Of 8 year olds and cell phones...
My BF's daughter got a cell phone last week and all was good...until yesterday. Nothing was said to my BF that he would have to pay for half of the monthly bill so he thought that BM would be paying for it. Oh! Not so! This was yesterday...
BF, SD8 and myself are sitting at the dining table having dinner:
SD: Dad, can I have $20?
BF: What for?
SD: My cell phone. Mommy said you'd pay half.
Me: **I say nothing but at this point, my blood pressure starts to rise.**
BF: We never discussed it, did we? You guys never called me to talk about it.
SD: **silence**
BF: SM and I can't pay for it. My hours have been cut at work and we need every penny.
SD: **says nothing but looks over at me**
Me: **I try to keep the venom out of my voice** It's really not fair that this wasn't discussed with us, is it? Do you think it was fair?
SD: **hangs her head** No.
BF: Put your plate away. SM and I have to talk about a few things.
SD then does what she's told to do and sullenly goes to her room. BF and I walk outside to the patio to talk and he says nothing. I have to start the conversation.
It's like pulling teeth. I then tell him he has to talk with SD and BM about this issue before it's swept under the rug. He has to make both of them understand that things like this CAN NOT BE ASSUMED that we will be paying for them. BM has a very bad habit about doing this, springing stuff like this up on us. I told BF this has to stop NOW. He grudgingly said that he would call her tomorrow to talk with her. He HATES talking to her but I told him he has to take his lumps. Even though she is in the wrong, she'll yell/scream/threaten b/c she is ALWAYS right. In other words, he has to grow a pair and a spine NOW!
**sigh**
We'll see what happens tomorrow night...
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$20??!! Is this to cover the
$20??!! Is this to cover the activation charge and the initial phone purchase? I'm hoping she is just adding a line, which would be only $10 a month, so $5 each, which isn't much at all. It sucks that BM put you in this spot, b/c now you are the bad guys. What to do, what to do??
I would sit and tell SD that you are sorry, but you cannot afford this. If her mother had discussed it with you guys first, maybe something could have been worked out, but you need all the money you have to pay bills and buy groceries. If her mother decided to get her a cell phone on her own, then it is her choice, and therefore her responsibility. OR, if SD gets an allowance, then you will pay for the cell phone in lieu of allowance. Of course, she is still expected to do all her chores. I actually prefer the latter. It gives you an out, SD learns responsibility, and lets BM know that you won't just hand money over.
I think it's for the actual bill 2Bloved...
...because BM gave SD her old phone and she bought a new one. How nice, huh? Bleh! If I'm not mistaken, one can add a line for $9/month. But, I'm sure the are other stipulations and additional fees. So I want to say that the $20 is for SD's part of the bill.
BF did indeed sit her down and told her no, sorry, he can't pay for her cell b/c we're low on funds. BM has no access to his bank accounts so she can't take out the money herself, all she can do is demand it from him. I know we look like the bad guys but our hands (and wallets!) are tied at the moment.
~Lizzy (NotMadeOfMoney)
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"Who needs therapy when you have wine." ~Anonymous
I agree it was way out of
I agree it was way out of line for BM and SD to assume you guys would pay half of the cell phone bill. I agree your DH has to grow a pair as well as a spine and put his foot down. Good Luck!!
My SD is 11 soon to be 12 and she has been asking for a cell phone. DH and I say no. She is mature at times but we much rather wait until she is 16, has a part time job and possibly driving at that point. That way she can pay for it herself along with learning responsibility along the way. However she has approached us about BM wanting to give her an old prepaid tracphone. We said fine but we want NO part of it...meaning we refuse to buy the cards for her phone. If she needs more minutes or whatever...ask BM. We told her to discuss it with BM though. And we will make it known to BM we want no part of it.
No joke!
Totally WAY out of line but I'm not surprised Tainted Halo, b/c she does this stuff all the time. There's always something we have to pay out of pocket for SD b/c BM "forgets" to tell us. Yeah right, whatever!
I admire the way you're handling your own cell phone issues with your SD. Bravo to you and your DH! I always thought my SD should get a cell around 16 years old too but, lo and behold, she got one at 8! I guess we're going to have to get her a Mercedes-Benz when she's 13. Sheesh!
~Lizzy (NotMadeOfMoney)
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"Who needs therapy when you have wine." ~Anonymous
OSD just turned 12, and we
OSD just turned 12, and we are giving her my phone and getting me an iPhone. I fought getting her a phone, but OSD really is a great kid, and doesn't have any of the gadgets kids these days have. No ipod, itouch, camera, designer stuff unless I get it for her. We took her to the JB concert, and I felt really bad for her. All these kids there had their own cameras and cell phones they were texting on and waving around during the slow songs. OSD just sat there. Didn't complain or say anything. I handed her mine and she just gave me this smile and asked if she can text in messages to post on the marquis. So simple, you know. All her friends have all the junk, and she doesn't. But she doesn't ask or whine about it.
Plus, if she has a phone, we're not on BM's whim on when we can talk to them. We'll just call OSD. Or if we have a quick question, we can just text OSD instead of waiting on BM to pass the message. And she knows that this is contingent on her doing her chores and getting good grades, and we're covering the $10 add a line, but she's going to have to fork over some allowance to cover the $5 texting.
Regardless of the inability to communicate with you
the purchase and subsequent payment of a monthly bill...
Please excuse what may be considered a bitchy thing to say, but...
WTH does an 8 year-old need a cell phone for? My DH and I just discussed this a type of situation as we left a birthday party on Saturday. We took SD6 and she was playing with some girls who were between 8 and 11. The 11 year-old had a cell phone. DH and and I both looked at each other like WTH? And agreed that no kid in our house will get a cell phone until age 16, with a part-time job.
Just ridiculous!
Don't pay it, don't even mention it in your home around her. This was not something you two were allowed to consult on and that's just insane!
Why does everyone want these kids to grow up so fast? What's wrong with a childhood? Ugh...
The sad thing is that I made
The sad thing is that I made my siblings wait until they were 17/18 before I got them cell phones. Boy was 19, girl was 18, and boy was 17. I told them there was no reason for them to have a phone, as they do not drive, they are in school all day with their friends, and at home at night where they can use the house phone. But OSD will get hers, b/c it does help out more with communication. Amd it's not only HERS, per se. It'll be for all the kids if they need to get in contact with us. BM has a history of leaving them home alone, or taking leaving them with her friends or with sitters on her time, so even if we did call her on her cell, she wouldn't answer. Or when her and FH are arguing, she won't answer. Or return calls. Or let them call us. B/c, you know, it happens to be during that time that her cell phone is having problems. Makes sense, right??
And she has not and will not give us the house phone, even though I researched and found it. Have never called it, and kids are not allowed to use the house phone anyway. Yes, it's time we got them a cell phone.
I'm LOL at the thought of handing BM a bill for half though. But then again, I'm not that petty or stupid.
I totally agree with you!
And as far as these kids growing up too fast, get this: it was so asinine to see my SD this weekend holding a cell phone in one hand and her security stuffed animal "Ploppy" in the other! Seriously! What the hell?! I almost told her that if she wanted to be "grown up" then get rid of all her "little girl toys". But, I held my tongue. It's all so ridiculous to me.
~Lizzy (NotMadeOfMoney)
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"Who needs therapy when you have wine." ~Anonymous