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I don't understand....

Nikkii's picture

Submitted by Nikkii on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 6:46am

I don't understand why DH refuses to file papers for child support. We have had SS for 6 months and BM has not given nor has she done anything for SS. DH says that since we don't receive any support from my son's BD then the kids are even. I disagree. I have taken my son's father for child support and he refuses to pay. He would rather run from the law than to pay. We have literally received $1000 in 14 years. My DH has accepted that fact, but at the same time refuses to file papers on his EX. Am i being selfish or am i understanding that it takes money to raise children and it is not fair for me to have to go through this twice??? Especially after 12 years of dealing with his Ex's threats against me, physical attatcks and negative comments about me and my children in public and private. Not to mention the court battles over her actions which is the reason she lost custody in the first place?!?! I just don't understand. Can someone please offer me some advice. i don't want to be selfish, but every child has the right to be supported financially by their parents. SD had paid it for 12 years with no complaints.

Comments

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 6:48am

Are you referring to filing papers for CS thru an attorney or thru Child Support Recovery?

___________________________________________________________________________
“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 7:53am

The reason I ask is because going thru an attorney can be expensive, and maybe that's why he's putting it off? But if you go thru CS Recovery, I believe it's $25.00 to file. Go by your local office, pick up the forms to fill out and a checklist of what you need....maybe guiding your DH thru the process and helping him with the forms will help aleviate it being so overwhelming.

___________________________________________________________________________
“The challenge is to help couples turn "I Do" into "We Can."

prayerhelps's picture

Submitted by prayerhelps on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 7:50am

I think the courts are changing in this regard. The problem seems to be more in line with crayon's first comment of not wanting to stir the pot, or have the hassle. For some, it is just the old mind set that men are the primary financial caregivers anyway so dont think it is "fair" to BM.

For my DH it was to keep stirring pot w/BPD BM. It worked for a few years. Then she started saying she "owed" nothing to him, that she didn't have to pay or help with anything because it was his responsibility. At the time, SD's starting to take that same idea, or shirking responsibilities, so went through CS enforcement more on the principle of it, not really expecting much. Then BM started saying---your dad will put me in jail if I don't pay---SIGH---some people just will never feel responsible for anything or obligated or respectful of anything.

imagr8tma's picture

Submitted by imagr8tma on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 7:51am

I agree with crayon... He may be afraid if he files for child support from her - she will file to receive custody back... and he may lose out. The courts sometimes do not make the best decisions when it comes those situations.... and then he would lose out on knows SS is taken well care of in his house.

I would not take it personal - I think he is just afraid of losing his son being with him on a daily basis - but should have said that instead of putting it off on your child not receiving child support so it's even . That excuse sounds like a cop out - instead of being really honest.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 8:29am

I went through this not too long ago. My DH was just trying to be "a man". He was being stubborn because men are supposed to support the family anyway. It may just be a pride thing. I know that had something to do with my DH's issue. He also didn't want to go to court to face BM because court is a very akward situation. I have no kids of my own and I had to push the child support issue. I pushed because I am working 2 jobs and my DH is working 3 and BM is making good money and doesn't do a damn thing for SS. So my DH finally filed for contempt against BM. They are making her pay $3300 by January 12th and if she doesn't, she goes to jail. My DH tried to go through Child Support Services and was basically told he was going to be put on the back burner because he is a man (which is a load of crap). You can file for contempt on your own without Child Support Services (at least in my state you can). Good Luck with it all, its a pain in the butt.

Jon-Boy's picture

Submitted by Jon-Boy on Fri, 11/20/2009 - 9:20am

CS is a sore subject with men.
If he chooses to not file it could be for many reasons.

*Could be fear of retaliation from his ex on the next over blown situation that undoubtedly will occur.

*Could be he knows her financial situation and knows what it would do to her/the kids. Just because she is his ex, does not change that fact she was his former wife. She is the mother of his children.

*Could be he does not believe in CS.
Maybe he feels he is taking the higher road and leading by example.
And in the event that she may have the kids one day?
Maybe there is hope they can come to terms and split things as best as they can without the need of forced CS.

Just by suggesting these thoughts? Please remember, I am just suggesting these possibilities of why. or maybe what he might be thinking.
I don't want to be dragged into a CS battle of what is right or wrong or who deserves what.

Money always has a sense of urgency behind it.
everybody wants it, everybody needs it.
talking with your husband calmly about it with no sense of urgency may spill out his reasons for what he is doing/not doing.

that's my 2 cents....