Child support adjustment- trying to wrap my head around this....

This is me speaking as a BM- BS is 8.

I just received in the mail a letter from CS that it has been 3 years since my last review and I can request a hearing.

When CS was ordered my Ex was working a different job, making more money then he is and has been in the past 2 years and 10 months.

He only paid maybe 3 full payments of what was ordered per month.

Shortly after the CS was ordered, Ex fell on some hard times. He ended up moving back to his hometown and taking a job Serving.

I knew then that I would not receive even close to what was ordered per month, just by CS being deducted from his check and being sent directly to my account. I also knew that my Ex would not send in the remaining funds to CS.

However I assumed even as a Server he would be making $4??? an hour and if he worked 40 hours a week, I would still receive some child support. Maybe 25% of what is ordered? I know my friends who are Servers they bring home between $60-$150 a month from their hourly wage as Servers.

For at least the past 2 years I have received very little in CS. #1 it was coming very sparadic- funds maybe every 2 weeks, then maybe once a month, then 2 weeks in a row and then nothing for a month and half. #2 the amounts I am getting is anything between like 50 cents (yes CENTS) to $10.

I have reached out to CS to review and figure out what is going on. It just doesn't make sense. If he is working Full Time, how am I not at least getting consistent payments every week? How is at times I receive cents or $2 when he makes more then that in 1 hour? Even if he worked 1 shift a week I think I would still get more then $2.

CS told me they suspended his liscence. Okay great. His liscence was already suspended for DUI. So that doesn't matter to him.

They also said they confirmed he is employed- by checking with the resturant where I am getting the CS payments from. Other then that they haven't done much research, even though I have requested it. I guess because I am not on public assistance, they aren't really that concerned with it.

I can only assume that Ex is working FT. Otherwise how else is he paying the bills? How else is he surviving? He recently got a roomate, but other then that to my knowledge no one else has lived with him. He doesnt have a GF that I am aware of that would be helping him with bills. So I can only assume that he is working more SOMEWHERE then at the resturant.

And based off of what the CS I am getting from his servicing wages, it seems like he isn't working there FT.

I am curious if he has another job- working under the table or another job that he is working FT and just didnt report to them that he has a CS order. And by still working at the resturant job sometimes and doing CS that way- no one thinks to look any further and figure out what is really going on.

I have asked my Ex what is going on with CS. He always claims he is working and he has no idea. He also has claimed for the past 2+ years that he would send his tip money to CS to make up the difference and I have yet to see that happen.

I even told my Ex I understand you are making a lot less then what you were when CS was ordered. Please go back and have it adjusted. I am not greedy and I am not out to make this man poor. I realize I make a lot more then he does. So I was open to having CS readjusted even before our 3 year review period was up. He never once acted on it. I asked CS to call him and they informed me that he would not return their calls.

He is obviously avoiding CS all together for some reason.

He is over $9000 behind in CS. He has paid maybe $350 in the past 2 years.

Before CS was ordered we were doing 50/50. He was suppose to pay the Kindergarten Fee ($250) and I was paying the Latchkey Fee ($230) per month. Come to find out down the road not only was his mom actually giving him the money to pay the Kindergarten Fee, he WASNT even paying it. I found out at the end of the school year when a bill came for $1000+. I PERSONALLY had to pay the bill in order for the school to release BS's recrods so that I could enroll him in a new school district when I moved and bought a house.

When Ex has BS he is always taking him to the movies, buying him video games, eating steak, etc. So I just dont get the disconnect in what I am getting in CS and the lifestyle he is living and the hours he is working.

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I'm guessing he is fearful of

I'm guessing he is fearful of going to jail if he is in arrears. If you are willing to agree to forgive his arrears and accept a new lowered support then express that to him. If you and him agree to something the CS office should be willing to work with you to get it in place. If you go down the road of allowing them to play it out he will end up in hot water all the way around and it won't benefit you at all. You already arent' getting any support.

I think here the minimum is $50 a week, sounds like you aren't even getting that.

Agreed.

I dont want him to end up in

I dont want him to end up in jail. He will lose what little he does have now. Plus I am not that mean. Thankfully I am able to support BS with the CS (even if just barely) And even though my Ex has screwed me 100xs over in various ways when it comes to money, I am still not that mean. I dont know how I feel about forgiving the arrears though. I feel like that lets him off the hook for being a loser.

I should note he also hasnt filed taxes in at least 3 years, so I havent even gotten CS through his taxes. He claims he filed years 2010-2012 and 2013 this year, so I should be getting some money, but he is such a liar I dont even believe him. Plus he claims he hasnt gotten a letter from the IRS yet, and DH owed back CS and we already got the letter from IRS and we filed AFTER Ex.

With arrears obviously the likely hood of him ever paying them back is slim to none. But with my luck I would cancel the arrears and then he would hit the lotto!

I know... but I would feel

I know... but I would feel bad if he ended up in jail, I know it would hurt BS.

My feelings are more of the

My feelings are more of the notion that at some point you cut your loses. Money coming in consitently going forward is more valuable then holding the arrears over his head. He obviously is running from his obligations. THat's on him. If you do nothing he will eventually go to jail for it. But that is not on you !

My only thought with the

My only thought with the modification hearing- was that at least the whole case would be reviewed and maybe, just maybe I would get whatever was ordered. So even if they lowered it, at least then I would get something where I am now hardly getting anything. But I did think- why should I pursue the modification? I am doing everything that I need to be doing.

I was a server- full time in

I was a server- full time in college- and I remember getting a paycheck and it was usually around $20 each week. That is why I am so confused that I am not getting at least that much.

But that was almost 10 years ago..... so things probably have changed since then.

Honestly maybe your efforts

Honestly maybe your efforts are better served by doing a little investigation of your own and find out where he really does work. CS will go after his employer based on a tip. Our state even has an automated system to report those kinds of tips.

Just wondering, how much were

Just wondering, how much were you getting before when he had that great job? Were you working while he was paying the other CS with the great job or were you going to school or not working? Because again, I do understand that everyone has a duty to support their kids, but I have seen time and time again women who see no problem with them getting CS while they go to school, but if a man didn't pay CS while going to school, they would scream bloody murder…Did he pay a lot before and your income or what you paid for your son peanuts? I'm just saying that yes, there are deadbeat men out there, but he still sees his kid and takes him places and all that other stuff, thus it makes me think there is more to this story than what we are hearing.

Just wondering, how much were

herewegoagain- Everything I

herewegoagain-

Everything I stated in my original post was true and accurate.

Ex was ordered to pay $300 a month. At the time it was ordered we were probably making the same amount annually. I have all custody as we were never married. I carry the insurance for BS.

Also to clarify- I have literrally paid 90% of all expenses for BS since Ex and I split. Even when we were doing 50/50- he paid for him when he was at his house and I paid for him when he was at my house. But remember he was suppose to pay Kindergarten bill (had to pay for BS to go full day) and I paid Latchkey. He did not even pay that bill like he was suppose to, even though the money was GIVEN to him by his mother to pay it.

When we were together I had to maintain the household and the bills and the groceries, diapers, wipes, formula, etc, because he would spend money on video games and cigs and beer.

I have always worked. I have worked my way up at my job. After finally dropping the excess baggage (Ex) I started to climb the corporate ladder and finally making some good money.

He has never fully supported me or even his own son as he should. Hence the reason he is $9000 behind in CS.

Yes my Ex does see BS and takes him places. He is a good dad in that he wants to spend time with him. I wouldnt call him a deadbeat. BUT there is more to raising a child. He has NO PROBLEM leaving me to carry all the expenses of our BS. Instead of "buying" our son's love with video games and trips and eating out, he could use that money to pay his back CS. Instead he looks like the awesome dad to our impressionable 8 year old. And STILL I would never even tell my BS the truth or make his Dad look bad.

This happened to my Ex's Dad.

This happened to my Ex's Dad. He never paid CS for Ex and his sister. ExMIL took out a lien on his house. Got some of the arrears caught up and I remember her telling me she gets some of his SS.

I told my Ex that and he still blew it off.

He is very live in the moment- doesn't think of consquences. He doesnt think long term. His mom is really well off, I think he thinks over time he will just inherit her money and land and will pay off his debts then? :?

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Child support adjustment- trying to wrap my head around this....

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