Surprise contact lenses
THIRD UPDATE: BM sent DH an email today talking about all the expensive medical services she has paid for on her own and demanding he contribute money for the contact lenses and braces she plans to get for SS.
SECOND UPDATE: I'm taking an afternoon nap on Sunday and get woken up by DH "can you help SS put in his contacts?" I can hear SS crying in the background. I simply reply "no, if he wants to wear contacts he needs to be able to put them in himself."
UPDATE: I posted this last night, this morning as I'm out doing my own thing, I get a call from DH. "When are you coming home? I can't get SS's contacts in and he says he needs to wear them for football." Incidentally, he is farsighted, so does not actually need them for football. As I was helping SS put them in, I said, "if you can't put these in yourself, you are not ready to wear contacts. You need to be able to do this on your own before you buy contacts."
Today, SS11 showed up with his new contact lenses. We had no idea he was getting them and they are daily lenses, which are not cheap, they can cost up to $1000 a year. In addition, he did not even have the right materials for them. He showed me some drops he had to put in his eyes when they were dry, but what he had was cleaning solution. I showed him my rewetting drops and told him we'd buy some for him this weekend.
Last year, DH took him to get glasses which he never wore. BM tried to claim that DH got him the wrong prescription, then said they were "adult-sized" glasses (they weren't), then said that SS was just "too embarrassed" to wear glasses.
SS told me that these were not trial lenses (even though he had a trial pack), that he was going to wear them from now on. He said he couldn't wear his old glasses, because they were "the old prescription", but his prescription is so low that I can't imagine it changed all that much in a year.
I've worn contacts for 23 years. I didn't get them until I was old enough to start driving. I wore glasses for the first two years after I had been diagnosed as nearsighted. I honestly don't think SS11 is ready for contacts. Also, BM does not wear contacts, so will have no idea how to help him when he inevitably gets a lens stuck in his eye or tears one by accident when removing it. I told SS that he doesn't want to have them in his eyes for more than 12 hours a day and he should give his eyes a rest periodically by wearing his glasses. I also told him that he needed to be sure to wash his hands and be very careful when taking them out.
Of course, DH received no word from BM that she was getting SS11 contact lenses. They have joint legal custody, including medical decision-making. I sure hope she doesn't come and ask us for money. I'm sure she'll make a point of telling DH how she is covering the entire cost, but really, if you don't ask for input, then don't come asking for money later. I'm not sure what DH's insurance covers for vision, but I don't think it covers much for vision.
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I sure hope his cleaning
I sure hope his cleaning solution isn't one that is hydrogen peroxide based. Mine is and if you get it in your eyes it stings like crazy. I have also worn contacts forever and can't imagine an 11 year old boy being successful with them.
Me neither, especially not
Me neither, especially not this 11 year old boy. I understand that younger kids now wear contacts but I suspect those younger kids can keep track of their things.
And BM doesn't require him to be responsible, either. Anything that goes wrong is never his fault. Not to mention the fact that she makes a million excuses for him and never wants him to feel uncomfortable - hence the contacts because he's just been "too embarrassed" to wear glasses since he got them nearly two years ago. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to and sometimes your mother has to be the one to enforce that.
if your BM is anything like
if your BM is anything like the Girhippo, you WILL be presented with the bill even though DH waa never consulted.
I'm sure he'll get some angry
I'm sure he'll get some angry demand from her for money.
Of course, DH paid for 100% of the glasses last time and didn't ask her for any money, even though he's only responsible for 30% (because BM makes so much more money than he does). She won't remember that of course and her only response to him paying for everything was to send him a nasty text weeks later about how he'd gotten "the wrong glasses" when really it was just that SS didn't want to wear his glassss because he was embarrassed.
If BM was the type to search
If BM was the type to search around for deals, I could see the price being much more reasonable. However, she isn't, especially when DH is paying. She is the same person who managed to buy the same pair of football cleats that was on sale everywhere the week she bought them, for full price. There's no incentive to save money when you can demand money from your ex husband.
They went to Walmart and I think he did have to put them in, but I think with an 11 year old, you need more than just putting them in one time, especially if no one else in your household has any experience with contacts.
I started wearing contacts at
I started wearing contacts at 11, in glasses since grade 2. I had to prove I could get them in and out on my own before we were allowed to leave with the trial pair. I LOVED having contacts. It honestly made my life so much better, so please give SS a chance with the contacts before you tell your DH he's too young. I have to admit, I've used the storage saline as resetting drops. I already spent the money on it and I know it's safe for the contacts.
Similar story over here. I
Similar story over here. I started wearing glasses in grade 2 and moved to contacts when I was 13. My mother made me save up half the cost of a pair of contact lenses (permanent ones back in those days). I also was not allowed to leave the eye doctor's office until I could show them that I could insert and take them out responsibly.
Contact lenses changed my life as well. Watch SS for a while. Let him demonstrate his maturity with regards to taking care of his eyes. If he shows that he's not mature enough to take care of the contact lenses and his eyes, then I wouldn't purchase any further lenses for him.
The problem is that SS11 is
The problem is that SS11 is not a responsible child. He can't keep track of anything. Also, he doesn't know (nor does BM) that even with contacts, you still have to wear glasses every once in a while.
I think BM has no idea what she's in for and we only see him EOWE, so there's not much I can do for him during the week.
I've worn regular, 2 week, and daily contacts and dailies (which SS has) are much more likely to roll up into your eye or tear while you're taking them out. What is BM going to do when the child is screaming in pain because one of those things happens? The first time a lens rolled into my eye, I had to go to the eye doctor to get it out and I was nearly 17.
They apparently went to Walmart. I've never been there for an eye exam, so not sure how strict they are about making you put them in before you leave.
Your comment about the
Your comment about the glasses is honestly confusing me. After the adjustment week, I've only ever worn glasses when I get up in the middle of the night. I've never had a doctor tell me to give my eyes a rest from the contacts as long as I wasn't sleeping in them. I've worn dailies and 2-weeks. I just couldn't afford the dailies or I'd have gone back to them. Im so adjusted to contacts that even if I try to wear glasses (correct RX) for any length of time I get terrible headaches.
I can't speak to needing the doctor for a rolled contact, but that may be because everyone in my immediate family had contacts before me and taught me how to deal with rolled contacts. I can see how that would be a sticking point for you, but you can't control what BM teaches. You just need to hope the optometrist taught him. And you can go over it with him, or have DH go over it. Maybe BM will ale him to a doctor the same as you were taken. Who knows? Dealing with rolled or torn contacts is a part of life for contact-wearers that you learn to deal with. SS will too if he likes the contacts (or hates glasses that much).
Sam's Club (owned by Walmart) is where I've gone for glasses/contacts almost as long as I can remember. I do remember going to an independent agency early on, but by the time I was in contacts we were using Sam's. Their policies required the test. I would assume Walmart has the same policy.
The general thinking from
The general thinking from most opthamologists is that you should wear contacts for 10-12 hours a day maximum. I've also been told by my eye doctor to wear glasses every so often to give my eyes a rest. Your eyes get less oxygen when you're wearing contacts, even with the most permeable lenses, which is not ideal for eye health.
And yes, if you wear contacts all the time, then wearing glasses is an adjustment. My prescription is now quite strong, so I resisted wearing glasses and whenever I would put them on there was a noticeable difference. Now that I wear them once or twice a week, I don't notice any difference. In fact, sometimes I'll forget that I'm wearing my glasses.
I 'get' the frustration of
I 'get' the frustration of not being consulted, but if the kid wouldn't wear the glasses insisting on glasses doesn't 'save' any money. More waste to be ignored and never worn.
If Bm says she'll take care of all of it, fine, great...if not and dad is responsible for (example) 50%, and the contacts will be worn and work for the kiddo, it's probably time Dad resign himself to it. The glasses were a no go. Just my opinion, but I'd rather my child have sometime he would wear and that works for him than fight with BM over something that's already been tried and failed.
Since you, yourself are quite familiar with contact and the how -to's and don't do's , I would help and assist the child when he is with you if he needs it. Best to teach him correctly and safely. Perhaps if he has troubles at home with BM can could call and ask you questions?
The kid isn't signed up for life just because he has these now. If they don't work for him and he has too much trouble, it will have to be back to glasses and the importance of wearing them (whether he likes them or not) expressed. Me, I would let the kid try and give these a go and help him with any problems.
Kids cost money. Just a fact of life. While BM may have took him for the contacts, you can't fault her for the child's needs of eyewear. I'm betting that if BM and your Dh were still together , they would have done like last year and tried the glasses and then went on to the contacts and tried them. I really don't 'get' what should be so different now. Eyewear isn't really an optional product (yes, there is a choice between glasses and contacts, but that's not what I'm saying), eyewear when needed is needed. It's not something that can be a 'well, I don't agree so therefore no' thing. However, as Bm did not consult, if Dad does pay the example 50%, I guess BM will just have to wait until Dad can schedule his share in. Lack of consulting first means BM may have to wait for any reimbursement. She'll have to understand having to perhaps wait and/or getting reimbursed in a couple or three payments is a chance she took when she failed to consult and accordingly mutually schedule.
I get that kids cost money,
I get that kids cost money, but I also feel like you can plan that cost out. He's had his glasses that he never wore for a year and a half and no word or discussion at all from BM other than giving DH excuses as to why the kid wasn't wearing the glasses DH purchased. In my mind - as someone with terrible vision - I think contacts are cosmetic (especially at SS's prescription level), so while he's a child, glasses can be enough.
Also, this child is not responsible. He can't remember anything.
Finally, I think sometimes children need to do things they don't want, like wear glasses. BM is his mother, not his friend. He needs these glasses to read. BM is not prepared to help him with contacts and we only see him EOWE. She'll see how unprepared she is the first time he loses a lens in his eye or gets something in his eye while he's wearing the lenses and is screaming in pain. She's more concerned about not making her child feel embarrassed than she is about making sure he has what he needs.
this reminds me of when
this reminds me of when OSS,at the time, age 8, showed up in braces. Of course, Chef was not consulted. The skids in my case never were taught to wipe, flush the toilet and wash their hands, never mind take care of their teeth. The early braces just caused tooth decay. I swear I saw an entire chicken wing caught on OSS's braces that had been their at least two weekends ago. Their breath was indescribable.
Both kids told me they were
Both kids told me they were getting braces this summer, but neither did. I think the last time they went to the dentist was when DH took the two summers ago on his summer week with them. If they do get braces I may just fall out of my chair because I will be so shocked that BM actually made the appointment and took them.
She went to Walmart to get the contacts, so that did not provide pre-planning on her part.
DH can argue that contact are
DH can argue that contact are a luxury and he was not consulted and there for did not agree to pay for.
COs state mandatory medical not cosmetic.
I'll say this, my mom works
I'll say this, my mom works for a lady who has a 9 year old girl. This little girl was at my mom's work just sitting there practicing touching her eyeballs. She told my mom her dr told her that he wouldn't give her contacts unless she could put them in and take care of them herself. If your skid is actually going to use them then contacts are fine, but I wouldn't come out of pocket for a new set of contacts each week unless I was sure he was wearing them like he was suppose to.
BM sent DH a text this
BM sent DH a text this morning saying he had to "help SS with his contacts". I told DH (and also told SS when I was helping him) that if he's not able to put them in, take them out, and take care of them on his own, then he's not ready for contacts.
If DH told BM that (especially if she told BM I said that) then BM would accuse him of not supporting his child and just saying that because she hates him.
BM doesn't realize that when you're the mom, you're supposed to make the responsible decision, not the one that makes your kid the happiest.
Dailies are much better for
Dailies are much better for kids and most adults.
It's a new pair every day and the chances of infection from dirty lenses is greatly reduced.
The new ones are super thin and allow much more oxygen to get into the eye.
That of course makes them easier to tear but even losing one in your eye isn't terrible.
I once had one roll back and it stayed there for a day. I put in and removed another daily while it floated around. I knew it was there but it didn't hurt or bother me. It popped out on its own as I was laying in bed reading. I yawned and tears formed. When I rubbed the tear away the contact was there with the tear.
Ever consider the Air Optix
Ever consider the Air Optix Night and Days? I have them and LOVE them because honestly I suck at taking out contact lenses. I put them in, leave them in nonstop for 30 days (and sleep in them) then change them out. I actually need bifocals but hate those in glasses and in contacts (the multifocal contacts were horrible for me). So I wear these to "see" then wear inexpensive "readers" over top when reading or working on the computer.
I've had them for over 2 years and I've never had an infection or had them roll up in my eyes (they're a little thicker).
I've swam in the ocean with them in, swam in pools, did yard work, etc etc.
So with the new update that
So with the new update that SS11 is incapable of putting them in on his own, I retract my original opinion to try and be supportive. If the kiddo has had them for a couple of days already and can't do it alone, he's not ready. It doesn't take weeks to learn how to pop them in and out. It should take at most a couple of hours, maybe a little struggle the first day. (Assuming that the help SS needed was the adult physically putting the contacts into his eyes, which is how I read it.)
So skid's vision can't be
So skid's vision can't be horrible if he went without glasses for however many months. This is skid with BM that said dad "ruined" SS's vision when he had pink eye and she told DH because she's a "nurse" or CNA or whatever that he didn't need medical intervention? Is this that BM?
No, not the same kid. The BM
No, not the same kid. The BM in my life isn't a nurse.
He needs glasses for reading, which he only does at school, so he's been able to "survive" without glasses. I assume he was able to stumble by because only one of his eyes needs correction. Also, BM claims he has learning disabilities, so she makes excuses when he doesn't do well. He has an IEP for "non specified" disabilities, but I do wonder if one of his reading difficulties is that he can't see clearly close up from his left eye.
A family friend's BM told
A family friend's BM told their daughter that she thought she was autistic when the girl was only 7! Like wtf? The girl is 14 now and obviously not autistic. I hate parents that limit their children and teach them to use excuses to get through life.
Glasses are very common and I think kids with them are cute so idk why he's embarrassed of them unless they make his eyes look really huge or really tiny.