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tougher than I thought's picture

Submitted by tougher than I ... on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:03am

I'm telling you guys my struggles one blog at a time lol.....Friday night there was text on our cell phone from the BF saying that "he still calls her name out at night". He is a drunk and probabley was at the time! Its been 3 years now we've been married and every now and then he'll rear his ungly head! I still have to see him in the small town we live in and he is still in the boys lives!

Comments

RustyHalo's picture

Submitted by RustyHalo on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:05am

Can you block texting from him?

**my stepdaughters did not grow in my tummy, they grew in my heart**

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:10am

Can she ask him not to speak to her that way? Gross, I would be weirded out if my X sent me something like this, and would let him know it was totally inappropriate.

You said "our" cell phone, is it a cell that you guys both share? If so maybe you should get yourself your own cell so you don't have to subject yourself to text messages/calls from him. Even if they are harmless, it can still cause problems within your relationship to always see/hear about the X calling/texting.

If it's her cell, did she tell you that he sent that to her? If so, what was her reaction to it?

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

tougher than I thought's picture

Submitted by tougher than I ... on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:12am

I ask her about it and showed it to her and she said she wasn't going to address it because it wasn't a big deal to her. I ask her to and she said she wasn't going to, that frustrated me. I was just wanting her to let him know it was unappropriate!

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:17am

So you guys have a cell phone that ya'll share?

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

Squillion's picture

Submitted by Squillion on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:17am

You asked her and showed her?

I'm confused. Were you checking her cell phone?

You guys have some serious issues, tough. I'd ask for marital counseling and if the response isn't positive, start shopping lawyers.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:29am

Get your own cell phone. You are asking for trouble if you don't, even if messages from the X are harmless, I'm telling you it will still cause problems if you are constantly seeing hearing about the X calling regardless if it's *just about the kids*.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:12am

While it is annoying to have someone doing stuff like that, the more important thing is how your wife handles it. Do you have any reason to think there is still an emotional attachment there?

tougher than I thought's picture

Submitted by tougher than I ... on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:16am

No I trust her, but wish she would address it with him. She says she won't and to just let it go.

Marie09's picture

Submitted by Marie09 on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:14am

BEAT HIS ASS!! Opps did I just say that?! I would call him out on it and say this is my wife and unless you are calling to talk about the kids, dont contact her.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:16am

But keep in mind, doing this may make these situations more frequent b/c her X will know it gets under his skin.

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

tougher than I thought's picture

Submitted by tougher than I ... on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:23am

Yea....thats her communication style that I didn't really see until we married and spent every day together. I either have to accept it or move on!

Squillion's picture

Submitted by Squillion on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:42am

Then you have your answer, don't you?

Sorry to hear it and I know it sucks to think about it... but that really does seem to be what she wants and what you need.

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:46am

Oh wow. There are redflags all over the place here. How long have the two of you been married?

___________________________________________________________________________
“Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.”

tougher than I thought's picture

Submitted by tougher than I ... on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 9:54am

I started out being who I am….affectionate, talkative, romantic and began finding out that her reactions to these things were like nonexistent. She does not like to plan or communicate on issues that are challenges such as step family situations and guidelines. She is not romantic and our intimate times are non conversational all the time unless I make comments, so its hard to get an understanding of what she likes and what makes her tick. I spend a lot of time assuming!

GiGi222's picture

Submitted by GiGi222 on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 10:00am

IDK, it seems like she is just avoiding you. She doesn't want to share a bed, she doens't want to address problems with the ex.
I think that she avoids confronting him about it, because she hopes it will go away on its own.
But it sounds like you are being neglected. Is this what you want for yourself?

tougher than I thought's picture

Submitted by tougher than I ... on Wed, 09/30/2009 - 10:02am

heck no...I'm more lonley now than when I was by myself as far as relationships that is