to have blame placed on them for the actions of adults. I just don't understand why it seems that you feel you have to have a place in SS's life or be a mother to him when you aren't.
BF has been briefed on SS's condition and knows that SS has suffered from strabismus since birth. Put yourself in my place and ask if you'd want me to have info concerning YOUR girls. I think the response would be NO.
I am going to suggest that you watch BF carefully as he's not being as faithful to you as he should be if you are in a committed relationship. I can provide more specifics if you wish. I don't won't to cause problems for you but thought you should be aware.

This is typical BM behavior... She has tried so many times to convince me that BF is cheating on me - most of the time she claims it is with her. She has claimed that he has molested her at SS's birthday parties, that he calls her every day to proclaim his love for her and apologize for everything he has done to her, and even said that they had sex on my desk at the business that BF and I used to operate when I was out running errands in town. And then of course there are the supposed midnight trysts where they do it all night long.

Yeah. Right.

So I wrote back:

I am not SS's mother or a mother figure to him and I never will be. I have no disillusions regarding my role in SS's life or lack thereof, and I feel no need to hold any title to him or have a place in his life or in his heart. The fact of the matter is that regardless of how we got to where we are now or whose "fault" anyone thinks it is, I do have regular interactions with SS and he and I do share a home four or more days a month. This has been the case for a while now and I don't forsee it changing any time soon. I know that everyone has their own feelings, preferences and opinions regarding that fact but I try to leave out emotions and look at things realistically. I think that everyone who is involved with a child should be educated on how best to take care of that child regardless of their label (mother, father, girlfriend, sister, grandparent, teacher, whatever) or personal feelings of others which may be preferential to the contrary. If either of my girls had any sort of medical condition I would want everyone who has regular contact with them to know the details and how to manage them - especially if that person happened to have a background in healthcare since they would be even more qualified to help than the average person. You ask if I would want you personally to have medical information about my girls. You assume that because I am a woman or a mother that I would feel the same way that you do. You have always tried to tell me that if it were the other way around I would do and say the same things or feel the same way. You and I are completely different people on a very deep, fundamental level. There is almost nothing about our personalities, our actions, our feelings, or our reactions to situations that is the same in any aspect of life. Parenthood and relationships are no different. Please do not assume that you can appeal to my feelings as a mother to try to get me to agree with you because, like always, I would not feel or act the same way as you do if the tables were turned. If my girls were going to be staying with you or in your home for any period of time then I would ABSOLUTELY want you to know information about their health and how to manage any conditions that they might have. You have no reason to know these things now as the likelihood of that happening is astronomically low, but if the situation ever presented itself that you would be around my girls in that manner then there would be no if's, and's or but's about it. But then again I am not threatened by your place in my girls' lives and do not feel the need to illustrate or point out to you that I am their mother and you will never be. However even if I did have any ill feelings toward you or resentment for your role in their life (which I do not), my personal feelings are far less important than the health and well being of my children and I will do whatever necessary to ensure that they are as well taken care of as possible in every situation; be it at the babysitter, with their father, with grandparents or friends, at school, whatever.

I have no desire to be your friend, but I will never stop trying to be friendly and helpful. That is my nature. It seems that your nature is to shoot down any attempt that I make to help, citing that I should have no involvement because of how you feel about me or my lack of a role or place in SS's life. Then you tell me what you want out of me thinking that you can have one and not the other.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*