Can't take it anymore..I'm thinking of leaving him
My DH has a seven year old son from a previous marriage. Anyways, DH is such a jerk! WAnts me as a babysitter, gets mad if i dont take SS with me every where. Why would i need to? He's not my kid. Last weekend i got up early to go for a walk, SS was awake and told him where i was going and not to open the door for anyone. His dad was asleep in the other room. Well when i came back, DH was pissed off because i didn't take SS with me. He said i was the worst parent ever, i'm heartless and I should never do that to his Son again. I'm confused. What the hell was that about? I just dont understand. Did i do something wrong? Its not like i left the kid by him self in the house! DH babies SS too much. SS can't do anything on his own, and always gets what he wants. I can't stand it. I dont hate the kid, i just dont like the way DH is raising him. I"m sick and tired of it. Dont think i want to be in this situation any longer. Instead of getting better, its getting worse. I dont want to, but i'm starting to hate SS.
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You will end up hating your
You will end up hating your stepson because your DH isn't parenting correctly and its sad. You are not the child's mother. Maybe DH should take some parenting classes. Have you told him exactly how you feel?
Are you guys married? I
Are you guys married? I guess you should have read the fine print on his vows. Sounds like he thinks he married another mother for his child. This is not your fault. You need to have a sit down talk with DH to figure out what he expects from you, and let him know what you expect to do. Me and DH had a problem like this when we first got SD EOW. He babied her to the point where she couldn't even go up a slide without him holding her hand. It was rediculous. We sat down and hacked it out. It took quite a while but once he started to see the improvements SD was making when we held the bar alittle higher he was amazed.
I would really suggest you talking to him about what each of you expect. I had a simple rule. When he was home, he was the parent. I would help with things, if I felt like it or if he needed me to, but he had to take responsiblity for his child. Because it is HIS child. Not OURS. I love her alot but the way he was heading he would have had no relationship with her other then "Thetis' husband"
yes i have. Many times. He
yes i have. Many times. He says i'm jealous of SS and he does not care what other people think of his parenting skills, he thinks he's doing a great job. I'm just so frustrated, i try to go along with it, but just to see how he treats SS, makes me so mad! He's 7yrs old, he should be able to eat on his own..yup, DH still feeds him sometimes when he does not want to eat. RIDICULOUS!!!
Yuck... DISENGAGE! If he's
Yuck... DISENGAGE! If he's doing such a great job, let him do it. Alone. Take the time for your self. Remind him that if he wants you to co-parent then it needs to be co-parenting, where you guys talk to eachother and accept each others veiws.
I don't think you did
I don't think you did anything wrong by going on a walk on your own and not taking your SS. Come on your DH was at home. No offense, but is your DH a lazy ass or has no idea how to parent a kid and needs for you to do all the work? I would grow resentful of my DH and skids if I was expected to do everything for skids.
Does SS live with you guys full time?
Next time, wake him up, make
Next time, wake him up, make him get out of bed and watch HIS OWN son. If he is at home, he should be doing the parenting.
Yes DH is a lazy ass! and
Yes DH is a lazy ass! and yes SS lives with us Full time. He never sees BM. I make SS's breakfast and lunch in the morning, I iron his clothes for school. DH does nothing, can't even take out the dam trash! DH works from home, so i have to come home to a messy house, and start the day all over again. This isn't even my kid!
Okay, I would totally go on
Okay, I would totally go on strike. He works from home and he still expects you to do everything. That blows my mind and makes me mad at your DH even though I don't know him.
My skids live with us full time and I work from home. I do all the cleaning (skids keep also help) and running around with the skids but if my SO got on me for not taking them with me when I shouldn't have to he would get an earful. Lucky for me, my SO does all the cooking and he even washes dishes. (I hate it when he does laundry) If I had to cook for everybody everyday on top of making sure the house is clean and I worked in the office, I would be pissed on a daily basis. Yes, I don't cook!!!
You need to talk to your DH and be firm with him about how you feel. It is NOT FAIR that he gets to sit on his butt while you do all the work.
Question: Do you think about having kids with him? Because if he is this way with his son imagine how he would be with an "ours" baby. Not much help and that there would more than likely drive you even crazier.
I don't have kids of my own but I can imagine what it would be like to get no help raising a baby on your own when DH is in bed next to you or watching t.v. or fixing his car or out with the boys or taking his time coming home from work.
My DH used to do this when
My DH used to do this when his daughter came over. I had to spend 24/7 with her. I could not go into my room to take a break, I could not go to a store without her, etc...always with that same line of "you are just horrible for not including her in everything..." Funny thing is, when OUR child was born, there was no problem if I went into my room for a while to take a break, no problem if I left him with either DH or a sitter so we could go out, etc...so I pointed it out repeatedly...of course, he had nothing to say.
Now, well, we don't see his daughter anymore...but now, he gets it.
You don't NEED to do
You don't NEED to do anything for SS. I told my H that anything I do for SD is a favor and he WILL NOT tell me want I HAVE to do for her. That was about a year ago--he hasn't since.
Telling him not to open the door, go get DH if he needs something was fine. DH was in the house--next time he brings it up ask him if he would rather wake him up then.
You deserve some time alone.
Tell him to get his lazy ass
Tell him to get his lazy ass out of bed next time. You have every right to do your own thing!!
Make a list of everything you do on a daily basis for ss, then make a list of what DH does for HIS son. Then give it to DH and tell him that if you want to take a freakin walk without ss, then you will do just that. Too bad if he doesn't like it. The list shows that you work your butt off for ss and you obviously like ss or you wouldn't do it, but you are entitled to some alone time. You aren't a servant. If he's still too obtuse to get it then I'd be outta there. Good luck.
"I should never do that to
"I should never do that to his Son again"
Exactly - HIS son, not yours. He either needs to parent completely on his own, or let you be a full co-parent.
Perhaps point out to him that you are a WIFE, not a MOTHER.