But I've been thinking ABOUT us tonight...OK, I admit it...I've been thinking of this for MANY nights (and days, and mornings, LOL) about WHY we do what we DO.

Here's my position:
1. I love my husband, even though we HAVE NOTHING in common when it comes to parenting.
2. I WANT to be with this man.
3. We have a lot of laughter together, we support one another, and we are still attracted to one another after all these years.

Other than those things, though? Hell, I wonder why I stay...why any of us choose to stay. Ya know?

Even with the wonderful things we know we have with our future husbands/wives or significant others....with all the giggles and the sometimes-sex we're allowed due to juggling schedules with our own kids, our jobs, our hobbies, or our friends....OR ALL OF THOSE TOGETHER.....why do we put on some face to make our spouses feel better when they allow their kids to run amok? They allow the behavior(s) because they feel they have to "make up" for some "failure". But how did WE fail the kids? And....WHY DO WE subject ourselves to the pain, stress, and worry over it all? First the kid tests us...then our own LOVER/SPOUSE tests us. I have to wonder....WHAT IS IT ALL FOR?

We work diligantly to overcome what has happened to these kiddos through having a broken family (or worse)...not only to show them that "new families" can HAPPEN either! We WANT to help guide these little people...to help lead them into self-reliance, confidence, and strength....BUT 9 TIMES OUT OF TEN THEIR BIO PARENT(S) don't give us any benefit of the doubt that this is our intent. Instead...that benefit is handed off to an EX...or the child...and mind you, a kid would eat cotton candy for dinner every night if allowed to. lol.

But we're butting in to make things worse or more complicated?! Really?! Haha, I say! A) why would we suggest something harmful/dangerous/cruel when we KNOW that can only lead a kid to NEVER levaing home due to lack of maturity, strength, and intelligence? C'mon ladies and gents...think about it....we ADORE OUR KIDS, but most of us want to know there is a time in our lives that will be only ours. Why would we WANT to fight with our kids/step-kids/significant others FOR NO REASON? It makes no sense at all.

I know, I know....we love the kiddos, not just our spouses. We MUST. LOL. But really???? I don't think a single one of us...man or woman...should do ANYTHING without joy in our hearts. That includes giving too much of ourselves or cleaning whilst cussing the dishes and dust, or working for someone who treats you like a dog. My point is this...is it supposed to be a chore or something we have to endure?

No. We should love our roles, and you know what? I think everyone WANTS TO BE ALLOWED TO LOVE THEIR ROLE in these people's lives. But when we are constantly fought, pushed away, or made to feel like second class in our family lives...we just wither away with the pain of all the good intentions we carried into that new life.

*sigh*

Women and Men...I ask you....if we are able to work for our own money....able to pay our own bills....able to be full of joy without having to be force-fed the skid ass-kissing on a regular basis...then why don't we? I know we love our spouses/FH/boyfriends/girlfriends/wives AND their kids.....but in the end...is seeing what we once knew to be true about ourselves worth LOSING due to someone else's lack of maturity or parenting?

I wrote a song once that had the line "No more emotional baggage that I didn't pack"...and it is as true today as it was 10 years ago.

Again...I love my husband...and I WANT so much that his daughter will be well and be happy in life. It just seems that maybe I...AND MOST OTHERS HERE...might be assuring the SKIDS futures while murdering our own delight in waking up in the morning. Does that make any sense?

At any rate I wish you all the best. I just wanted to jot down some thoughts b4 bedtime. *hugs* (Please excuse any typos....I only slept 3 1/2 hours last night, Ha!)