Inspired by Colorado Girl "You're Not Special" blog...
I read CG's Blog (which I did not agree with by the way - I think CG YOU ARE FANTASTIC!!)... but I was struck by 2 things....
1. CG's feelings of not being special and even though she understands it needs to come from within, struggling with giving herself that boost, as well as "needing" that boost from others.
2. That everyone jumped in to tell Colorado Girl just how special she truly is!! And I agreed with them. I think that CG is wise, and I don't need to see her physically to know she is beautiful - inside and out!
But my question to you all now is.... WHY? Why is this so hard for us? Why can we easily see the value of others and not our own? Not just CG - I think we all do it and that's why we struggle in our situations.
Sure, you'll see a blog here and there where we compare ourselves to BM and list our "strengths" or positives... But what about really believing it for ourselves? What about being able to tell ourselves every day what we need to hear so that our happiness doesn't depend on our husbands, or our kids, or our families, co-workers and even from others here?
It's DEFINITELY NORMAL to not be able to do this for ourselves. I personally think part of it could be our upbringing. My parents always made me feel very loved and special, but I was not to be vain, or express that I acknowledge something like that. If that makes sense at all. I'm struggling to teach SD something similar over here. She is beautiful. I'm glad she knows it. I don't think she needs to acknowledge it to others or point out her own beauty to others. When someone tells her she looks pretty, she is NOT to respond "Yeah"... she is to say "Thank you!!" Am I giving her a mixed message? Am I making sense?
With her beauty, I know it's a border between confidence and vanity.
So what is our border between acknowledging that we are ALL indeed special in our own individual ways? What is holding us back? Fear of looking vain? Fear of others not seeing what we see and possibly invalidating our feelings? Fear of someone making fun of what we think we are special for? I have a hard time believing that we cannot each pick out something - not in relation to BM - but something about ourselves that we think is special.
Yet, if you asked me to write what I think is special about me.. I'd hesitate. I'd feel funny. I'd feel weird and not comfortable. I'd feel like half of my brain would say to the other half "Who the hell DO YOU THINK you are??!!" 
(maybe I'm nuts and that's why I'm special.)
So ladies and gents - here's my challenge to you... NAME SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT YOU THAT YOU VALUE. Not in relation to Skids, DH, or BM, or physicality. Just something positive about your PERSONALITY.
Can you do it? And does it make you feel uncomfortable to say it about yourself out loud to us?
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Comments
Interesting blog,
Interesting blog, Stick!
Well, the first thing that comes to mind is that people in my circle tell me that I'm wise and emotionally intelligent. Does it make me uncomfortable? Not if I say that "other people" tell me. If I had to come right out and say I think that, I'd feel a little awkward.
But Stick, you're supposed to start this: what is something special about YOU that YOU value?
UCSM (BB)
"No matter how cynical I get, it's never enough." - Lily Tomlin
UCSM!! - Well girl... I
UCSM!! - Well girl... I think it's safe for me to speak for others on here and say that we fully agree with what "people" in your life tell you! You are very wise and emotionally intelligent. One of the things that I also really love about reading your responses is your ability to say the truth, in black and white, and still have the poster or person you are responding to understand it and "get it". You don't really piss people off because you are also very very great with stating a case without tearing someone else down!!
double post sorry..
double post sorry..
How funny. I'm a rescuer. I
How funny.
I'm a rescuer.
I can't sit here and figure out what trait I have that I like MOST about myself that doesn't involve me being empathetic... and completely dependent on me having helped someone else.
I need to sit on this one.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
Colorado Girl - You are a
Colorado Girl - You are a rescuer! As far as I can see, you are also very aware of your own vulnerability and are not afraid to express it. I think that's a very good trait CG. I think that it helps break down other's barriers and get them to open up and look at themselves and be able to be okay with feeling vulnerable... don't you think that is one of your great qualities?? You are special my friend!!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Cruella!! - You are one of
Cruella!! - You are one of the most STRONGEST women on here, I truly believe that. You also have a wicked sense of humor that I love!! I know that's why so many women... when you are gone for a while... go "Hey!! Wish Cruella were here to comment on this one!!"
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I'm the caretaker. I will
I'm the caretaker. I will honestly give a stranger the shirt off my back. My best quality is also my worst at times.
Stick, what is YOUR best quality?
Jen - you are so sweet and
Jen - you are so sweet and kind. I believe you to be the caretaker and to also be the Peacemaker. Let everyone get along and party together and have fun... because this sh*t sucks so we might as well laugh about it while we are out here!! The other thing I really love about you is that the more I read your blogs, the more I can see that you will take the time to give BM the benefit of the doubt. And when she does something good, you readily acknowledge it!!
Hope you and DH are feeling better!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
My strength. I am and
My strength. I am and always will be the "Ayers Rock" of my family. I can handle anything.
Thank you Stick. When I first read your blog, I almost left it without answering for fear that I would not be able to find anything about myself that I considered "noteworthy". I decided to go for it anyways, and I'm glad I did. I realized a few things about myself that I'd never taken the time to acknowledge before....so Thank You! I needed that.
How dare you make me think on a weekend!
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
PnutButta!! Your response
PnutButta!! Your response made me smile!! Thank YOU!!
I love reading your responses and your convictions. I love that you took the time to write a "Thank you" blog to everyone just because you knew that sometimes that's all we really need! I have always loved the wit you show with your screen name!
I'm especially glad as well that you decided to "go for it"!! You ARE noteworthy!! You are a great valuable source of advice and comfort on here. Your strength does shine through!
(( Hugs girl! ))
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
Hugs back atcha! "To us,
Hugs back atcha!
"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush
Katrinkle - Your brightness,
Katrinkle - Your brightness, your happiness, and your ability to remind us all that happiness is a CHOICE is a very needed perspective on here. I have no doubt that you can look yourself in the eye with a clear conscience. I really am so glad you made your way to this forum!!
Cheers my friend!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
I am pretty intelligent
I am pretty intelligent (although lacking in common sense sometimes)
I am pretty good with money and planning for the future.
My favorite (which may not be special or even unusual) is my hobby. I knit. I can take sticks and yarn and create beautiful things. The process calms my anxiety and lets me see that yes, I *can* do something a lot of other people can't or won't.
~Trish
Trish!! I don't know you
Trish!! I don't know you very well... but I am glad you took the time to answer! And can I please tell you that I do think that knitting is a special hobby. It's almost becoming one of the "lost arts" of past generations, you know? I have two left feet to knit with, and no patience. So I believe that you might want to add to your special qualities - PATIENCE - to take the time to create beautiful things. It is a special gift! I envy you!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***
The thing I value about
The thing I value about myself is that while I do wallow or get caught up sometimes in everything going on around me, I am also still able to give myself the needed "pep talk" to look ahead and realize that everything will be as it should be. I try to hold faith.
Right now, I am completely stressed out and depressed about this money / house situation with BM. When I was talking to SD's counselor about my fears for her, she asked me what I am doing for myself, for my depression on this. And it struck me. I don't do anything. I let myself feel it for as long as I can or need to, and then, I give myself the "pep talk" to look at the bright side.
In this case... the bright side is that I married my husband and he was financially devastated from the divorce. No, neither one of us wants to struggle again. But I love HIM. And that we have gotten through financial hard times before and may have to again. Whether we get the settlement we want from BM or not... that doesn't change what DH and I have.
I know that if BM "wins" or doesn't give us anything, I will have a hard time with it. But that doesn't change who my husband or I are... it wil change how much we can help SD financially, but not how much we can help her emotionally. It will suck, but it shouldn't be our devastation.
So I guess that's strength? Or self-delusion??? Ha ha aha!!!
*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***