WWYD- CS Review
Writing as a BM...
It's been 6+ years since CS order was established between Ex and I. At the time he was working an office job and I was making a lot less $ then I am now. Order monthly amount was $300.
Between CS order being established and first review at 3 years I had told Ex if he wanted a CS review before the 3 years that I was okay with that. Because during that time Ex went back to serving and I moved up in my job. I was trying to be fair. Ex wanted me to initiate it and I told him, it's a benefit to him so he needs to initiate it. Not to mention he wasn't even paying CS or filing taxes.
So first 3 year review comes up and I tell Ex, okay I am getting all the paperwork on my end together (childcare, medical, my pay stubs) and I'm going to submit it. So I go ahead and submit it but he never submits his. They do the review based off of his previous $ figures and it actually goes up since I am court ordered to provide medical. So now it's like $350 a month.
So here we are again, up for the review. I mention it to Ex, hey did you get the paperwork. "I haven't checked the mail." I tell him okay well let me know what you want to do. It makes sense to do the review... it will lower your monthly amount I'm sure. *crickets*
Ex doesn't make an effort to pay CS or file his taxes. He is a server but obviously those paychecks don't cover the monthly amount. He's supposed to send in the difference himself. Never has happened. When CS was initially established I think he was at the office job for only 6 weeks and I have only ever gotten 1 full payment.
He is over 20k behind on CS. I don't owe him anything because he obviously doesn't care enough to make an effort to pay his CS obligation. But I am trying to do the right thing. I know I make A LOT more then him. I know if we both submitted pay stubs for the review that CS would be lowered.
I think he doesn't care what the amount is one way or the other because he doesn't plan on paying it. He's just hoping it will all go away or something??? I don't know.
So should I just wait and see if I get a request from CS to move forward for a review- so wait to see if he initiates it or just go ahead and do it myself, knowing that there's a good chance he isn't even going to submit his pay stubs.
- zerostepdrama's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Honestly it sounds like
Honestly it sounds like you've tried... You can only do so much for people that aren't going to help themselves. So since you did it last time, I'd probably wait and see if he initiates, you can still send a reminder if you want, though I don't think I'd even do that. You're genuinely trying to make it easier and he just doesn't care. So I wouldn't worry about it!
Are these reviews mandatory?
Are these reviews mandatory? If not, I would just leave things as is. Any change would benefit his obligation. But, it sounds like he is intending to just ignore his obligation. Unless you take further measures to try to collect on his obligation like garnishing his wages, I don't think he has any motivation to do anything.
So, maybe someday he will come into some money or have a better job and you can collect.
I would not initiate it.
I would not initiate it.
It's on him. I think my ex
It's on him.
I think my ex thought that it would just go away, too, until he was sitting in jail. Not that I wanted that but it was because he was put on probation and failed a drug test so I really didn't feel bad for him.
THIS....
THIS....
Do nothing
Do nothing
Thanks everyone. I'm not even
Thanks everyone. I'm not even sure why I still after all this time try to do the right thing and help him out when he clearly has shown he could care less about paying CS.
I guess I just think well if its a lower amount maybe he won't feel so overwhelmed by it and make more of an effort to pay it. LOL. Wishful thinking I know.
You have to stop trying to
You have to stop trying to help people who don't deserve your help.
If you think it will result in a lower amount to you, then don't do it. If you think it will result in a higher amount to you, then do it. Or don't - it's not like he's going to suddenly become responsible.
don't worry about whether or not it will overwhelm him. HIS problem, not yours.
Just like you said, it's not like he has shown ANY interest in supporting his kid.
Parents of minor kids ARE
Parents of minor kids ARE required to financially support them.
ABOUT SERVERS
We all know that servers make very good money. 20 to 25 an hour based on 5bucks per table tip PER hour turn over for 5 tables.
So do bartenders. Heck I was watching BEACH LIFE on tv last night and a bartender from NJ was moving to Key West with her son. Her target home price was 500K
Tell me how a "SINGLE MOM" bartender can afford a 500k house? My jaw was on the floor.
At the least your ex should clocked at 10-15 bucks an hour.
What do you mean he does not file taxes. On the other hand I would imagine your tax return is a hefty one.
I believe with investigation you will find that your ex has more money than you think. Most people pay with debit card when they go out to eat so his pay check will reflect CARD transactions and higher tipping amounts because of it. Gone are the days where servers could hide 100percent of tips.
600 a week IS not unheard of. Find out how many days a week he works and the hours. Does he work at Joes Greeceeee Spoon truck stop that never has customers OR does he work at TGI Fridays?
4days from 4p until 10p?
Now, figure 5 tables with 1hour turn over. $5.00 a table is on the low end. THATS 150.00 a night. x 4 days. THAT is 600.00 just in tips.
Don't let him bs you. Moms play the 'I'm a single mom trying to pay the light bill game all the time'..as they rake in the dough. I use to work with them bs their way each night with wads of money in their aprons. THEN maximizing child support awards claiming they only make 2bucks and change an hour.
**it is important to know I do not support ridiculous child support payments since we all know it does not cost 1k or even 500.00 a month to house, cloth and feed a child**
Let the chips fall where they fall but he should be held accountable for his child even IF it is 25bucks a week. I would highly doubt if a Judge would not agree with you that dad should pay a little something.
JMO
Oh I know he has more $ then
Oh I know he has more $ then he leads on. I used to be a server/bartender.
He hasn't filed his taxes since we split up. Not sure why. But I'm assuming if he did file his taxes I would know because I would get them due to back child support. My return isn't hefty- not sure what you consider hefty- both DH and I make decent money so we don't get a big return.
I get a payment here and there, but it's usually only for a couple of dollars. Not sure how it's calculated. Last week though I did get a payment for $93 and he knew I was getting it. That is the biggest payment (by far) that I have received in over 5 years.
**it is important to know I
**it is important to know I do not support ridiculous child support payments since we all know it does not cost 1k or even 500.00 a month to house, cloth and feed a child**
I don't know about that. I think it can easily cost that much. Maybe it depends on where you live.
it costs me that much to feed
it costs me that much to feed the people who live in my house...
easily costs that much!!
Do nothing, just as he does.
Do nothing, just as he does. The only person a CS review would benefit is him, but like you said he can't be bothered, because he doesn't pay it anyway. Do they take his tax returns??
He doesn't file... not sure
He doesn't file... not sure why he's testing the IRS but whatever... he legit thinks the world owes him and the rules don't apply to him I guess.
we should introduce him to
we should introduce him to Medusa. She, too, thinks she is owed everything and is above the rules
what the heck? I mean he
what the heck? I mean he must get a paycheck from his job and then tips on top of that.. and he just doesn't file?? :O
He says well it's not like he
He says well it's not like he owes them, they owe him. And I'm like you owe ME! :?
You have to do what you think
You have to do what you think is best zerostep I guess the next question is WHAT is the worst that can happen? Can you have cs agency run the numbers without actually going back to court first?
See, you know the deal with the money train servers/bartenders make. There is no bs ing you for sure.
Regarding tax refunds...I am sorry, I had you confused with the single mom status. You may remember reading year after year stories on here of 4, maybe 6k in refund monies some moms recieve :jawdrop:
WOB, sure a monthly food bill can easily be over 500bucks a month for a family. Below is a link in case your interested in stats and details. From 2016 a professor and economist from University of CA.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=196XCAXfqrI
NDC my experience showed me that it does NOT cost 1,000.00 a month to raise a child. I had 2 school aged kids when I was a divorced mom with zero support. We split custody equally. There is NO way I spent that just on them totally alone. NO WAY NO WAY NO WAY. I know this because I didn't have it.
We did not have extras and boat load of 'activities' like parents do today and my kids didn't NOR did I feel they were entitled to extra anything. We lived some of our best and sweetest days during that time.
We lived outside of a metro area and it was not cheap.
Awww when life was simpler. Harder but simple. If that makes senses.
I raised three, and it cost
I raised three, and it cost me waaaay more than 1K a month.
We can agree to disagree.
I spend a shit ton of $ on
I spend a shit ton of $ on food and we eat good. That's the problem. I make enough now to eat like that. Back in the day, even when I was with Ex (we were always broke) and as a single mom I was way more careful and we didn't eat like we do now. Honestly I could probably have a vacation house in the Caribbean if I would save $ on food. LOL.
Yup - good food that is good
Yup - good food that is good for you is expensive - which actually makes me really mad!
When mine were little, there were three of them, so I spent a ton of money on food alone. I didn't eat as well as I do now back then, but there were 4 of us at every meal
Between food, activities, gas from driving them all over G-d's Green Earth to those activities, clothes (hello, twin boys!!), school supplies (oh the money spent on school supplies) I could buy the house next door to you in the Caribbean if I had saved it
HA! I never even seen a 5 or
HA! I never even seen a 5 or 6k return when I was a single mom making 27k a year. I probably needed to have a few more kids to get that
I would be elated if I got $100 from Ex honestly.
I'm not sure how much BS actually costs per month. He is with me majority of the time. He's involved in activities which add up to monthly fees- viola, club wrestling and all that goes with those.
Here's the thing zero, you
Here's the thing zero, you myself, WOB and many others on here are raising or have raised awesome kids who are well rounded and will go on to good colleges and be great adults. We don't just do the bare minimum or raise our kids to be assholes. Experiences don't always cost money or mean you are rais ing entitled kids.
There is balance, moderation, mindful parenting not just a money grab or free range parenting.
thanks, Sweet! Here is my
thanks, Sweet!
Here is my take on parenting - the rest of the world has to deal with these kids loooong after they leave my house. Might as well teach them how to NOT be an ASShole and leave a positive mark on the world.
There are a ton of us here who are raising or raised independent, functioning humans, and you are 100% correct when you say that mindful parenting is the way to get that done
Don't forget health insurance
Don't forget health insurance and daycare costs. In the summer daycare cost me 700 a month, x paid 130 of it.
Kids are not cheap and let's face it how many are financially independent at 18. I know that BM1 pays for my former skids to have health insurance and helps them out while in college... there dad pays nothing once He was done with cs.
I am so glad childcare days
I am so glad childcare days are over!
We are almost there. He gets
We are almost there. He gets on and off the bus, but I don't feel can be home alone all day.
On Monday there is no school and I don't want to take off so I am gonna have a friends teenage step daughter come hang out and i will pay her. She is super nice and step dad will drop her off on the way to work. Win win for all.
Not sure what I will do about the summer. I am pretty sure ex will be a jerk about it.
BS started staying home
BS started staying home during the day last summer while I was at work. He turned 12 in July. I think he may have stayed home a few times during the end of summer the prior year too.
It was nerve racking at first but he does pretty good. He takes it as an opportunity to be lazy all day and lay around and watch tv and play video games. LOL.
Mine would too. I want him to
Mine would too. I want him to go to the day program 2 days a week. He can even take dial a ride there. I also will sign him up for baseball during the summer. I want his body and mind active and I will pay for it myself.
Thankfully he does go to his
Thankfully he does go to his dad's more in the summer, he goes to overnight camp for a week and I take time off in the summer so he's not home alone the entire summer.
And agree about keeping the mind and body active. That is why I let BS be so involved. He has viola, wrestling and National Junior Honor Society. Sometimes I feel that I am having a hard time keeping up with it all but BS seems fine. LOL.
And I swear all these stories you hear about the drug epidemic, it's hitting suburbs, good kids, kids from good homes,etc. I want to keep him busy and involved with a great support system and a "village" that way he takes the right path. It scares me so much!
I agree totally. You are
I agree totally. You are totally on my girl crush list.
Being a parent is not for pansies if you want to do it right.
When I was single, I had the
When I was single, I had the best village and I definitely needed them! A network of the neighborhood stay at home moms, the teenager next door who literally helped me raise my kids and who became my second daughter, her parents when she had something else going on, my friends, folks at the kids' schools, seriously, the list was verrrry long!
I had the kids in at least two activities during the summers to keep them busy, and at least one during the school year. DD26 and Thing2 competed in Forensics and each became State Champ in their event, DD26 did that twice! Thing1 was an athlete. Played at least two sports each year.
Oh, the village that drove those kids all over the place when I was at work.
When the Things graduated, I posted this long and thankful diatribe to all who helped me - and made sure to tell them that there was NO WAY I could have done it without them.
OMG - the daycare bills I had
OMG - the daycare bills I had when mine were younger. Jesus, am I glad those days are over!!
Playing musical instruments
Playing musical instruments and participation in a sport are great things for kids and teaches values about commitment and being part of a team.
I agree!
I agree!
WOB yes Ma'am
WOB yes Ma'am